Am I creating problems by cuddling to sleep

[kbaby]

DD is 16 weeks and will only go to sleep if cuddled. Once she falls asleep I can then put her in her cot but only at night. I have friends whose babies are put in the cot drowsy and will just fall asleep on their own. I have tried this with DD but she gets hysterical.
Does anyone have any advice or any reasuring stories that i'm not nessesarily creating a sleep problem. Im worried that if I continue with this way ill end up with a dd who needs cuddling throughout the night at each waking.

How does she sleep for the rest of the night kbaby? And how does she go to sleep in the daytime?

Against almost every piece of advice given about 'creating sleep problems' I breastfed dd to sleep every night until she was a year old. I always worried I would cause a 'problem' (though that didn't make me give it up, I loved it ) but dd slept through the night and rarely woke unless ill. And she would, by about 8 months, go down for her naps awake but drowsy. After 12 months I still b/f her at bedtime but she didn't fall asleep while feeding and went to sleep fine. And after 18 months I didn't feed her any more at night and got into a bedtime story routine and she went down awake and went to sleep alone. She's had, like I think all kids, glitches in going to sleep day and night and we've had to do cc with her once or twice but for very short times. I really truly don't think my b/f her to sleep caused any problems whatsoever.

Enjoy your cuddles!!

kbaby my sis's hv advised expressing breast milk onto a toy as a comforter, other things you can do are putting on some music (although that can be a pain when you go on hols), or just stroking forehead for a while to sooth??
Best of luck

DS is 10 months next week and until he was at least 6 months needed feeding/cuddling to sleep.

From about that time onwards things started changing - nothing specifically I did but now he almost always goes to bed awake

He also sleeps 12 hours a night and has done since he was about 7.5 months or so.

So no, I don't think you're creating a sleep problem. (and also, I was reading the May babies thread when I was at work and nearly giggled out loud )

16 weeks is still pretty young so if you are both happy that way then I'd try not to worry about it- after all, it sounds a pretty nice way to spend some time with your little one. ds2 was very like that and is now 6 months old and I've just started trying to get him to go to sleep during the day cuddling his blanket not me - it works on and off - when I tried when he was younger he just went ballistic every time so you might find as your dd gets just a little bit older that she gets better at it
a couple of things I've found useful this time round for sleep training: get a substitute mummy (teddy bear, blanket etc), play music in background, have a couple of cot toys for her to play with before falling asleep (or screeching)
with ds 1 I never bothered but just carried him round most of the time and cuddled him to sleep. We were both pretty happy with that as I didn't have much else to do anyway. He hasn't turned out to be a fantastic sleeper though.
Go with your instincts is my only real advice I guess, your friends babies might just have very different personalities to your baby or they might tolerate (or have tolerated in the past)more screeching before their baby falls asleep

Actually I forgot, DS does have Boris who is his favourite bear. Probably needs washing as he is smelling a bit of milk but DS loves him

I personally wouldn;t worry too much about cuddling your child. I think as a whole we worry too much about leaving a babyto cry/cuddling too much/are we stimulating them enough/are they walking too late/talking too late etc. I know its easy for me to say as mine are 8 & 11 so past all that but if you can't cuddle your baby - who can? it won't last forever. My dd used to sleep in her cot no problem in the day but at night she did find it harder to settle. She goes to bed now absolutely fine

Prefernot, During the day I have to cuddle her to sleep and then put her in the cot where shell sleep for max 45 mins. If we are out she sleeps in the car seat or pram etc. Some nights like tonight it takes us a while to get her to go down as she will fall asleep but when we put her in the cot she wakes back up and cries until we hold her again, other nights we cuddle her and shell then stay in the cot asleep. During the night she wakes once or twice for a feed. occasionaly she wakes up and plays for a bit before going back to sleep other nights shell play and then cry until i cuddle her back to sleep. This prob happens twice a week.
Ive tried stroking her head, playing music or shhing but none of them work.

Have to say that your DD sounds so much like our DD was Kbaby. I remember chatting on your threads before - it's spooky how much similar she is. I remember trying to cuddle to sleep and trying not to wake her when putting her into the cot - we used to joke about the baby spirit level that was activated when I was within an inch of getting her into the cot!! I managed to get to about 6 months, although god knows how, and eventually after a phone call to crysis when I too was nearly crying I did controlled crying with her. It's all down to them learning how to fall asleep on their own without the aid of you. I think that the older she gets the more likely you are to exacerbate the problem if you continue as you are doing, so yes I feel that you are possibly creating a problem, although it is difficult to tell without actually knowing your child's traits. I have to say the controlled crying was difficult emotionally for me to do but it did work a treat and after that episode slept on her own like an angel. She still does at the age of 5 and is a pleasure to take up to bed. I really hope that you can make it through this time as I know how hard it can be. If you want to e-mail me you can do as I have a practical good sleep guide that I used that I could send to you if you would like it. Good luck

My DD was like that for what seemed like ages (it wasn't). She would be awake in the night for ages too and would only sleep if she fell asleep in my / DP's arms. Don't know how it happened, but she stopped needing that a while ago now and just goes to sleep on her own (she's 6 months). Don't worry about it and enjoy the cuddles!

I think it depends on the temperament of your baby and how much sleep you need yourself though doesn't it? Or do I overreact?! I have done exactly the same with DS as I did with DD and he sleeps fantastically (and cuddles for britain)!!

I had to laugh reading this, sorry, but it brought back nightmares I had with my two! They were opposites so maybe it does depend on their character whether you would create a problem or not.

My eldest would only sleep if breastfed to sleep - and used to wake up as soon as you tried to put him down and create havoc. My youngest would spit my nipple out and wriggle uncomfortably because he wanted to be put down to go to sleep on his own!

I did have problems with my eldest in that when he was 14 months he still wouldn't go to bed without being fed to sleep and if he awoke at night I had to feed/cuddle him back to sleep. He was really only happy if he fell asleep on my knee and I carried him up carefully! I ended up doing the controlled crying thing, simply because I was becoming so tired. I think your body only expects to be up at night for about the first nine months after they are born and its hard to handle after that. The controlled crying was awful but worked brilliantly and I've never looked back, til now!

I don't think you can do anything about it now though, even if you do think you might be storing up a problem for the future, as it is possibly down to the baby's personality. Enjoy the cuddling now and read up on the controlled crying method for later, maybe?

We used to cuddle DS1 to sleep when he was about this age. Loads of people said we were building up problems for ourselves but TBH the fact that he slept for 12 hours afterwards made us think it was an OK idea! he's 2y8m now and goes to sleep fine (most nights ) DS2 used to breastfeed to sleep unitl about 2 weeks ago, now I just put him in his cot and he goes to sleep too (12m)
Whatever works for you kbaby - and yours is only a tiny one still!

kbaby, your case is different then to me with my dd who although b/f to sleep by me, did then sleep on her own for the rest of the night. Still, I don't think I'd worry about 'habits' at this age unless you're totally exhausted with what's happening. But even then, in my opinion she's way too young to do anything like cc. 6 months is meant to be the youngest to do that but personally I wouldn't be able to do it until closer to a year as I'd be too worried that they don't completely understand why they're being left. If you want to understand a bit more about sleep associations have you read Richard Ferber's chapter 'what your child associates with falling asleep'? I'm always recommending it to people whether they're going to try cc or not, as I found it very helpful to understand why the sleep the way they do and how we can try to change it.

Is there an internet site that has the Ferber explaination you are talking about - I can't be bothered to go to the shops to read it - it's too cold outside!

I've just bought the 'No cry sleep method' book by Elizabeth Pantley. It's fab for any age baby and is flexible to allow for breas/bottle/dummy/co sleepers etc... It is very gentle and would take a couple of weeks but I can now get my 6 week old to go in her cot without a dummy. She needs it to go to sleep but using Elizabeth's methods it is very relaxed. It takes you through phases to get them to settle themselves and I will do this part later. She also says if you have off days just do what you would have done before and start again tommorow. I am very pleased with it so far. xx

I used to cuddle dd (3now) to sleep most night then i would hold her and sing to her as she got older i have never had a problem with her not going to bed or not settling as she got older, at 1yr she went to a big bed and she gets two books by dh then i go in sing bed time songs then she goes to sleep not a peep till 6AM. It makes them feel secure but it up to the individual

I agree with debra64 and some of the other comments - sometimes this can become problematic long-term, but don't worry about it now and you probably can't do anything about it at the moment anyway. I used to breastfeed dd to sleep with some success, as from 6 months she was sleeping 12 hours through. However, this didn't work from about 8 months as she went through an unsettled phase. We had to go through a few nights of crying - because the old routine didn't work any more. But after that it was fine and we introduced lots more books. I'd say you have plenty of time to introduce a good sleep routine gradually when you are both ready. Enjoy this phase, it's really nice.

Thanks everyone. Its strange at first I thought I had made her develop this habit but as DP reminded me the first night she was born I was up all night in the hospital with her as she cried each time I put her in the cot, so it cant be somthing ive done. Ive read the elizabeth patley book but didnt find it any help. It had good tips but nothing to help me wean her off cuddling. I have ordered Richard Ferber's book off the internet but am really dreading doing cc if thats what I have to do. I was hoping she may just grow out of being held. Its just a fight each night to get her to stay in her cot. Im laying her down as gently as I can and if her eyes pop open thats it I have to start all over again. Its quite a sight to see me try and tip toe out of her room without stepping on the squeeky floorboards.

kbaby I'm the same cuddle DD to sleep, very carefully put her in the crib, sometimes get away with it sometimes her eyes open the minute shes in there, she can sleep for 6 hours in it at night though

I breastfed all my babies to sleep at that age and cuddled them for hours. Loved to sit watching the telly with a baby tucked under my chin. DH enjoyed that part too. 16 weeks is still really young kbaby. Enjoy it while you can. I never had any sleep problems with my 4 babes. DS3 still woke at 8 months for a night feed where his brothers and sister didn't. They were all treated the same and they all slept through at different ages. You will probably find as she gets older you will be able to put her down for a sleep awake. I found I was able to do that when they had stopped some of their breastfeeds. Up until then I let them fall asleep on the breast then put them down.

Ahh! My dd was cuddled to death when she ws born and as a result (apparantly) she needed cuddling off to sleep sevral times a night until she was over a year old. So, yes you may create a problem but i really wouldnt worry about it at 16 weeks, although that was the time that i started getting ds to go to sleep on his own as i was not going to have the same carry on again! And it worked within a couple of nights, he got upset but eventually calmed down and fell asleep, with me sat in the room, then gradually edging my way out. Do what you feel comfortable with though.

kbaby, it's nothing you've done. All babies like to be cuddled, especially during the transition to sleep. Some like it more than others and yours might be one of those.

I do believe in cc but seriously wouldn't recommend it before 6 months, and personally not before a year old. I think it's too traumatic for a child to be left alone at night when they're not old enough to really understand why.

kbaby, it's nothing you've done. All babies like to be cuddled, especially during the transition to sleep. Some like it more than others and yours might be one of those.

I do believe in cc but seriously wouldn't recommend it before 6 months, and personally not before a year old. I think it's too traumatic for a child to be left alone at night when they're not old enough to really understand why.