Baby will only sleep if fed to sleep

[MeredithGrey1]

DD is 7.5 weeks and will only sleep if she’s fed to sleep. She’s ebf and in the evenings once she’s asleep it’s ok and she can generally be easily transferred to her crib, but if she wakes she will need nursing again even if it’s only been 10 minutes since she was put down.
This is annoying but fine, the real problem is during the day. She will only nap after feeding, so I end up with a sleeping baby on me, but she then absolutely won’t be moved without waking (which then results in her needing feeding again). This means I spend half the day on the sofa with her lying on me. I’ve tried putting her down, and then soothing her again in the crib to try and get her to go back to sleep but nothing works and she just gets more and more unsettled and agitated until I feed her again and she falls asleep 30 seconds later (and still won’t be moved).

Will this get better by itself? It’s so draining being the only person who can send her to sleep, and I hate spending my afternoons trapped on the sofa by her sleeping. DH is great, but it gets him down too, because when she’s tired she’ll just get agitated and cry when she’s with him no matter what he tries, and will settle almost immediately on me. He knows it’s not a judgement on him of course, but he just can’t help feeling like he’s failing when he can’t soothe her.

You have my full sympathy. I had one of these

It did get better, but only as she fed less in the day. But it only really stopped once she dropped all her daytime naps! In the meantime I just used to make the most of being pinned to the sofa by a sleeping baby: make sure I’d been to the toilet before feeding(!), have a drink to hand, the TV remote, my kindle, phone (charged!) etc.

I did find that occasionally she’d settle to sleep in the sling, which at least meant I could move around with her.

I also had one like this. I will say that now at 16 months she's a great sleeper and has been for a while, so if you're ok with feeding to sleep for now I wouldn't worry about the future.

I know some parents will chime "breastmilk and a sling!" to a query about a 14 year old with too much screentime, but I did find a carrier so helpful. I meant I had my arms free so I was much more comfy and I could get up and down without disturbing her. I still just sat on the sofa and ate chocolate while she slept though! When she's a little bigger she'll get a bit of a routine which will at least make it all a bit more predictable which I found made things easier on me.

I had one of these and managed to get her sleeping in the bouncy chair around four months. I had to bounce her - not just put the vibrate setting on - had to keep doing it till she was deep asleep, then gradually taper off to avoid her waking. Then I could sneak away. The crucial thing was to start this before she was too tired. DD could cope with about two hours awake, sonid start doing it at about 1 hour and 45 minutes. You sort of need to work out where your baby's limit is!

Of course we then had an issue because she would only nap in the bouncer...but that's a problem for later!

My eldest did this until he was 18 months!

But seriously now he's 14 and yes I blinked and it was gone it feels like I had him for such a short time being a baby. I would recommend to not stress and just do what the baby needs at the moment. 8 weeks in nothing in the scheme of things

My 12-week old is like that (also EBF on demand) - nighttimes are fine as he usually wakes up to feed only twice, and doesn’t mind the crib.

All daytime naps are on top of me, but that’s not my issue, my question is this - should naps still be on demand or should I start creating a routine? I read that around 4mo naps should ideally be at 9, 12 and 15hrs for optimal bedtime.

Thoughts?

This is just a phase! Prepare for it before naps ie before you start feeding, make sure you are comfy with everything you need so you don't have to shift from the sofa.

Since my 16wo wakes approx 1,000 times in the night I appreciate the "pinned to the sofa" time (though she won't feed to sleep in the day, it's all sling so I don't get my sofa time til I've jiggled around).

7worfs I'm still doing naps on demand. DD can only do 45 minutes for the first nap of the day, 30 minutes for the rest, so she takes 5 naps, generally, based on her tired cues. There are lots of "this routine works best" theories but the babies haven't read them; if DD only napped at 3pm she'd be a nightmare come 7pm bedtime. I think it's fine to just do what works for your baby and you; patterns will emerge eventually and then inevitably change.

@burritofan thank you, that was my thought as well, going by tiredness cues, but got slightly worried that nighttime sleep starts at different times b/w 6 and 8pm.

Mine is on 45min cycles, sleeps 1-2, sometimes 3-4 cycles, stays awake for 1, 2 or 3. I’m watching the clock like a hawk, this first time mother thing is exhausting

@7Worfs It is so exhausting! I wish someone would watch me all day and make me take lots of lovely naps! And constantly reassure me that I'm doing the right thing by burning all the baby manuals except Penelope Leach.

My feeling is that 12 weeks is TINY, your baby is so new to the world and doesn't know how to tell the time or what a clock is or what night/day are. It was only at 14.5 weeks my DD settled into a half-hour slot for bedtime and I know my sister's children didn't establish a regular bedtime until 6 months; bedtime being between 6 & 8pm sounds pretty good, your baby is getting there! The best advice I've been given is that we can't make bad habits this early. And babies aren't robots: a pattern/routine is good but a strict by-the-clock schedule doesn't work, especially when they're still in the mad growth spurt/leap/developmental nonsense phase.

I had two like this! I think acceptance is the best way to go, just try to let it be and make the most of the time you have to read, watch Netflix etc! Also if you can get the knack of feeding lying down (disclaimer: follow safe sleep guidelines when bed sharing etc) then you can sneak off once they're asleep!