Is CIO our only option?

[BringMeThatHorizon]

I really really don't want to do CIO but I'm struggling to see how we can ever see any improvements if we don't.

My 10.5 month is awake screaming all night. Every night.

Up until about a month ago we were using the Lucy Wolfe stay and support method, and doing pretty well. Now when I put him down he immediately starts screaming and doesn't let up until I rock him to sleep. At bedtime and naps he goes down from rocking quite easily as he's knackered. However, when he wakes overnight he needs rocking each time to go back to sleep. It can take up to 3 solid hours of rocking each time to get him to go back to sleep overnight. Last night he was awake crying from 12.30 to 4am. Nothing would settle him. Every time he was put in his cot, awake or asleep, he'd scream. Every time we attempted to sit down or slow the rocking speed he'd scream.

We have tried - cosleeping (doesn't work, screams just the same if he's put down in bed or in his cot), feeding (hasn't fed to sleep for months, doesn't work), white noise (can't see any difference), having a nightlight on (again hasn't made any difference), getting him up in the middle of the night to play and then redoing bedtime routine (stops the screaming but not the hours of awake time), playing music (sometimes works if he's very tired already), light projection (doesn't have any effect), dummy (has one but chucks it out if the cot continuously).

I physically can't hold him for the length of time it takes to rock him to sleep, so this can't continue.

I don't see what other options we have other than just sitting next to him so he knows we're here and letting him scream until he's so tired he has to go to sleep. Tonight he's been standing up in his cot screaming for almost an hour. We've picked him up to calm him down a few times, keep passing him his dummy and rubbing his back when he'll let us but I'm just not sure what else we can do.

I feel completely hopeless and lost. He's getting nowhere near enough sleep and is constantly exhausted, as are we.

have you tried gradual retreat?

Or Dana Obleman method?

Bring him into to your bed, most babies love that.

Is the first stage of gradual retreat to put them down drowsy but awake and sit with them/stroke them until they fall asleep? He starts screaming the second he's put in the cot and nothing will calm him down until he's picked up, so I'm not not sure how we'd even start it?

Oh, sorry, I missed where you said you’d done that.

How long has it been going on? Is he unwell?

Does he only scream if he’s laying down? Or is it he screams because he’s out of your arms?

Hi @escapade1234 - I'd love him to settle in our bed but he won't, we've tried!

It's been going on for about a month now. He's not unwell. We've taken him to the doctors to check for ear infections etc but there's nothing. I don't think it's teething but do use teething gels and sometimes give a preemptive dose of calpol, doesn't seem to make any difference though. He has a milk allergy and I've tried restricting other common allergens from his diet in case he's reacting to something but haven't noticed an improvement yet.

@OkPedro He screams if he's in the cot. When I'm holding him he'll look like he's going to sleep but is constantly wriggling, sticking fingers in my mouth, taking his dummy out and throwing it in the floor then crying for it. As soon as he's put down he starts getting hysterical. The only way I've found is just to hold him for ages and ride it out until he's in such a deep sleep that I can put him down, but he's heavy and it's killing my arms to hold him for hours on end!

There is a whole process to gradual retreat, will try to re-post in the morning unless somebody else can.

To be honest cry it out sounds harsh and I feel I get looked down on a lot by other mums who don't agree with the method but in reality it works very quickly and it sounds like your little one is crying a lot anyway with your current methods. Also now my daughter sleeps and I sleep we are both soooo much happier!
We did letting her cry but going in at two, then four, then six minute intervals until she fell asleep.
Don't say anything when you go in, lay him back down in the cot, pat his chest for ten seconds and then leave the room. That way he knows you are still there. Do not pick him up and don't give in. The first two nights are the hardest. It took us three nights with crying on and off and now little one sleeps through twelve hours, even when she's sick and teething!
The longer you leave it the harder it gets to do this method as they get so stubborn and get angry as they get older.
What I would say is, you have to commit to this method. It is just plain cruel to do it for a few nights and then give up because it's not working, so commit to it for a solid week and consistency is the key. Also have something to do like a jigsaw or watch tv, otherwise the crying seems like it lasts forever. I just kept telling myself that even when we were trying the other methods, she was screaming anyway, so it would be worth it in the end. Good luck !

It’s because you are picking him up. He is screaming for you to hold him to sleep. In the end you give in an do it so that’s what he is waiting for.
If you have decided not to do that any more, then you just never do it. Never. You comfort him in his cot with patting or stroking but you do not pick him up.
Also try not to pat all the way to sleep.

We did gradual retreat with our ds and whilst there was s bit of crying we never left them to cry. Our health visitor recommended the book 'teach your child to sleep'. It has step by step instructions for different methods including gradual retreat and you choose the method that suits you and your lo.

In gradual retreat the first step is rocking them to sleep at bedtime and each time they wake. You do this for three nights (or so) The next stage is instead of rocking you just hold them. Again you do this for three night. Then you lie with them or hold them whilst they are in their cot. Then you gradually give less support until you are sat just outside the bedroom. It does take a long time and it does involve crying when you change between each stage but you stick it out and it does work.

The thing to remember that however you have been getting them to sleep previously has been all they know and you can not expect a 'quick fix'.

We had a couple of hideous months of being awake from 1-4am. It did just stop. CIO, after 2 weeks had made no impact.
Not quite as bad as you, in that if my fingers/hand was in the cot, he would babble in a normal voice. I spent hours dozing on his floor in a pile of blankets and spare duvets, with my hand wedged through the cot bars.
Good luck, whatever you do