5 week old (40+5 adjusted) stays awake for up to 5 hrs during day. Help

[HJ82]

My LO is a dream through the night but come 8-9am she's awake and wide eyed. I've tried soothing her and walking in pram etc but she gets overtired and won't sleep and then only stops screaming on boob. Pram walks help but I can leave the house at 9am and push her around between feeds all day!

Help!!

This is normal for early babies. First few weeks they just sleep, all the time, anywhere, because they’re supposed to be still inside. Then they hit due date and become like normal newborns who need holding and helping to sleep, and it’s a shock. DC1 and 2 were both born early and it happened just like this.

Don’t worry too much about bad habits. In due date terms she is a newborn. Her muscles are more developed yes, so is her digestive system but she is still a newborn for lots of purposes. The key things at this stage are enough milk and enough sleep. Everything else can wait. Honestly.

@Ullupullu no one told me I'd have a baby attached to my breast all day long! It seems very odd! She screams constantly unless on my boob. Not feeding. Just resting there. I am unable to do anything unless I just let her cry. Even when she's asleep, she wakes as soon as I sneak off. The first few weeks I fed her and put her down for a nap so I just thought that was normal and friends are telling me this isn't normal 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe my baby sucks due to reflux or some other tummy pain. Eventually my nipples will be too sore to keep up and then what? Not only will I not be able to "soothe" her with them but I'll not be able to feed her 😣

@minipie ok. Just feel like this isn't normal, thanks for the reassurance. I got used to the easy way of baby sleeping without being on me. I don't recall any of my friends babies doing this though. At what age do they grow out of it? I was enjoying our daily walks but now I'm too afraid to leave the house 😔

You don’t need to take a newborn to the park, OP. She needs your support and responsiveness to make the transition from womb to the world (as above - Google fourth trimester) - and for her that means she needs (needs - not wants, just like she needs feeding and nappy changes) to be held to know she’s safe enough to sleep as much as she needs. Some people have babies they can put down. You don’t, but it’s still very much within the spectrum of perfectly normal newborn baby behaviour. She’s waking up more to the world now and feeling less secure. That’s why she needs more support now than in her first month.

You cannot currently get her sleeping adequately any other way and she may well need that for some time to come, not because you’re creating those behaviours, or failing her in some way, or making ‘wrong decisions’ but because that is her own biological need. The skill to sleep independently is developmental and, just like walking, different babies acquire it at very different ages. You wouldn’t perceive a baby not walking at nine months old as ‘a problem’ - they’re just not developmentally there yet. Don’t see a baby who can’t sleep independently as a newborn as ‘a problem’.

Why can’t you keep her on you while you’re visiting family? As far as she is concerned, she is simply an extension of you at this stage and fighting that is distressing to her. I used to tell visitors or family it was nap time and either cover up or decamp to another room. No, it’s not the pre-baby fantasy of your gurgling newborn being happily passed between all the members of your family, but as I said upthread, this is just the beginning of parenthood being absolutely nothing like you expected!

Trying the dummy as you already have is worth persisting with. You could swaddle her before a pre-nap feed, then when you try a cot transfer, lie her down very slowly starting with her feet and ending with her head to avoid a startle reflex which could wake her. Sometimes doing this into a side-lie, holding her there for about five minutes then easing her onto her back works.

But, hand on my heart, accepting what her needs are and meeting them exactly as she’s telling you, while trying to make the best of it yourself with snacks and trash telly (on iPad with earphones if TV disturbs her) will cause you far less angst/guilt/stress in the long term. Yes it’s boring, but it’s not forever.

OP, I know you said you tried the sling already and your baby didn't fancy it, but have you tried again since? My daughter thrashes about like a spawning salmon when first put in it, complains loudly every time, but a bit of dancing around and eventually she goes to sleep. Voila, I can put the washing on. Better yet: get your DP if you have one, or enlist a friend, to do the laundry/dishwasher/meals/food shop etc in the evening while you're feeding the baby or after you've gone to bed. Let the house look like a disaster for a bit. Get family to visit you, bring lunch, admire the back of DD's head as she feeds, and pop something in your freezer for a future dinner. You've got years to show off your baby to family.

It does take my DD longer to go to sleep, even in the sling, as the day wears on. You know how tired you get in the evening? Babies get progressively knackered too, so your baby will need more and more boob if that's her comfort of choice.

A sling means you can go to the park if you need to for your sanity, and I do agree that probably YOU need to get out of the house even if your DD doesn't.

As Elphalba said, there are some newborn babies who can be put down to nap and others who can’t. Both are normal. (I have to say, IME and from what I’ve read, early babies do tend to be on the more tricky end of normal, after they get past the very sleepy “should still be inside” phase... )

The thing is, this stage won’t last very long. In a few weeks things will be different. And then in another few weeks things will be different again. They and their needs change really quickly at this age, so the fact she needs to be glued to you now doesn’t mean you will be stuck like that for months. And at least you are getting sleep at night!

@ElphabaTheGreen it's just a shock as the first 5 weeks she fed and slept just fine and does so just fine at night. It's literally when the sun is out. I thought this new thing was unusual because of the sudden change. I just worried it was not normal. I wonder how Long it will last? I hope my nipples hold up!! I'll keep trying different dummies. Any suggestion on brands? Thanks for your advice, it's very helpful. I'm not super keen to visit family so they can wait. I was enjoying our walks to the park and back and HV and nurse encouraged this. After this passes I can go outside again I guess.

Thanks @minipie yes, she sleeps for 3-4hrs at night so I'm not tired, thankfully. And I'm happy to be cuddled up to her. She sometimes takes too much milk due to constantly being on boob and spits up and chokes and I feel bad about that. I'd much rather her take a dummy than that!

It is possible she has a bit of reflux and is using you as a soother (again reflux more common in early uns), but she may grow out of it very soon. Fingers crossed for you she does. Agree with persisting with dummy and sling!

@minipie she's on reflux medicine from the pedi. We thought she had it because of her arching her back and a few other things but the symptoms are the same as an overtired baby so I'm not so sure. But giving it to her just in case for now 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't recall any of my friends babies doing this though.

Not that you saw, anyway. Some may have also had Velcro babies like yours but hid it well for fear of being judged. You’re still very much of the belief that you can/should do the ‘right’ thing to make her independent. There are many people, especially older people, who think that being responsive to a baby’s needs shows a lack of skill as a parent and that you’re creating problems for yourself. It’s simply not the case. We know a lot more about baby attachment now than when babies used to be left at the bottom of the garden to scream to ‘teach’ them independence (otherwise known as learned helplessness).

At what age do they grow out of it?

Whenever they’re developmentally ready - it could be weeks old, it could be months old. Mine were happiest being fed and held or co-slept for naps until around a year old (it truly isn’t as far off as it feels, OP), but by that stage a walk in a sling, pram or drive in a car were also effective in getting them to sleep. I went back to work full time when they were eight months old and nursery were able to get them napping in a bouncer. They would never entertain this idea with me, though - if I was nearby, they’d only nap on me.

No one told me either, OP. But newborn babies are hard work. Keep at it. Do what works for now. You aren't creating bad habits!