1 yo screaming at bedtimes & naps - HELP!!

[MammyT]

My daughter is 12 months and cries her eyes out at naptime and bedtime. This has been going on since we took away her dummy at 7.5 mths old. We expected her to settle down but if anything it's getting worse.

We have a good evening routine (bath, bottle, stories, sleeping bag) but the minute she lies down flat, the screaming starts. It can go on for over half an hour even when she is exhausted. Shush/patting doesn't work because she is in too much of a state. Whether we go back in or not is immaterial to the end result.

My HV just said to continue as we are and that she'd grow out of it

I'm pg now and really need to crack this stressful situation before number 2 arrives early next year. Has anyone had the same problem and if so, how did you solve it?

Not sure if it helps but we gave up on trying to get ds down for naps in any 'conventional' way and instead take him out in the car. Works a treat - no crying and a much less grumpy baby.

Night time we kneel by the cot and comfort him until he goes to sleep and our plan is to gradually withdrawl from this support after our holiday. It has gone from screaming and literally falling asleep standing up sobbing to going to sleep calmly in about 5 minutes. It was a real backwards step for us as I had progressed through gradual withdrawl before to being nearly out of the door but giving up bf and going back to work completely ruined it!

Good luck

I have a nearly 1 yr old and one on the way. He does this most naps and bedtimes, and I do the routine where you go back in the room after 5 mins, then 10, then 15 and finally 20 by which time he's usually asleep. I don't do it every night. Sometimes there's a piercing scream followed by silence and I know he's completely knocked out and will remain so.

I have been told its about boundary testing. I would try hard not to look troubled by it. You know the difference between this and when she's crying with illness and I was advised to keep that in mind, which definitely helped.

Why did you take away her dummy at such a young age? If it was working, then why not stick with it until she is a bit older. At least you might get some peace!

Thanks to all of you for replying!

Nat1H - we took away the dummy because she was waking up to 10 times a nigh and screaming for us to put it back in! Taking it away solved the sleepness nights but started another problem!

sleepfinder - I love the name by the way - very apt! So I am not alone.. I'd never thought of it before as boundary testing but she is very strong willed about buggies, high chairs. I guess this the one "battle" she never wins.

lorisparkle - will you let us know how you get along with kneeling beside the bed etc? I have heard of this but was concerned that she goes straight into a fit that she mightn't even see me there! Would love to hear how you get along..

I forgot to say that I started doing a 3 minute routine yesterday and that worked well in the morning nap. I'd go in every 3 mins or so and just say "everything's fine" or something like that, but then leave. I read this in Penelope Leach so thought it was worth a bash.

Fantastic! I heard P Leach was no longer fashionable (but also quite helpful sometimes...)

My DS is 11 months old and still won't settle for a nap in her cot. She will sleep V V happily in her buggy or in the car - and I have to admit, that is usually how I work it as I am on holiday right now - 6 weeks (teacher). However, she will be going back to the childminder in 3 weeks and I hoped to have this sorted - she screams for them too! Also, we struggle to get her to go to sleep in her cot at night - not because she is not tired as she will sleep happily in our bed or in our arms - but wakes as soon as she gets to her cot. Any ideas? Should we try CC or retreating - or just keep going and figure she will sort it herself?
Sorry so long...

I'm trying to get my son to settle in his cot rather than fall asleep on me at the moment and am working through a few of the suggestions in No-Cry Sleep Solution. Some of them might help, I don't know if this is your kind of thing:

My son doesn't have a dummy, but she suggests could you put 6 dummies or so around her cot? (if you don't mind going back to the dummy)
Also, does she spend nice time in her cot in the day? this can help to break the association of it just being the place mummy leaves her alone at night. just to play for 15 mins or so a couple of times a day.
can you play some favourite music in the background, just at the time she goes in the cot? or some soothing music for babies bedtimes?
has she got a favourite doll / teddy etc. who can be waiting for her in her cot (think you can even get gro-bags for teddies!)

the book also suggests phasing the way she falls asleep, like gradual retreat.
So phase 1, let her almost fall asleep on you, by rocking, cuddling, etc. whatever works, then put her in the cot, still holding round her until she is asleep. when you think this is working, move onto phase 2, do the same, but put her in the cot when sleepy, not almost asleep. if she cries pick her up and repeat, however many times needed until she falls asleep in cot. when this stage is working you can then move onto comforting without pickups, then without words, then without going into the room. It's not quick, it might take a few weeks, but I've just started with my son, who is 5.5 months and has always fallen asleep on me at bedtime and if he woke when I put him in cot, would have to hold until he was asleep again. I'm only on my 3rd night of it and he's already going into his cot awake and falling asleep in there with me comfoting him.

I know I wouldn't be able to do controlled crying, so that's why I like this book. It's not a quick solution, but what I like about it is she accepts that some nights you'll just go back to doing what you know works, because you're too tired, so it totally allows for set-backs etc.

Sorry if you've already tried all of these suggestions!

MammyT & Dysgu I meant to ask, how do your LOs react if they wake up in the middle of the night? do they settle ok, or is it the same thing over again?

The boundary testing sounds very plausible - dd is nine months and has just started screaming at bedtime in just the same way as you describe, inconsolable, only happy if picke dup, but will go to sleep eventually. Oddly, though, she is completely happy to go to sleep for a nap.

This started when we came back from holidays a few weeks ago, and is looking like it's set in as a habit - up until then she was a completely contented sleeper.

We're just going in every so often - I tend to leave her if I can hear she's just grumbling, but go in if she's so hysterical and red that she won't ever go to sleep. But I'll keep watching this thread, see if anyone comes up with a sure fire solution. (I don't want her to get used to us being with her when she goes to sleep as, until now, she's been completely happy to settle herself, and I'm loathe to undo the good work).

Oh, and she still has her dummy!

It might help to stick to your guns and let her cry it out, as long as you know she's well fed, not thirsty and tired enough etc. If you go in and pet her imo it's just sending mixed signals, and as you say it doesn't make any difference. I foudn with my first i'd do absolutely anything for him not to cry (and nearly killed myself with exhaustion as a result!). With second kids you don't have a choice - they have to be left to cry somethims or nobody would eat!

I was just wondering how everyone is getting along? No change here.. After a good few nights, she went back to all-out-screaming. I've now officially tried everything

my ds always cries when he goes for a nap (thankfully not at bedtime ) and I hate it! He usually goes off about 5 - 10mins later but I wish he wouldnt do it . He has done this ever since I instigated him napping in his cot rather than the buggy which was the only place he would nap until 8mths. I do prefer the cot nap by miles as he will sleep for 1.5hrs once he goes to sleep but I abhor the crying. He ranges from grizzling (mostly) to full on wailing (occasionally). I guess it is just his way.

bumping as this thread is right where i am at currently....