He's been a struggle with his sleep since birth tbh. Never napped unless I walked him in pushchair, wore him or breastfed. He was waking several times a night until he was 3. He has never fallen asleep alone. He fed to sleep until I stopped feeding at around 3 1/2. Don't judge, I was happy to feed, I wanted him to self wean and it just went on a bit longer than I anticipated but it was right for us.
He is very energetic, we do stuff with him a lot, loads of outdoor stuff like river, walks, castle, walking to and from town, playgrounds, meeting friends. He just resists sleep like you wouldn't believe. Even as a 1 year old he would wake himself up if he was starting to doze. He basically hates closing his eyes!
My boyfriend has always worked shifts so he's used to daddy not always being home. Until about a year ago he refused to even go to bed with daddy, only me so it's been an intense few years.
I feel we have fostered really positive parenting, loads of cuddles, attention, love, conversation etc which we hoped would give him security. He's confident and independent in the day I feel, he's above average for his age at school. Yet come bedtime he is incredibly needy. He can't bear to be alone at night, sobs if I try and leave, kisses and cuddles me,telling me he loves me more than anything while clinging on. It frustrates me so much because he clearly has anxieties but I'm losing my temper after nearly two hours, he knows it and he clings more, I get to the point where I can't stand him all over me. I just want some adult time. He doesn't accept that, he asks if I've eaten, if I've fed the cats etc and says that means I can stay with him all night. I tell him its grown up time, Mummys don't go to bed as early as children. I've explained how sleep works, how important it is for us etc as he likes to understand things like that.
If I leave him he just gets straight up and follows me, even if he's been asleep for a few mins he senses me going and jumps up.
His routine isn't bad, quiet time playing or watching Sarah and duck at about 6.30, 7.30 upstairs, sometimes shower / bath teeth, loo, into bed, couple of stories then its goes downhill. He gets excitable, opposite of what he should do, then he starts a chat, sometimes with important stuff so I can't stop it (a boy at school bit him for example) as it's clearly on his mind, then we cuddle and he likes an audiobook. I thought this was helpful but actually I think it stops him sleeping which is infuriating. Then the battle about me turning it off and he doesn't want to, then he gets her up because he can't fall asleep.
This is prob the worst it's been since the baby days, been like this for about 4 months now so not a short phase.
I really feel at a loss. Its affecting us as a family so much. I want to enjoy bedtime but I dread it.
We do have stress in our lives, my mum is terminally ill. She's been very I'll for a couple of years. Obviously this affects me, as much as I try to act normal for my son he must pick up on how sad I am (not every second of every day) my fuse is shorter for sure but I still give him so much attention and love. I do feel this is a reaction to my issues which makes me feel awful. Things aren't exactly as I hoped life would be but I hoped so long as he knows he's loved and has plenty of cuddles it would be enough to keep him content.
We just can't go on like this. I thought about speaking to a sleep specialist for help. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. It makes me feel I've failed as a mum. Literally every other mum I am friends with read a story and tuck the children in and are back downstairs by 7.30pm. I feel massively isolated with this.