The trinity of sleep issues...

[hammeringinmyhead]

My 10 month old had a decent run of sleep between about 5 and 8 months, but now we seem to have at least one of the following every night:

1. Won't go to bed despite us starting bedtime routine at about 7 when he starts to look a bit heavy eyed. He rubs his eyes through bath, story and bottle then won't go in the cot without a quick breastfeed - this used to work, but he pings off awake after a couple of minutes and crawls away across the bed, wanting to play. Last night he eventually went to bed at 9.

1. Sleeps a decent stretch of 6-8 hours but wakes at 2.30-4.30 for 2 hours minimum. Absolutely nothing works except waiting for him to feel tired again.

1. Is awake for the day at 5.

Last night was 1 and 2. DH and I have had about 5 hours sleep with a 2 hour gap in the middle.

I can't put him to bed any earlier as he treats it as a nap and wakes after 40 minutes refreshed and ready to go. We have blackout blinds. We've tried a 2-4am bottle to fill him up. I guess I'm just wondering if there is something else we could be doing - I go back to work in 4 weeks. Or, as his 8th tooth has just come in, whether he may get better in the next couple of months if we wait it out?

I have read countless posts where babies still wake when they are 2-3 but generally not also with split nights, late bedtimes and early rising too!

I'm bumping this as he is now 12 months and DH has just had to take him down to the living room. He woke at 11 and screams if we lie him down in the cot or our bed. I genuinely dread nights at the moment.

In fairness he no longer wakes at 5am but getting him to bed requires a convoluted routine of bath, story, bottle, crawl around, put him in pram and then transfer asleep to the cot. He wakes any time from 11pm to 3am and sometimes a breastfeed works, sometimes not.

I feel like 3 months is a loooong time for it to be developmental. Is it? Will it pass?!

The trouble is there's just no answer to your question as all babies are different. Some rumble on with sleep like this well into toddlerhood, some have just a relatively shortlived bad stage.

It's so tough though, I do feel for you. That feeling of dreading the nights is extra draining, on top of all the sleep deprivation.

One thing that helped with one of mine (didn't with the other so it is a gamble) is total night weaning, which it sounds like he is old enough for. That night time milk can end up being a nice thing to wake up for and prevent them from learning to sleep through. Might be worth a go?

Thanks, that's the sort of suggestion I wanted from people who have tried something that worked!

Yep dd didn’t sleep through until I night weaned. It was a bloody horrible week, but very much worth it.

I stopped feeds in the night gradually. So I’d feed between 7pm - 6am say, then 7pm - 2am then 7pm - 11pm etc until I was only feeding her just before bed.

I also changed up her bedtime routine. So instead of bath, pjs, story, bf in her room and into cot, I did bath, pjs, bf whilst having a story in my bedroom and then took her to bed.

You have to be really firm and not give in, because as soon as they know they can cry and you’ll eventually bf you’re buggered. It is hard, but I was with dd the whole time, she was never left to cry on her own. And it took about 4 days for it to stop being totally awful, then maybe a week for it to be easy.

Also what is his nap schedule in the day?

He does about 40 mins at 10am and about 1.5 hours at 2pm. 2 days a week at nursery he does 1 90 minute nap at about 1pm. I don't think he gets enough sleep in total. I reckon about 12 hours in 24.

Just one observation - does he have a consistent sleep association? You mention a few things in your posts ( bottle, breast, good bedtime routine, blackout blinds, pushchair, taking him downstairs) and I wonder if this is confusing him. Sleep is a learnt behaviour - it's about teaching them what is acceptable to you as a parent. If it's about him going into his cot and staying there, this is what you teach. It's tough but he won't learn this if he falls asleep in a buggy or is taken downstairs in the middle of the night. It takes consistency and persistence on your part to teach him.

Is he walking? Or starting to cruise etc?

I would like to try something like pick up put down, but he throws himself around in the cot, standing and then falling backwards. It feels dangerous to just let him do it.

He is cruising and letting go of things with one hand.

The taking downstairs last night was after 90 minutes of us trying breastfeeding, into cot, patting, then leaving the room. Eventually DH took him downstairs as I am now back at work and have to drive etc. He works from home so is more able to cope with lack of sleep.

I understand how hard it is - really do.
What about gradual retreat rather than pick up put down?
If he is standing it's a case of lying him back down with zero interaction - a million times if you have to. He will go mental - he will be expressing his frustration rather than distress if that makes sense?

Yeah their sleep usually goes to absolute pot when they’re learning to walk. Dd was awful for 6 months.

I did a version of pick up put down, without the picking up because it used to wake dd up more/distress her if I was picking her up.

I moved her cot back into my room, popped her in her sleep sack, laid her down and told her night night! (This was for a nap, I found it easier than doing it the first time at night).

I then laid down on my bed where she could see me and pretended to go to sleep. She hated it obviously, and screeched her fury at me. But I was right there, she could see me, she knew nothing bad was happening. Just I wasn’t going to jump up to get her out.

Took about 30 mins of her screaming at me, then crying, then moaning, then she laid down and went to sleep!

I kept her cot in my room for a few days and continued with the exact same routine - put her down, laid down next to her where she could see me. By the 3rd day she was asleep in 5 minutes for naps and night time.

Then I moved her cot back into her room and she’s slept through every night bar illness since then. 1.5 years of blissful sleep!

Thank you both. This might work MustardScreams. I can start with day naps!