thread3695

[calcium]

HELP!! no longer can I stand it, I now have had 3 months of no longer than a 4 hour stint of sleeping. I'm sure most of you out there have been in the same situation but I am fed up with being told it will get better, it is getting worse. My dd is now 12 weeks and just won't stay asleep. She goes to bed OK in the evening around 8-9pm depending on how long it takes her to fall asleep but then wakes about 4 times sometimes more throughout the night. She thrashes around, grissles, cries and generally is not content. I now give her a bottle before she goes to sleep of EM and the breast and then the first time she wakes in the night a bottle of formula, subsiquent wakings she gets the breast or I will settle her back depending when she last woke. She is now in a cot in our room, previously she was in a crib. She has her toys around her, mobiles etc. music, its comfortable etc. I cannot think what is wrong but I am now considering changing from breast to bottle in order to get some much needed sleep. This CANNOT go on please please help me, a desperate Calcium.

ps she is also difficult through the day but I do put her down for an hour in the morning and she tries to have between and hour and two in the afternoon.

Calcium, we had hours of broken sleep because dd's formula disagreed with her badly. Have you tried a different one? BTW I can tell you from experience that bottle-feeding doesn't necessarily make for a happier baby, and I resent the time I waste making up bottles and sterilising. We had problems with b/f and I so wish we'd been able to do it!

I doubt that formula feeding would improve matters, either, if your baby is thriving on breastmilk. Washing bottles and making & reheating feeds is a pain, too. Have you thought about tucking her into bed with you? Maybe she just feels the need to be close to you after those months all snug in the womb. Can you try to mitigate the situation by going to bed when she does and by napping yourself during the day?

Frequent wakings are part and parcel of life with a baby, worst luck. My last baby was a horrendous sleeper and the most unbroken sleep I had for 2.5yrs was two or three hours, arrgghhh!!

Calcium, have you tried putting her to bed EARLIER? It worked for us- we were putting dd to bed at 9pm when I was ready for bed, and she slept a lot better when put down at 7pm. Also have a quiet pre-bed routine and stick to it... bath, feed, bed or whatever, babies seem to prefer to know what's coming next! What about putting her back in the crib for a while? My dd was very unsettled when put in her cot- maybe its just too big and strange!

P.S. here I go again, like a cracked record...

Try "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It contains lots of suggestions for helping babies sleep longer.

P.P.S. my dd still thrashes and grizzles, but she's asleep...only go to her / pick her up if she's actually crying or obviously awake; she may settle herself after a few minutes.

BTW, it does get better, but steel yourself, it can get worse again as well. I speak as one who spent last night in tears on the phone to my Mum because my dd hadn't slept much all weekend. Last night she only woke twice, which was an improvement!! Babies change...

And, she is only 12 weeks. My ds (as I said on your other thread - yes it's me, the stalking mum!) did not sleep through the night until 8 months.

It might be a good idea to steel yourself for the worst case scenario, and hope that it happens sooner. Sorry to be negative, but all babies are different. You have a difficult one, and if you are sure that she is not ill, then it may just be her sleeping pattern. She will grow out of it eventually...PROMISE.

I am not sure how giving her a bottle would improve matters. Try co-sleeping. I am doing this with my dd who is now 4 months and it doesn't bother me when she wakes (around 4 times in the night). I also co-slept with ds on and off for nearly 3 years. Contrary to old wives tales they will not stay in your bed for ever. He quite happily goes to his own bed now and sleeps right through.

And another thought - babies often have a growth spurt around 12 weeks so she could just be hungry. I am afriad this is still a little early to expect her to settle into a routine. I would try getting some sleep while she sleeps (I assume you have no other children?)

Just want to second Tissy's recommendation for 'The No-Cry Sleep Solution'. I've re-read it just this afternoon and have a new plan for dd. It does get better, dd has been off for a week but prior to that was in a routine of sorts.

Alternatively Gina Ford Contented little Baby Book will have some good suggestions regardeless of you choosing to follow any routine.

Also agree on bottle feeding won't make it easier...

My ds was another one who didn't sleep through until 8months either. It was hell but we survived (just) and now it's lovely. I do know how desperate and frustrated you feel - your dd sounds just like my ds, but you aren't doing anything wrong, and nor is she, it's just what (some) babies are like! And I too think 12weeks is very young to sleep through. Can you do shifts with your dp/dh? That's what we did. Either one night on/one night off using a bottle of EBM or formula or shifts - ie I did night feeds until 3am then my dh took over. We also took it in turns to get up with him (still do!) so we each had a lie-in on alternate days. I also swore by going to bed with ds at around 3-4pm, tucking a blanket round us, cuddingling him really tight and we would very often go to sleep for 40mins or so, which gave me enough refuelling to cope. Lack of sleep is terrible, and you do need to find a way to manage it, but IME you cannot force a baby to sleep if they are not ready. If, when she is over 6months, you can try controlled crying, but not yet. Also, I took away all ds's toys, mobiles etc at night, as they seemed to excite him! Also babies of 12 weeks don't get very interested or absorbed in toys IME. The only other tip is that we found our ds slept very marginally better in his own room - and we slept better when we were asleep IYKWIM.

Well Jack slept through maybe about half the week at 3 months and the rest of the time he woke up once for a feed.

I sometimes think he ate less than he should for his age, but I was worrying over nothing (as is usually the case!). He did only wake up when he wanted something. I know some babies who cry constantly and wake up constantly. The health visitor said sometimes they do that to test your limits.

They become quite cheeky at a very young age.

:-)

Calcium

Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. It does finally stop though so keep going.

My DW was dreading having a baby that woke all the time and as I'm the one that has to get up if DD cries after about 1-2am I wasn't looking forward to it either (DW and I agreed that who got up to see to her was dependant on what time it was when we were woken).

Luckily DD started sleeping 10-12 hours a night from 7 weeks on. I'm just hoping when we have No2 that the same happens.

Calcium, does she know how to go to sleep on her own. I have a DS the same age and have just transferred him from his Moses basket beside my bed to the cot at the bottom of the bed. Up until now I have been feeding him to sleep and gently placing him in the basket asleep (sometimes for him only to wake up again a short time later) but now that he has moved to the cot when I am satisfied that he has finished I am leaving him to settle himself and feel this helps with his sleep, I believe the theory is that if they learn to go to sleep by themselves and they wake but don't need fed they can go back to sleep on their own. You may already be doing this.

Demented - you may have seen a thread I started elsewhere about this... when you say 'settle himself' what does that mean? A bit of minor whimpering for 5-10 mins or major crying for 30 mins?
Any ideas how you get babies used to settling themselves without full blown controlled crying at an early age?

MO2 he settles himself by 'talking' to himself. He is now 13 weeks and has only recently started doing this, prior to now he would have cried and I wouldn't have left him to cry (no matter how much my Mum insisted that is what he needed). He mostly makes whooping noises, cooing noises etc, farts alot and goes to sleep after about 20 minutes. HTH!

No idea how you get this to happen mind you, I think transferring him from the Moses basket to the cot further away from me has helped or maybe it is just an age thing, he is now past that colicky stage (hopefully).