Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Feeling hopeless and desperate

4 replies

BlossomBlue · 16/09/2019 10:25

Hello

I know that babies are not good sleepers, but I think mine is particularly bad and I guess I wanted opinions from others.

My little boy will be 6 months old next week. Although he's never been a good day time mapper, we were doing well at nights, with 2-3 wake ups only. Then he hit the 4 month sleep regression nice and early at 3 months and it has been torture ever since. He gets less than 11 hours sleep total in 24 hours, which is so stressful when I think about how overtired he must be, and what it's doing to his development.

His day time naps in his cot last 25 minutes tops, and that's a good one. I'd celebrate 25 mins. Usually they are 15. He might sleep longer in the carrier, pram or car but not always. I try so hard to get him to nap because I believe it is sleep deficit that is the problem, but the frustrating thing is that on the very rare occasion I can get him to sleep for an hour (this is so rare I can't tell you) his night time sleep is worse.

I watch for sleep cues. I am obsessive about awake windows. He sleeps in a totally dark room with white noise. When he wakes it's like a switch, he's just totally awake. he's rarely upset, just babbles to himself and kicks about, but I've waited 30 minutes before and he never goes back to sleep.

He used to let us rock him to sleep but now only breastfeeding does the job. This means that it's all on me and I'm so stressed and upset that I've made him so dependent on being fed to sleep. I have tried and tried other ways but it gets to the point where he has been screaming for 45 minutes and I feel cruel not letting him feed, so I give in.

At night we have a solid bedtime routine. He goes down between 6.30 and 7.30. Often he wakes after 30/40 mins and needs resettling, and then he does his longest stretch. This used to be 5 hours, but now is 3.5 absolute maximum. After the first wake up he is then up all night every hour, sometimes every half hour. Again I feed him back to sleep because I am desperate. Sometimes this won't work and he is just totally awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.

This has been going on for 10 weeks now and I am exhausted and so anxious. I feel like I have failed him. I almost regret breastfeeding him (and I am so pro breastfeeding!). I don't know what to do. I can't read 'put him down drowsy but awake' one more time!!!

Advice and opinions very very welcome x

OP posts:
burritofan · 16/09/2019 11:55

I would (and am) cosleep for survival. Feed back to sleep without opening your eyes, he'll grow out of it eventually and it's easier. And go to bed for that 3.5 hour stretch.

If pram and sling naps are easier and usually last for longer, go with those; don't really understand the need for cot naps if the pram works – and gives you more freedom to leave the house.

But I am enormously lazy and take the path of least (and cosiest) resistance. Would love a 3.5 hour stretch... (No solution to the wide-awake parties except lots of coffee the next day.)

You haven't made him dependent on boob for sleep at all; the nature of babies has done that. If he's waking up happy and babbling he can't be overtired, and I wouldn't worry about development – nature isn't going to create babies to be dependent on sleep to develop, yet simultaneously be crap at sleeping.

Mylittlepony374 · 16/09/2019 12:04

I'm sorry you too have a non-sleeper. It's tough. I actually seriously thought I might die of sleep deprivation with my first.

Co-sleeping safely (look it up) and abandoning any ideas of what "should" happen help. If sling/buggy/car work for naps then do that. She's now two and sleeps fine in her bed without breast/ any help so just know it won't last forever. She's also very intelligent so her shitty sleeping didn't negatively impact her development.

My mum had 7 kids. She has photos of one of us asleep in a garden wheelbarrow having been pushed around for a while because that's the only thing that would work.

Do whatever works. It will get better.

EdgarAllenSloe · 16/09/2019 12:07

If you suspect overtiredness then I'd definitely go with pram/sling naps for now. Take a week or so and just concentrate on getting some good long sleeps in the day. Then I'd probably feed at the first wake-up and try my damnedest to get him off to sleep another way when he starts the hourly wake-ups. And stop beating yourself up when you give in. It's not helpful to say, but the stressing about it won't be helping!

BlossomBlue · 17/09/2019 08:31

Thank you, everyone. You've made me feel much calmer. We co-slept got part of last night and it did help. But the most helpful thing was to try to let go of what is meant to be happening (2 hour lunch time nap!) and accept where we are at. Thank you all.

And @Mylittlepony374 I'm sorry to say that I laughed when you said you thought you might die of sleep exhaustion because of the amount of times I've googled it and told my husband I probably will! Xxx

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.