Please help me, what is THE best sleep guide

[moobar]

Reaching broken again.

Been there, tried it, failed it.

DD ten months, wakes every half hour at night, on a good night. Won't nap unless on me.

I need to get her sleeping normally in her cot. She can do it. Twice she has done 8 to 6.

I've not done a strict gentle sleep schedule. Or a cry it out one but I don't think that's for her.

What is the plan I need to try and follow and stick to. So many books claiming to be the best, what's really worked. Please. Help me.

If there was one magic fail-safe, suits all there would only be one book.....

I know, I'm sorry, I worded it badly.

I mean what's worked for people. Which gentle sleep book would you recommend. I need to be firmer about structure I think. I need a routine.

Can you tell me what your routine is now? How are her naps?

Naps are a disgrace as well. About an hour in morning split in car. Afternoon half two to four on me. Absolutely will not be put down.

Tea half five, bath, bottle, start trying to get to bed seven. Down eight, then up every half hour all night. Screaming inconsolable. Pick up, cuddle, put down once asleep, repeat.

Has dummy for sleep only. Was BF then mix now just bottle.

Thank you

Okay so...I would start by trying to get her naps sorted. Forget about bedtime for now. Can you clear a few days to stay home to focus on naps? How do you think you are for picking up on tired cues? Is she getting overtired do you think?

At 10 months I would imagine she’ll be getting tired after about 3 hours, you need to try and get her down for a nap BEFORE she starts getting grouchy, eye rubbing etc. I’ve always been amazed with my DD (8 months) that I put her down after a couple of hours even though she’s not really seeming tired and she’s flat out in 5 mins. Keep a eye on the clock and make sure you are giving her the opportunity to nap at appropriate intervals. Does the dummy help settle her a bit? Does she have any other sort of comforter? Teddy? Muslin? At 10 months she can have something in the cot with her if that helps.

I would try putting down at 2.5-3 hours, stay by crib reassuring her but try not to pick her up. Stroke her head, rub her back, sing to her. It will take a bit of perseverance but once she is able to fall asleep in the cot with you there providing comfort in ways other than holding you can start to progress. Singing works a charm for my DD although I loathe ‘wheels on the bus’ and ‘sing a rainbow’ with a passion now 😂

At ten months and with the pattern you describe , I don’t think the problem is your schedule. It’s that she doesn’t know how to get back to sleep by herself. We all wake very slightly every sleep cycle (40 minutes or so). Children and adults just go straight back to sleep but young babies sometimes need help (BF, rocking etc) to go into their next sleep cycle. Then if they always get that help, they learn that that is how to get to the next cycle and they don’t know any other way, so they cry for it.

Basically to stop this you would need to teach her to go to sleep by herself, at bedtime and nap times. There is a quick way to do this (controlled crying) and a much slower way without crying (gradual retreat).

Sounds like gradual retreat would suit you best. Lots of methods out there but they are all similar, basically try to give your LO slightly less help to sleep every night or every few nights. The aim is that by the end you can put her down awake, say night night and leave and she will chat a bit, maybe whinge a little and then sleep.

On the plus side it sounds like your LO is cuddled to sleep rather than fed to sleep - I think it’s much easier to change the cuddling to sleep habit as they aren’t relying on it for food.

Bedtime and the first nap of the day tend to be the easiest in terms of getting them to go to sleep by themselves. Any late afternoon nap I would still help her (buggy trip maybe?)

Ok, thank you both, very helpful.

Yes I can clear a few days and will do that.

Yes she cannot self settle. Okay so I'm looking for guidance on how to do this on a gentle basis. Gradual retreat. Is there a book you can recommend on this either? At the moment as soon as I put her in crib awake she screams. Proper crying, it's awful.

I haven’t used any books as yet so can’t recommend any I’m afraid.

When she starts crying when you put her down is there anything you can do to distract her? Smiling, pulling faces, singing, anything calms her down a bit? Might be worth trying to sit her in her cot during the day to play while you potter about upstairs, just so she gets used to being in there a bit? I did this with my DD in the few weeks before we moved her into her own room and let her just spend time in there with a few toys while I put some washing away etc.

I found the baby sleep site online to be a wealth of useful information. I'd echo pp about starting with naps, mostly because you'll be more able to face it! I would also say that considering how much it sounds like she's crying already, with what you're currently doing, it could be worth considering something like controlled crying / interval checks. She's most likely going to cry when you do gradual retreat. At least intervals might get it over with quicker, rather than dragging it out / confusing her. Big sympathy!!