Sleep training a toddler

[Spainintherain]

For ten months now my daughter who is 2 years 8 months has been waking in night. For months my husband would carry her into. Our bed to go back to sleep which we know was a mistake. We got a sleep trainer a few months ago who's approach was the disappearing chair and a sticker reward chart with little presents every time she slept though the night. It hasn't worked and we have given it so long. She just cries for daddy in the night and until she gets back to sleep. We have a four month old and are shattered.

Please tell me how you cracked it? I want to try gentle controlled crying and would like to know how that would work as she can get out of bed and stands at stair gate at her door crying til he gets her. Any advice at all would be appreciated! Thank you very much!

Bump?

It's not gonna happen!

Sorry I have no advice for you as I’m a first time mum of a 9.5 month old who can’t self-settle! I didn’t want you to feel ignored though! My friends have had children who haven’t been sleeping through and they have employed sleep consultants. Check out the threads here for some suggestions. The right woman can apparently work miracles in this situation. Good luck!

Oh that’s shit no replies! Don’t despair!! My DD1 was similar and slept terribly the whole time but did improve a few months after DD2 arrived. It kind of happened by accident, there were a couple times she fell asleep by herself when we used to lie with her, because I was alone with both and had to deal with baby. So then we knew she could do it so started to insist. We just started being stricter and consistent about what we expected- bringing her back to bed if she came out at bedtime and during night, cuddle to calm, tuck in, leave. And repeat. She did quickly stop bothering when she realised we meant it. We couldn’t really believe it and I didn’t understand why we hadn’t done it sooner really.

And I’m now having lots of success with a book ‘the baby sleep solution’ by Lucy Wolfe, for my youngest, but she’s got a plan for older kids. Gradual withdrawal like your woman recommended but not on the chair, may be worth a read?

Ps DD1 was about 3 when things changed.

Probably not what you want to hear, but we ended up with two futons on the floor and our kids boomeranged in and out of their own beds for years, but they eventually went! I realise this isn't for everybody, but we all slept like logs.
Could you move her bed, or a mattress into your room, for a while? She may be be unsettled due to having a new baby in the family and need the security of being closer to you.
I hope it works out for you.

Why is she crying for Daddy rather than for you? Is it because she knows he's a soft touch who'll give in and bring her to your room? If so you be the one to go to her. You can comfort her while having the emotional strength to insist she stay in her room. Talk to your OH first about how is on no account to undermine you. When she cries and calls out, go in give her a quick cuddle, tuck her up, set an audiobook going (a very, very simple one - Kipper maybe) and sit on the floor near her but without looking or talking to her. If she continues to cry try putting a hand on her and shhhing briefly at expanding intervals, but don't end up getting into a dialogue. Wait with her like this until she's calm/falling asleep but not actually asleep, then kiss her goodnight, tell her you'll see her in the morning and leave the room. If she shouts/cries/comes after you return her gently but without speaking and sit down again, but this time nearer the door. Repeat as necessary but every time that she gets out of bed/kicks off again after you've left the room sit a bit nearer the door until eventually you're not in her room at all. If you're consistent she'll learn that the more she creates the further away you get, so it's better just to accept the initial comforting. She'll realise that you're not going to bring her in with you so there's no point in screaming for it.

Make sure her bedroom is a positive place to be, with a comforting night light. Maybe invest in a 'princess curtain', bed linen she's chosen herself or a new special teddy (maybe build a bear or similar) who lives in her bed.

My ds2 still ends up in our beds when he is feeling anxious and he is 11yrs! However when he was a toddler, if we had the energy, we would gently and silently take him back to his own bed and lie with him until he settled. One of us would often wake up a few hours later after falling asleep in his bed. We often laugh and say we should have bought a gigantic bed as there have been times when all 3ds would end up in our bed. Then the musical beds would start and one of us would sleep in ds3's bed. My theory is that they will grow out of it soon enough- too soon looking at our eldest teenager!

Thank you all. I think we are just so exhausted with the new born that we want a quick solution with her!

Have you tried a gro clock? This works with DS (now2.5, but started it at 18months) when he wakes around 5am, and he will usually go back to sleep until the ‘sun comes up’?

Not sure about midnight wakings though - we get those too and he is very quick to get back off to sleep. But like a few of my friends, I’m tempted to put a small mattress on our floor for him to crawl into :)

We have a light programmed to switch off when it's morning. She ignores it though.

We cosleep with whichever kid needs it that night 🤷‍♀️ I don't have a problem with kids in our bed. I figure, I don't like to sleep alone so why am I expecting my children to if they need comfort? Generally they all sleep through most nights. It's what gets us all the most sleep.

We were doing that but found it made her sleep worse??? I think I will just try all your advice and see what ever works