3 month old only naps in sling

[SecondTimer2019]

I know this is an age-old problem but it's really starting to get me down. I've never been able to put my DS down for naps. I try every day and fail. He only naps in the sling and I can't even sit down. Even perching on the sofa arm wakes him and it's starting to make me really resentful. As well as exhausted, obviously.

The only time I can put him down is for the first sleep of the night. After about 3am one of us has to get up to put him in the sling because he won't go back down, even though we try every night to let him 'practise'.

I persevere every single day with zero progress. I just want to vent really. I feel bad for feeling angry towards such a tiny person. He has a bit of reflux but it really doesn't seem to bother him. He just can't stay asleep without movement or a nipple in his mouth.

Someone please give me some sympathy. I just want to sit doooooown.

Currently bouncing my 3 month old in the sling for the 100th time. Solidarity! All I can say is keep persevering! It's good he manages the first sleep of the night without it, it shows he'll get there. (Jealous your first sleep lasts til 3am!)

Could you try pram naps as a halfway house between movement and being put down? Could you sit on sofa but keep swaying and gradually reduce the swaying?

I've never put DD down for a nap awake; it's all bounce or feed to sleep then stealth manoeuvre onto the bed/sofa/playmat. She'll only do 20 mins that way, 46 in the sling.

Well, he wakes at 3am about 50% of the time but is very noisy. Otherwise he wakes at 11.30ish and it's anyone's guess as to whether he will be put back down!

I haven't had much success with the pram but maybe I should try it again to get him used to being horizontal.

I've been trying to gradually move less in the sling but he always wakes. He never seems to get into a deep sleep even in the sling. Constantly stirs.

Thanks for the solidarity. Hope it improves for you soon too. Fingers crossed x

My DD refused to nap anywhere other than being held by me after being bounced on a yoga ball for up to 45 minutes at a time for the first year of her life. It sucked. But I persevered with trying to get her to nap once a day in her cot and eventually it just worked - she now naps for up to 3 hours in her cot and goes down perfectly happy and wide awake. You'll get there, I promise! The fact that he sleeps in his cot at night shows he can do it. I would focus on getting him to resettle in his cot after he wakes in the night and then move on to naps.

Thanks peachgreen. I don't think there's much point working on naps until he can go back down after night feeds. But we try this every night and we've only had one night in 3 months when he's been horizontal the whole night. Even bringing him into bed with us doesn't work. Even letting him sleep in my arms doesn't work! His sleep seems to be so delicate.

I suppose we will get there eventually. It's just so exhausting and back breaking.

Pram naps have been hit or miss for us; have to be well-burped, clean, fed, get the sleepy window just right, on a full moon, Jupiter rising, after the solstice, wheeled anti-clockwise around the park… White noise on my phone – same as I use for naps at home – helps. And I keep the sling in the bottom of the pram for emergencies! But it sounds like your DS might not be ready yet. Sorry. It's all so hard.

Thanks burritofan. You gave me a laugh if nothing else!

Up until about 4 weeks I could rock him to sleep in the pram in the house. But that eventually stopped working. I find it hard to get up the courage to try different tactics because they never work and then I feel despondent that I've ruined what could have been a successful nap in the sling.

It is SO hard. Thank god for slings though or I'd be really really stuck. And he does tend to fall asleep quickly in it.

Hoping the stars align for your naps again soon.

Oh God I remember it so well, you're just so desperate for them to nap and you haven't got the energy to try new things. I'd try and make peace with naps for now and just do whatever you need to (and can cope with). Mine would stay asleep when I sat down so long as I bounced her every time she so much as stirred. Then she'd get into a deeper sleep and I could be still for a while. It wasn't perfect but it was enough of a break that I could live with.

For night feeds - is the room completely dark? Do you use white noise? It's still a bit young to do any sleep training but you could research a method you're comfortable with so that when he reaches the right age you'll have a plan - and in the meantime he could suddenly grow out of it! That's what happened with my daughter, she needed a lot of help to get to sleep at night and then suddenly one day she just stopped and went down awake. But I found it reassuring to know I had a plan in case she didn't (we would have done the No Cry Sleep Solution I think). Also most babies sleep better once they're moved to their own room, so there is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise!

Have you tried a bouncy chair? Saved my sanity with DD1! Had to bounce it with my foot - she was having none of the automatic vibrate setting - but it worked. It's a bit more upright than pram, but they still get the movement. Once asleep (deeply - don't ease off too soon!) there is the potential to sneak away.

....Then you'll be back here when he starts nursery going "how do I tell them he will ONLY nap in the bouncy chair?!" Just to forewarn you!

I've got him to sleep s couple of times in his bouncy chair but not for long. I think I need to try it in a dark room. He tends to startle himself awake though.

The not wanting to be horizontal might be silent reflux. Perhaps worth talking to your GP.

Currently in the same boat with my 3 month old. If I feed her to sleep I can put her down in her bouncer but she’ll only nap for 30ish mins. I’ve been trying to do that once a day to get her used to it.

The only advice I’ve got is if you are trying something new do it for the first nap of the day then if it all goes wrong you’ve got the rest of the day to catch up before bedtime

The only advice I’ve got is if you are trying something new do it for the first nap of the day then if it all goes wrong you’ve got the rest of the day to catch up before bedtime
Oh god please tell that to my DP. I caught him the other night experimenting to see if DD would self settle with a bit of shushing/ignoring on the playmat for her last pre-bed catnap – the one that gives her the energy to actually settle to bed instead of melting down – when he knows full well that at that point in the evening, only Riverdancing down the corridor with her on a shoulder works and sometimes not even then.

Yes, good advice.

In desperation a few weeks ago I hired a maternity nurse for 24 hrs in the hope she would show me some ways to settle him. I wanted to see someone else try to find out if I was missing something obvious.

She just put him down ,(this was in the afternoon) and left him to cry. I went with it, thinking maybe it was worth a shot, but it was horrible. He cried for 30 mins, fell asleep for 10 and woke crying. I thought it was so odd that you would expect a baby who has never shown any signs of self settling to suddenly know that they are supposed to just go to sleep. I think for my DS sleep is something that happens to him and I expect it will be that way for a while.

I'd still like to be able to put him down once I've helped him get to sleep though

Hi there, just wanted to say we had almost exactly the same issue but it did get better I promise! Our baby would only ever feed to sleep or be rocked to sleep at night ( the latter took hours so was only deployed in utter emergencies when she refused more boob). Naps were all in the sling, anything else resulted in incessant screaming- and I mean incessant. The tears I shed over this! Was so stressed, especially as I had to go back to work at 6 months and didn't feel I could ask grandparents to cart her about in the sling for hours. Then the 4 month sleep regression happened and her sleep got even worse, hurray! We tried a sleep consultant in desperation but like you said it was just crying it out despite her protestations to the contrary - I'm ashamed to say we left her to cry for an hour and a half as we were told it was the only way, and going in would undo the 'benefit' of what she'd 'learned'. She eventually exhausted herself but woke up after half an hour with no voice and her face completely swollen:( anyway, we told the 'sleep consultant' where to go at that point and you know what? A couple of weeks later (so she would have been about 5 and a half months) she simply wouldn't tolerate being rocked to sleep any more (hours of screaming) so we tried just putting her in the cot - straight out! It wasn't all plain sailing after that (we did sometimes have to let her cry but would always go back in in around 45 secs if she was very distressed (which was very unusual) up to around 2 mins if she was just 'meeping' (her 'I'd take a cuddle if one was available but I'm not sad and might actually still manage to go to sleep on my own' noise.) But it was SO much better. I genuinely think she just reached a developmental level where she was ready to sleep in the cot (and actually found it over-stimulating being rocked- I would have preferred to keep using the sling/rocking if I hadn't had to go back to work and if she still responded to those, but they started causing more prolonged distress than the cot sleeps) and I wish I had stressed less about it and just gone with the sling until she decided she didn't want it anymore! She did only sleep for 30 mins in the cot to start with for naps but these gradually extended and now she does as long as she did in the sling. Sorry for the mammoth essay and everyone's experience is different, but just wanted to reassure you it did just get better for us with time so try not to worry and just enjoy the cuddles and looking down at that sleepy face! Great piece of advice I read - do what works- if it stops working, do something else. I think it's good to keep offering the cot so you know if/when they are ready, but you're doing that- basically I think you're doing everything right. Hope that helps.

Oh and all of the things helped for us - blackout blinds, sleepyhead, myhummy for white noise. Spent a fortune on sleep aids but worth every penny!

My dc2 was the same so you have my sympathies. Will he feed to sleep? I could sometimes get away with feeding him to sleep on a bed then sneaking off when he was fast asleep.

Thanks Jennyz123, I thought I've actually kind of made my peace with the sling. Although it's tiring it's less stressful than trying to get him in the cot.

I think I'll try to persist getting him in the cot for the first nap of the day but not sweat it if it doesn't work.

I remember the sleep regression well from my first DS and if the sling gets him some decent naps during that time it may turn out to be my friend.

I keep reminding myself that he WILL grow up and learn how to sleep, just like my first did (although he didn't sleep through properly until 19 months!).

Thanks espy for the reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. I don't think there's much more I could do to help him get the sleep he needs, so how could that be wrong?

Hi Kittywampus. Thankfully he feeds to sleep at bedtime but it doesn't seem to work during the day. More's the pity. I think partly because I have a fast flow so it's not particularly relaxing for him and he always needs to be burped. But hopefully that will get better as he gets bigger.

Thought I would update my experience as I always hate it when I find a post that describes my problem to a T but never find out how it ended!

Well, this hasn't ended but there have been some minor improvements. I can now bounce my 16 week old to sleep on my shoulder and get him into the cot for a nap at the first attempt (only working on first nap of the day atm). However, he always wakes after 30 mins (I'm guessing a sleep cycle) and has to be picked up and bounced back to sleep, usually at least twice, before falling into a deeper sleep. This is exactly the same in the sling. He stirs frequently and I have to jiggle up and down to get him to stay asleep.

It's now 1hr20m since I first got him to sleep this morning. I've had to resettle 4 times but he's still in the cot.

Really hoping if I persevere he will get used to the cot and start to join cycles, although I'm aware the sleep regression is looming.

Nights are not much different. Fairly easy to get him down initially and a good first sleep but struggle to get him back to sleep after a feed. I should probably try bouncing him in the night but I just don't have the patience!

@SecondTimer2019

I could've written this post word for word! My back is so sore from all the sling carrying. Thank you for the update.

I struggle to know what to do with my oldest whilst I'm trying to put the baby down so resort back to the sling.

@orangesandlemmens I also have an older child (2.5). Luckily he is in nursery 4 days a week and my husband is doesn't work the 5th day. But soon he will drop to 3 days and I will have them both one day a week. At that point I'm going to have to use the sling for all naps. Not looking forward to it, especially as oldest is full of tantrums and potty training.

I really don't know how you do it with both. Well done!

My first dc was like this. Only the first sleep of the night was on her own and not even that initially. A yoga/birthing/gym ball was my friend when at home. I could have her in the sling and gently bounce on it. I was at least sitting down but the movement kept her happy. But I remember how frustrating it is. Friends would suggest meeting for coffee and sit together while their babies slept in prams and I had to stay standing up all the time. My dd got better around 4 months I think and did start napping just like most babies. I co slept with her at night once she wouldn’t got back in her basket, but that too stretched out until she was in the basket all night (albeit with lots of feeds in between!).

I'm definitely going to get my gym ball back out. That's a great idea!

I thought I’d post this in case anyone else is in the same boat

As soon as DD was out the newborn stage she would only fall asleep during the day in her sling or on one of her parents. After talking to other parents whose babies were self settling I got really stressed and felt like I was doing something wrong.

I embarked on about a week of trying to put her down drowsy and awake, rock her in her bouncer etc. The best we got as about a 40 min nap a day in her bouncer and tbh it took longer than that to get her to sleep. DD was overtired and miserable, I was stressed and miserable and my husband was worried because I was sending him stressed out texts.

So I gave up and thought we’ll carry on doing what works, till is doesn’t then I’ll do something else. We went back to decent length sling naps that didn’t take ages to get her to sleep and napping on me.

Fast forward a few weeks and we tried her in the pram again. She napped 3 times in her pram on the first day and this morning she’s fallen asleep in her swing while I was showering!

She’s obviously now reached a point that she’s happy to nap without being in contact with us. I’m so happy I didn’t carry on trying to force it and making everyone miserable.

Just looking forward to when she’s ready to sleep through the night now 😊

Quick additional thought- we’ve figured out that we def need to put her in the pram at least 10 mins before she’s due a nap or she won’t fall asleep and it’s back in the sling