Baby won't settle at night on her own

[megan160]

My little girl is a month old this Sunday, and this has been a problem since the day she was born (literally)

She refuses to sleep in her Moses basket. When I go up to my mums, she won't sleep in the travel cot there either .. Basically she refuses to sleep anywhere where it means she's on her own. I know it's frowned upon but I've had her in bed with me a bunch of times, and she settles and falls asleep straight away. She's a clingy baby anyway, always has to be cuddled up to she can't stand being left on her own.

At the moment, because I'm doing all of this on my own, I'm absolutely knackered, so if having her in bed with me gets her to sleep, I don't care. But at the same time I don't wanna keep doing it, purely because of the dangers, and I don't want her getting too used to it otherwise it'll be too difficult to get her to settle in her own room when that time comes around.

So I'm looking for any advice / tips - anything at all from anyone - on how I can get her settled and to sleep in her Moses basket?? This is my 1st baby, I'm doing it on my own so it's all very new to me .. Anything will be appreciated!

In the nicest possible way... she’s being a perfect baby. She is making sure you are always nearby to meet all her needs! In your position I would research safe co sleeping and embrace it. You will both get more sleep.

A month old is tiny. Loads of babies won’t settle on their own at that age. Research safe co-sleeping and keep on doing what works, if it means you both get sleep.

If you set up co-sleeping safely, don’t drink or smoke, and don’t fall asleep with baby on a sofa or chair the risks are really small.

I feel for you as so many people go on about babies sleeping through from birth! None of mine have and nor have most of my friends...

You sound like you're really tired, you poor thing.

At a month old your baby will just want to be cuddled and held by the person she needs most in the world.

As long as you co sleep safely it's fine, do whatever you can to ensure you both get sleep x

I co slept with both of mine , it meant no getting up in the night which I thought was fantastic, and very secure happy children.
Look up the safety guidelines for co sleeping, they’re quite straightforward.
More of the world co sleep than don’t, you’ll be in good company.

Congratulations on your little girl, and look forward to feeling more rested x

ok 1 month is nothing. demand nothing of her, expect nothing of her. just go with it. research the fourth trimester. all annoying phases will quickly be replaced with other annoying phases. you are at the beginning of a rollercoaster but it's FINE and you can absolutely do it. but yes, you need to sleep.

i co-slept with my son who was a non sleeping booby limpet and i have no regrets. now he's 2 and weaned and sleeps in his own bed perfectly. now we did it for 15 months which worked for us and when he went into his own bed he adapted very quickly.

first and foremost, do what gets you through. i whole heartedly advocate for safe cosleeping and wish it wasn't condemned by "authorities", because i did feel guilty the whole time. it's only now i look back and think yep, i did the right thing for both of us. my second is due in January and I'll happily do the same again with much less guilt this time.

She's tiny and wants and needs to be close to you. Co-sleep following the guidelines and you will be fine and both get more sleep.
Perhaps try the Moses basket every now and then, some nights you might get lucky. I did a mixture of the above and he now sleeps in his cot absolutely fine.

My 18month old still won’t settle or sleep alone 🤦🏼‍♀️ No tips as still stuck myself

I don't want her getting too used to it otherwise it'll be too difficult to get her to settle in her own room
She's already used to being close to you - she's been inside you for almost all of her existence! And it won't be any harder to get her used to it gradually/later/as she gets older than it is now when she's teeny. Honestly, gentle sleep training with a 9/20/12 month old will be much easier than trying to cure a newborn of all their natural instincts!

That should have been *9/10/12 month old - but frankly, whenever you choose as long as they're older and starting to get more independent. It will be harder now, while she's so little.

She’s only one month old - it’s quite normal at that age, it called the fourth trimester for a reason. It is exhausting - but that’s babies for you. Research safe co-sleeping if you’re happy for her to sleep next to you.

My two didn't want to sleep in their cots either (did in their pram during the day, though, weird). What I did was co-sleep, but every night I'd give them a 'practice run' in their cot until they made clear they had had enough. At first they'd only last 5 minutes, but the time increased until they actually fell asleep in it. Then they'd sleep only the first part of the night in their cot (until first feed) and after that they wouldn't object anymore to being put back in bed.

I think the practice run lasted between 2 and 4 weeks.

The key is to keep trying, though.

I personally didn't like co-sleeping, because I didn't sleep well myself, always very aware of that small baby next to me, never able to roll over, etc. That on its own was exhausting.

She's a clingy baby anyway, always has to be cuddled up to she can't stand being left on her own.
She's not clingy! She's just a baby. Of course she doesn't want to be left on her own, she's tiny and has no idea what's happening.

If it helps, I moved DD from our bed into a sidecar crib in tiny increments night by night, getting to the point where I could even zip the side up and enjoy the duvet. Then she regressed and now sleeps cradling my boob with her hands.

I know the "she'll be in my bed forever" fear but I think it all depends on personality and not much you can do about it. My siblings never much went into our parents' bed. Even up til age 11 I used to sneak into theirs after bedtime because I loved being discovered when they came to bed, and being carried back to mine and tucked in again. Bonus cuddles! But at a month old there's no way of knowing if your DD will be as big a dickhead as I was

Google the fourth trimester OP and it might reassure you that your baby is doing what’s completely normal for her age. There is no such thing as a clingy one month old, it’s natural for her to want to be as close as possible to you while she’s still so tiny and it’s too young to set up bad habits by having her in your bed. Do what you can at the present moment to get more sleep and if that means safe co-sleeping then I would totally do it. It’s what I did with my DS during the early weeks when he wouldn’t settle in his crib, but after a while he did and we no longer co sleep. We also used a Sleepyhead which helped DS to feel snug and cocooned. Some people dispute the safety of these but it was a godsend for us!

She's a month old, she's still in the fourth trimester. It really is hard but you are her world, you are her comfort and she needs you.

There's absolutely nothing to say that she won't settle in her own room. DD went in her own room at 5 months and was completely fine, despite only sleeping on me for the first months of her life.

My girl was the same at that age, wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on me and would scream if she went in her crib.

She’s now five months old and a great sleeper (sleeps 8/9 hours straight in he cot). It’s so tiring but very normal for babies to only want to sleep on you at that age.

Do what you need to do to get some sleep! If that means safely co-sleeping, do it. My partner and I would do shifts: he would sit up holding her on him for 4/5 hours whilst I slept and then I’d get up and take over whilst he slept. But I appreciate that with you being on your own, you can’t do that.