toddler who suckles to sleep what if I’m not there, e.g. labour with #2

[libbyljames]

I’m a full time SAHM who has an 18 month old, we’re rarely apart for more than a couple of hours. She’s always suckled to sleep for naps and bed and is very attached to my boobs! We also bedshare so she pretty much has access to me all day and night. I’m absolutely fine with this and in no hurry to wean but we’re hoping to start trying for #2 and I’m just wondering what other people have done to make the likelihood of me being away for a night or two (she had a shoulder dystocia -so can’t have a home birth) easier on her - particularly getting to sleep! Looking for gentle suggests if possible. Thanks

Well I would have thought it was obvious! You need to wean her off you and start to help her to self-settle, surely?

But you have to be really careful that this doesn't result in her feeling like she's being pushed aside for baby number 2, so I'd be aiming to do it sooner rather than later, and not leaving it until the baby is born.

As to how you do it, I don't know - both mine were sleeping on their own, through the night, after self-settling from the age of around 4-5 months so I never had to deal with this.

Good luck though!

Dd self weaned when I was pregnant. It's quite common for your milk to change taste and consistency ready for the new baby

Would be good to get her to start cutting down sooner so it's not a big shock

Have you tried don't refuse but don't offer?

If you got got pregnant today then she'd be almost two and a half by the time this comes up so I wouldn't worry at all.
I've just had my third and both of my older two naturally stopped during my pregnancies because the taste changed. I also developed nursing aversion which can happen in pregnancy but isn't guaranteed.
Plenty tandem feed a baby and a toddler though if that's what works for you.
As for being apart, mine were fine without me even though I'd worried myself a lot. They just got treated to a fun evening with grandparents and in the morning the new baby had sent them each a gift to open 😏.
I would just not worry, it all has a way of working out.
Good luck!

You reduce her need to suckle all night. That’s not sustainable although she won’t be doing it forever

Try gradually withdrawing - I found BF when breastfeeding pretty awful anyway and that brought things to a natural close.

Also your partner should be trying to settle her - you are best leaving the house for this - that will also reassure you that yes she can sleep without boob!

I think you've got plenty of time - don't worry about it too much just yet. I thought you were due to have a baby any day now from the title.

I have found that, when you're ready to, getting DH to put little one to bed and sorting any night time wake ups is the best thing to do. Will be hard at first but honestly it only takes a few nights before they get used to the new routine of not being fed

I just read you bedshare. In order to stop the feeding I think she'd have to go in her own bed. Also much better to do this long before a new baby arrives so that the two aren't associated

You need to slow down BF with her sooner rather than later so that she doesn't feel the baby is the cause of BF stopping.

She doesn't need to suck to sleep anymore and certainly not all night. Get dh on board and go out for an evening.

You have at least 9 months so a lot can change in that time. Slowly start changing things if you want so it's not a huge adjustment. Maybe take her out in the buggy for naptimes over the summer as a starting point. But if you're happy to continue to feed then continue and deal with it once you know what timescales you're working with.
Do you ever go out in the evenings and have someone else (your DP?) put her to sleep? If you're there she'll just cry for you but if you're out (having a well deserved night out!) she'll maybe find other ways to settle.
It's really up to you though, don't feel forced to wean if you're not ready. My DSil ended up not being able to wean her 2yo before her babys arrival so planned to tandem feed. A couple of nights with granny when she was in labour and hey presto she was weaned and no harm done.

My first breastfed throughout my second pregnancy. She was 19 months when baby 2 was born & still BF to sleep at night. She was/is what I would describe as a "high needs" child. I was worried how she would cope. She spent 2 nights away from me when I was in hospital and went to sleep for her aunty the first night, her dad the second with a bit of shhh/patting bum in cot without any tears apparently. When I got back she never looked for breast again. Which was surprisingly hard on me and multiplied the newborn hormone craziness I think. But was nice in that it wasn't forced upon her. Yours will be fine. Kids are more adaptable/resilient than we think.

We bed share with our 2.5 year old and when he was about 2 I just stopped letting him suckle and after a couple of nights he was fine with it and we haven’t had to stop bed sharing. If you got pregnant today, it’d still be 9 months and you may find that your daughter self weans before then anyway

9 months is ages! She’ll be completely different at 2.5. I’ve just night weaned mine (she’ll be 3 in September), and it was astonishingly easy! If you do opt for nightweaning, can I thoroughly recommend reading stories about it? My DD really loved Sally Weane from Night Nursing (which we read daily for 2 weeks before we started), and we also read Nursies when the sun shines.

You would probably be surprised how she copes when you are not there, it would be harder for her if you started refusing bedtime feeds but often when bf babies know mum isn’t there they just get on with it and are happy when you return.

There’s a few pretty judgy responses here about her ‘not needing’ to feed to sleep or at night - this is fine with OP and how she chooses to parent, nothing wrong with what you are doing if you are happy with it.

I had a similar set up to you with my first and she was just 2 when I got pregnant. By then she had stopped feeding to sleep by herself, it had stopped working for her so we started doing last feed before bf routine. Then that feed naturally dropped and by time I was pregnant, we were only doing morning feeds and those occasionally would be missed if she was focused on other things. Then like pp have experienced, my milk changed/ seemed to dry up when I was around 12 weeks. It was a really gentle natural self weaning process, and 6m later when baby arrived, DD1 couldn’t remember having breastfed! Which really shocked me.

Like others have said, 9m is a long time and she will change a lot between now and 2.5. I’d say to put your mind at rest though, have a go one night at going out and letting DH do bedtime, you may be surprised. I know that probably feels like a terrifying thought, but if you do this a few times before getting pregnant, you’ll have an idea of how she’ll respond and how you’d need to prepare before baby.