Feeling defeated and lost

[Megansince89]

My little girl has never slept well. She is 10 months now. And still not got any better. She wakes up around 20 times a night crying not happy. She co sleeps with us (not by choice!) and I'm totally fed up. I feel like a bad mum because I can't seem to help to sleep. I am feeling so frustrated and low and it's making me not want to be around her. I can't talk to my partner about it as I just don't feel he understands. I really feel so alone in this. I'm just so tired.

I really sympathise with you, sleep deprivation is the worst. What are her naps like? What happens when you try and get her to sleep in her cot? At six months old my little girl was waking so much so I done some gentle sleep training and it was literally the best thing I ever did for us all. Still have the odd night of waking up but most nights she sleeps from 7-5.30/6.30

Does she sleep if she’s in a sling? With hindsight, I think dd suffered reflux and I wish we had pushed for more effective medication than crappy gaviscon that didn’t help. Dd hiccuped a lot and always did a slightly acidic smelling burp after a feed.

Which affected her sleep.

I have no good advice, I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I'm getting flashbacks to my son's sleep before 18 months and between 6 and 12 months was particularly awful. The exhaustion really is something else.

Keep trying the practical things everyone and their dog will suggest, you never know, one might actually work. But some people just don't sleep well, and there will be nothing you can do to fix it. It's not your fault. Please be kind to yourself.x

Regarding your partner....

Tell him. Tell him how exhausted you are. If he makes any noises about you exaggerating, wake him up every time you're woken and he'll soon get it. And make sure he's doing everything he can to maximise your sleep. It all feels a bit better when you've had a bit more sleep yourself.

And it doesn't last. It is no comfort right now, but it will get better.

Tell him. Tell him how exhausted you are. If he makes any noises about you exaggerating, wake him up every time you're woken and he'll soon get it. And make sure he's doing everything he can to maximise your sleep.
Yes yes yes to this. I survive by DP taking our daughter in the morning before work so I can nap; I hand her over the second he gets home. At weekends as far as I'm concerned he's in charge of her naps & playtime & nappies, I'm in charge of me lying down and sleeping.

Tell him. Wake him up. Keep him awake til the baby resettles.

@SS1987 where did you find how to gently sleep train? Any sources you can share ?

@Haggisfish she is far too big and heavy for a sling but she did suffer with reflux before, so could still be the case. She does hiccup a lot!

@Notlostjustexploring
Thank you, it means a lot to hear it gets better. Yes, similarly after 6 months she just got worse and worse. She is such a happy baby. But doesn't sleep. They only way she will settle is always while nursing which means all the pressure is on me. I find it hard to talk to my partner as he has mentioned I've moaned a lot since having our little girl. But I do worry that I need someone to talk to.

@burritofan yes you are right. I think he feels like he's working as tired too. I'm sure if I asked he would take her off my hands on the weekend. But I don't want to ask. I want him to just do it!

We tried a wedge to keep her propped up a bit which helped a bit. I really wish I’d been more insistent on better medication to try. Dd still suffers reflux now, and she’s 9!

You've probably moaned a lot because you're bloomin exhausted. He really doesn't get it. When you're that tired the joy of life starts getting sucked from you, life loses it's colour and everything is grey.

I sympathise. When you're feeling awful, you want your partner to properly notice and damn well help you out. Some people are just a bit dense when it comes to empathy. Spell it out to him. You're on your knees. Tell him. And tell him your sleep is a priority.

And ignore the fact he's at work. Unless he's a junior doctor working A&E or a miner on double shifts you are more in need of the sleep. I returned to work in the thick of the sleep deprivation and I tell you it's easier to be at work.

Have you tried spending a day feeding her up and trying to overstimulate and exhaust her? Might score you a block of sleep. Occasionally sorta worked for me.

I will confess to having the occasional moment of regret that baby cough syrup is no longer laced with laudenum...

If you need to talk, talk to us. Actually I think there might be a non sleeping baby support thread on here somewhere, so you will know you're definitely not alone.

I think the sleep training you do depends on what she’s like when you put her down in her cot to sleep? Does she scream and get really worked up? Mine never got that bad so I could just ssshhh her and lay my hand on her back to belly until she calmed and then leave the room. She wasn’t able to sit or stand when I done it so much easier. What’s she like napping?

Practical suggestion regarding reflux. Gripe water has a soothing effect on the throat and may help her sleep for a wee bit longer.

Also, ranitidine. See a GP. It's fantastic stuff.

@SS1987

Yeh she just stands are cries and screams in her cot. She won't lay down. So it's super hard. I can't even begin to think how I can train her to stay in there.

@Notlostjustexploring I actually have grip water but never used it. I will give it a go and see if it makes a difference.

@Notlostjustexploring

Reading your post made me laugh. Thank you for your helpful words. So easy to feel defeated and I think unless you are a mum going through something similar you just can't understand. I will try to talk with my partner before I become resentful!