Major sleep issues 14 week old - please help!

[Ellie1995]

I have a 14 week little girl and we are having terrible sleep issues.

Bit of background - she was born at term, straightforward birth, exclusively breastfed + gaining weight well, meeting all her milestones but has always been quite an unsettled baby

For roughly a month we have been having these sleep issues - up until then she would happily sleep in our arms for most of the day. She now seems to be fighting sleep massively.

Most nights she has very little sleep. We have a bedtime routine at 8pm of bath/sleep bag on/feed/cuddle. She goes down in our bedroom which is dark in a next to me crib. It can take 2 hours to settle her, we then usually have an initial stretch of 2/3 hours sleep followed by her waking every 30-60 mins for the rest of the night. When she wakes she is very difficult to settle, she is not normally upset but is active and hyper - eyes wide open and farting around, kicking and punching. I won’t always feed her when she wakes, only if she seems hungry which is perhaps twice per night.
Every now and then she has an amazing night and only wakes once/twice - one night she even slept through so I know she is able to do it but it just seems there is something stopping her the majority of the time. I can’t think of anything that we do different when she sleeps well.

During the day we are constantly fighting for naps, I have tried everything - sling, pram, rocking/cuddling to sleep, feeding to sleep, the car. It can literally take hours to get her to drift off and often then the nap will only last 20-30 minutes (can be a bit longer if we hold her). I try to take her up for at least one decent nap in the crib upstairs each day and this sometimes helps slightly.

By the end of the day she looks totally exhausted, and will hysterically cry from around 5/6pm until bedtime. She has red eyes, rubs her eyes, yawns - displays all signs of tiredness but there is nothing we can do to help her or get her to sleep.

Thank you so much for reading and I would love any advice/suggestions. I don’t want my little girl to be unhappy and me and my husband are stressed and exhausted.

I’m afraid that sounds pretty normal for a 14 week old baby. You say you don’t feed her unless she seems hungry at night - what are her cues? Tbh I’d just feed her every time she wakes at night, if she’s breastfed. One of the advantages is you don’t have to muck around with bottles so you can just stick her on the boob.

Really appreciate your reply, is this really typical of a baby of her age? She can get through a 24 hour period with only around 10-12 hours sleep. Other people I know with babies of a very similar age have grown out of the evening crying and can take a while but not hours to settle!

We have the same baby! 12 hours sleep in 24 no matter what effort I put in, hours to settle in the evening with a good couple of hours crying/screaming, takes forever to nap and does 30-45 minutes, has the red eyes/yawns/eye rubs – but even if I swoop in much earlier, at the first sign of glazed eyes, won't settle to sleep, it's like she has to exhaust herself into sleep.

However I feed her at every night time wake up - path of least resistance! It gets her back to sleep quickly and therefore gets me back to sleep quickly. And I'm practising feeding lying down so then neither of us has to wake massively.

At about 18 weeks my baby started bed earlier, but previous to that he used to settle about 10pm, and it’s gradually got earlier to about 8.

I think 2!hours of settling means they aren’t tired enough and both parties get frustrated which is adding to it.

I thought having a baby in our arms while watching 9.30 pm tele felt wrong !

Then it got earlier and even if he sleeps from 9.30 that’s not too bad for us at 6 months, he just wakes at 5 for a feed, back to sleep at 7-10.

It will adjust naturally

It’s really hard work at that age OP I remember it well. My DD went through a longgggg (starting early...) 4 month regression where she woke every 40 mins after an initial decent stint and it killed me. All I can say is do what you’re doing (good routine) and wait it out things will improve. DD didn’t sleep through until well after 18 months but the move from your routine to one bottle a night was a dream in comparison. Things will get better!

Also wanted to ask how often does she feed ?

Burritofan- it’s such hard work isn’t it! Sounds like our babies are really similar. I’m going to try feeding each time she wakes at night and hope it helps. Out of interest, has your baby had any problems with wind or reflux? I still wonder whether this might be a factor for my little girl.

Rachel - it’s hard because she is without a doubt tired when we start bedtime routine at 8 and won’t settle for a sleep downstairs at that time either. I do think if she napped better in the day her natural bedtime would be later though. Feeding wise she is every 2-3 hours in the day and then roughly twice in the night.

Napqueen - thank you, a reminder that it won’t last forever is great!

Yes, she's the windiest baby ever. Suspect reflux too; she does posset but sometimes we see her swallow something back down. Doesn't seem to bother her in the day. She has a posterior tongue tie that we're trying to get sorted, hoping that will help with wind, and I've given up dairy to try to help with grim nappies.

Burritofan, I'm not stalking you, honestly. But I am struck by the similarities between our babies. I have also been off dairy for about 10 weeks but not convinced it's made any difference.

He was also on ranitidine for possible reflux but I basically forgot to give it after a while and realised I noticed no difference without it.

I've been recommended to give up egg and wheat but not sure I can face it.

I actually managed to get DS in the cot this morning but two huge farts at 30 mins woke him. If it's not a fart it's a burp. He is so windy.

Out of interest, do you have a fast letdown or oversupply?

@Ellie1995 gosh I could have written this post when my DD was that age!

It feels like you do everything you can but nothing it works! My DD didn't really start having longer naps till about 7/8 months old. I remember the 30 min cap naps she used to take and I would have what I called the "30 minutes of bliss" ... cup of tea, biscuits..feet up... trashy magazine...

Trust me when I say it gets easier! Hang in there you are doing an awesome job.

I'm still breastfeeding my DD at 12 months and what I found was feeding to sleep if hey woke at any point in the night. Settled her really quickly and quietly and she sleeps really well. Try it. I've not created any bad habits at all. Good luck

My baby is pretty much the same age and we have exactly the same story! I think it's the heat making him miserable, hopefully it will pass soon

@SecondTimer2019 I do have both fast letdown and oversupply. Should I check behind my sofa, are you spying on me?!

I'm in two minds about the dairy thing but it gives me some semblance of control.

Thank you so much everyone for your supportive replies. It helps just to know that is isn’t only my little girl that is like this! Everyone at the baby groups we go to seem to have good sleepers.

I do wonder whether some mild digestive problems are part of it eg reflux or wind, but I don’t think it’s anything serious enough to treat.

I will definitely try feeding her back to sleep at night. Fingers crossed this phase passes before long!

I remember this well. This too will pass. I tried everything.... Everything. And in the end i gave up, fed lying down and fed each time ds woke. It meant that some sleep happened. Some nights I wouldnt be able to count the number of feeds, but at least some sleep happened. But beware the hip and back ache that comes from feeding like this. The joys.

Maybe a dummy to help her drift off for nap times?

Everyone at the baby groups we go to seem to have good sleepers

I remember this only too well! Thank god for mumsnet 😂While all my friends babies were waking maybe twice a night, we'd be up 10 times every night.... and that lasted from day 1 in the hospital to 9 months! It will pass, and will improve i promise!

Both my boys were like this at that age. I just fed, changed nappy and they went back to sleep. Their cycle is short at that age too.