Ten-week-old will only sleep when held - any advice?

[bottomflannel]

I have a 10-week-old high-needs baby who hates to be put down during the day and who will only sleep at night while being held. He will sometimes nap in the pram or sling, but not often, and he hates the car, so the majority of his naps are in arms also, and my goodness does he make us work for them.

At night he is nursed to sleep lying down on our bed by around 6.30/7pm (he gets really fussy if we try to keep him downstairs, plus it’s not fair on my 8-year-old to have to keep quiet all evening - baby is a light sleeper) and I stay with him until about 7.45pm until DH has got older DS into bed and then we swap so I can say goodnight to older DS. I then go downstairs at 8.15ish to eat and have a short rest until baby wakes at around 9ish, sometimes later, which is when DH brings him downstairs. I feed him in the dark, he goes straight back to sleep and then DH holds him on his lap so I can sleep. This is usually between 9.30pm and 12/1am with a feed in the middle sometimes. Then I take baby up to bed while DH sleeps. And he will only sleep on me from this point on, so I sleep semi-reclined and propped up by pillows so there is no chance of baby rolling off me. He then sleeps until 7am, feeding every 2/2.5hrs or so.

Needless to say, this is far from ideal but it is the only way we’ve found to get any sleep. I never intended to bed share but wouldn’t mind so much if he would only settle on the bed next to me or in his sidecar crib. But apart from the very first bit of sleep, he doesn’t seem to be able to settle after nursing lying down - he suffers with quite bad wind at times and his latch isn’t the greatest as I have a very fast flow. He also doesn’t seem particularly comfortable on me either as he squirms about most of the night, which is pretty uncomfortable for us both. I’ve tried waiting till he is in a deep enough sleep to roll him gently off me and on to his side, but he just can’t seem to get comfortable.

Can anyone suggest anything (that doesn’t involve him being left to cry) that might help, other than time? Or do I just need to ride it out until he is a bit older?

My older son was also a high-needs baby and an atrocious sleeper and didn’t sleep through reliably until he was two. So while I have experience in tricky babies and know that tough times pass eventually, I’m scared that we have fallen into bad habits already - rods and backs have been mentioned by well-meaning family members more than once :( - by not getting him into his cot to sleep for at least one stretch.

Does anyone have any advice?
Thanks in advance.

No advice but solidarity! And I don't think you can have bad habits or back rods with small babies. The buggers have to sleep and so do you, far better you all get some sleep than you try to make a square peg fit a round hole. (Or in this case, a square baby fit a round crib. Or something.)

Keep persisting with the put-down once or twice a week, I guess, knowing it will change eventually. Focus on trying to fix the wind, maybe? DD is a crap sleeper but is gradually managing to sleep through her fartiness at 17 weeks (wakes for a million other reasons though ) by sleeping on her side/half on tummy.

My DS was like this as he had silent reflux. There is medication available but we went with raising his cot at one end so he wasn't lying flat which helped a bit.

Once he was eating solid food the issue resolved itself.

I don't have any advice but both my DC were the same and I also had family and friends telling me I was making bad habits/rod for my own back. We carried on, for us it was whatever gets DC to sleep and whilst it is hard at the time - it doesn't last forever!

OP I could have written this post. My son is 13 weeks and exactly the same. Apart from the whole passing to my husband part, as mine works offshore.
As a previous poster mentioned, mine has reflux I'm sure of it. I'm going to see a gp tomorrow to see about getting rantitine, which another mum told me worked with her boy.
Also my mum keeps trying to get me to put him on solids (rusks), which I'm reluctant to do but she is convinced that this will settle him.
I think just keep trying to put him down, so he gets used to it. But also, just go with it while they are this young. It's a phase and will pass, eventually!!

Thank you all for your replies. We’re 12 weeks now. He’s still feeding to sleep on my bed but when he comes back upstairs after DH’s turn to hold, he’s sometimes allowed me to settle him back on the bed. This can last till around 1am or 4am (with regular wakes, ofc), then eventually he gets fed up and I take him back in my arms until wake-up time (7am).

He’s been able to manage the odd nap in his pram too, and the other day, after his 12-week jabs, in the car seat for the first time ever.

Last week, he woke up early from a nap (fed him to sleep) and I was busting for the loo, so I quickly went for a wee. When I came back he was laying quietly and gently dozed back off for 20 minutes.

Does this sound like progress, do you think?

I’m so glad to read that your baby is starting to sleep a bit better. DD is 11 weeks and will not sleep unless she’s on either me or DH. People keep suggesting co-sleeping but it doesn’t work as sleeping next to me isn’t good enough for her, she has to be held.
Did you just persist with what you were doing and he got better by himself, or did you do anything differently that seemed to work?

All I’ve done, really, is put him down every now and then (when I’ve managed a couple of hours’ sleep in the early evening and feel “rested” (LOL) enough to give him a chance at settling beside me. Mostly he won’t, but sometimes he does. Haven’t forced anything with him - if he won’t settle it’s back on me for the night.

Sorry you are in the same boat! I just keep telling myself that everything is a phase, including this!

Have you tried swaddling? It worked like a dream for DD. We've had to stop now, which has been a step backwards, but it was invaluable at your LO's age.