Being a mummy to a preemie

[Jlbduffy]

Hello fellow mums, I am a mummy to a 3 month old baby boy he’s 5 weeks old corrected age,I’ve had an awful 3 months I went for a growth scan and within the hour he was taken out of me via emergency section, he was 3lb 14ozs and he was on CPAP and had various tubes coming from him,he’s healthy now and is growing well he spent a month in hospital and I was lucky to be able to bring him home before his due date.I am struggling with an overwhelming amount of guilt, the guilt I couldn’t keep him safe in my tummy,the fact that I had to take tablets to get my breast milk going and now I feel as though my body has betrayed me again because my breast milk has stopped,I have done everything I could to keep it going.Has anyone experienced this? And how did you get through it?

No experience of this but just want to say that you sound like an amazing mummy to me who is doing everything possible for your LO 🙂 don't beat yourself up... Especially not about BF, babies need love more than anything else and you obviously love your lo loads🙂

@Jlbduffy congratulations on your little boy.

My Dd was born early too. I've also had the guilt that I couldn't keep her in until her due date. It's taken a few months but I've come to release that it doesn't work like that, you are not to blame. I'm sure you will get there too. It might be worth seeking out a local mums mental health support group, I found that really helpful.

Regards breastfeeding, fed is best. If you got even just a little bit of breast milk for your Ds that's awesome. But formula will do him no harm. Love and cuddles and a full tummy will help him thrive.

I had a 28 weeker. I recognise all the feelings well! There's a bizarre sense of loss and grief for your pregnancy, I felt so sad that I didn't get the experience I should have and that my baby had to go through all the trauma of 12 weeks in NICU. I don't think anyone can prepare you for the overwhelming feelings. BUT it does get easier! In 6 months your baby will be more robust and you will be able to enjoy it all a lot more. Hang in there and go easy on yourself x

My twins were 32 weekers (2lb7oz and 3lb5oz) and spent 6 weeks in NICU/SCBU. They were IVF babies, born by emergency C and had to have emergency blood transfusions after birth as it turned out my blood platelet type was incompatible to them and my antibodies had been attacking them throughout my pregnancy. Had I had gone full term, the health consequences to them would have been devastating. I will never stop feeling guilty about what I consider as forcing my body in to doing something it wasn’t meant to do (get pregnant and carry a baby) and how bad it could have turned out.

BUT...They are now 2 years old, happy, healthy and none the wiser about their early weeks. I think all new mums suffer from guilt, anxiety, feelings that they aren’t doing enough or are undeserving. You are doing the best you can and should be proud. The best advice I was given whilst they were in hospital was from a nurse who said ‘these first few weeks in hospital will have no impact on your relationship with them growing up.’ Give yourself a break - see how much you are doing for them, be grateful for what your body has done to this point and appreciate how far you have come from those early hospital days. The guilt might not go totally go away, but I think that’s motherhood I’m afraid, whether you have prem or full term babies! x

Very similar to me except we made it to 35 weeks but one of my twins was very growth restricted and stopped moving - he was 3lb 6oz and his twin was 4.5lb.

He spent two months in hospital. I pumped every 2 hours for seven bloody months and never produced enough milk for them both.

They are almost 3 now and things have been very hard as they are both disabled.

I’d really recommend seeking some counselling - you are definitely not alone. It is not your fault, none of it is your fault at all. You can only do your best

Congratulations @Jlbduffy

I'm mum to two preemies - DD was born at 31 weeks and DS 34 weeks. DS needed no intervention and came home with me after 1 week.

DD on the other hand was in neonatal for one month and it was awful. I felt so much guilt - guilt for not being able to keep her safe, guilt for having to come home from hospital without her, guilt that my milk never came in and I couldn't feed her, just endless guilt about everything really. I felt like an awful person as I felt very resentful at times towards the nurses etc (even though they were amazing) because they were there for her in the night when it should have been me, I had to ask permission to hold her etc.

I thought it would be easier once I got her home but it wasn't - I worried about absolutely everything. DD turned out to have severe reflux which was very isolating as I felt like I couldn't go to baby groups etc. After six months at home I was diagnosed with PND and needed help for that.

BUT! It does get easier. With time, I came to realise she was not as fragile as I thought she was and she has always been one of the healthiest kids I know - she's never ill!

It's the worst thing I've ever been through but it has made me a much stronger person. You will be ok x I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, it's just my experience x