Be gentle.. this is probably my fault for being too soft for a while for an easy life, but by 20 month old won't go to sleep - nap or bedtime - by herself. She wants to be held to sleep since she got quite ill a while ago and then was teething and on holiday with extended family, so that is what I did. She just won't settle down by herself and gets a bit manic trying to stay up. Her dad and I give her quiet attention before bed and really do make sure she gets a lot of love. I have a nanny with her own child three days a week and she settles for a nap easily - put down, walk out and done. She used to do this with us. Suspect it is because she knows the other little girl is sleeping, whereas she feels she is missing out when her parents stay up. I feel bad, like I have created this anxiety in her somehow and I would really like to increase her confidence that she can do it herself. Staying in her room and doing gradual retreat does not work - she will not fall asleep by herself and takes it as a cue to try to play with us and attract attention, even if we are out of sight singing etc. Has anyone resolved this? Am thinking I have one of two choices - either let her cry and walk out or hold her to sleep and hope she is happy to go down sleepy and progressively less sleepy in time. But she is quite heavy now!! Is this just a phase?