3 week old velcro baby advice

[stellarfox]

Hello my baby is 3 weeks tomorrow and she's very much a velcro baby - she will rarely sleep anywhere other than our arms. In the 3 weeks we've had her I've managed to settle her in our bedside cot 5 times for an hour or so. I know she's really young/in her 4th trimester so it's fine for now but I was wondering how many times should I keep trying to put her in her bedside cot overnight? Our routine is I nurse her, wait for her to fall into what I think is a deep sleep and put her down but she's up within 5 minutes. She then cries and we start the cycle again. Should I just let her sleep on me or how many times would you try to put her down? Most of the time in the day I don't bother trying to put her down but I would really love some naps as at the moment my partner and I are doing shifts holding her

Hi, have you tried putting her down straight after a feed/wind? Maybe with your hand rest on/next to her so she feels your still there.

Three weeks, she barely knows she is here.

Cherish every moment.

The other thing I always suggest at night lay them in the crib with the t shirt you have been wearing all day, it has your scent and is familiar.

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Yes I've tried putting her down when awake too but that has never been successful so far. The times she has slept in the bedside crib I have had my hand on her stomach so that does seem to help. I just don't know whether she's ready and if I should keep trying or not as she's so young!

So tonight I've tried and failed twice to put her down and now shes sleeping on me. Shall I just keep her on me or do I keep trying? I don't want to keep disturbing her sleep!

Have you tried swaddling? This sounds just like my son (who is now nearly 5 months) The first time I swaddled him (at a week old) he slept much better and so I kept doing it (up until this week as he’s started rolling over now!) I used ‘swaddle me’ sleeping bags. Not all babies like it apparently but worked for us and sounds very similar situation. It takes away the Moro reflex and prevents startling/waking.

I had exactly this issue with my DS, who is now 11 weeks and sleeping 7-hour stretches in his bassinet. Look up safe co-sleeping and do what you need to do to get a few hours of sleep a night, for your sanity’s sake. I got some great advice on that on a thread I posted a few weeks ago.

And keep trying to put him in the bassinet when he’s at his sleepiest, right before his longest stretch at night. If it works, great! If not, back into your bed until tomorrow night (or you can try to move him when he’s properly asleep but that always runs the risk of waking him up, plus he may be confused and distressed when he wakes up somewhere different from where he fell asleep).

All this to say: it’s fine to be in “coping mode” the early days. You’ll get there. He won’t be 3 weeks forever. But it’s hard in the interim! :-)

@MilkLady02 Thanks I've heard this can really help but I can't seem to swaddle very well with a blanket, but she's in a love to dream swaddle now and we've also been using the grosnug swaddle - I've tried arms in and arms out on different nights but not noticed one as being effective! I guess these should do the same job as a swaddle blanket?

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers Thank you! I know this won't last forever and if we can get to a few hours sleep in a few weeks I'll feel like a new woman! I'd be happy even with a 2 hour nap here and there! I was thinking about co-sleeping, I'm just a bit nervous by it as I'm overly anxious about her safety! I got the snuzpod as I thought that would be a good mid point between cosleeping. Thankfully I'm surviving with help from my partner who will take her at 3.30/4 for 3-4 hours with expressed milk and formula if needs be which is amazing as I dont know I could cope without that!

That sounds tough OP! All I can say is hang in there, it gets easier!

That's some good advice there, hope it works, just posting in solidarity, our now 9 month old DS was the same, never slept anywhere but your arms, or in the wrap till we was about 3.5 months. He now goes down awake, in his own cot, own room and usually wakes once for a feed, then up at 6.45am. That seemed so impossible at one point, but this stage isn't forever I promise!

DD hated her crib, would never settle. We ended up co-sleeping despite saying never. Her two big brothers were totally different, settled in Moses basket/swinging crib from the beginning. Do whatever gets you som3 sleep and keeps everyone happy. At six months she went happily into a cot in her brother's room.

Thanks for the advice and solidarity at this time of the night :)

Thing you cant try: warming the crib with a hot water bottle first. (Take the hot water bottle out before putting the baby in)
Lining the crib with a t shirt you’ve worn, or wearing a muslin like a scarf then lining it with that, so it smells like you (whatever you yes
Needs to be tucked firmly under the mattress so there’s no loose fabric)
White noise
Putting them down and then patting, more firmly than you would think, on their chest in time to the rhythm of your heart - they’re used to being right next to it, so this really helps. Every time the baby gets restless, try the patting thing before picking them up.

We found DS would be up again within 15 minutes every sleep cycle except the last one, about 3:30am, when he seemed to do his deepest sleep of the night, and that was the easiest one to put him down on, and then his willingness to be put down gradually spread across the night to the other sleep cycles.

look at the Lullaby Trust safe co-sleeping guidance. My baby has been the same but once I started co sleeping he settled instantly by my side.

And buy a sling! Then you have a happy baby and 2 free hands
If you're BF you can feed in a sling too!

I remember this stage well, it is exhausting! Some people find this bit lovely, but in all honesty I hated it (sorry!) no amount of people telling me to make the most of it etc made it any better. I much prefer the crawling, toddling, tantrum ages!

What really helped us were:
Swaddling - we used a miracle blanket, which we got from amazon. It is quite tight and feels very snug. DD could never escape from this!
Sleepyhead- she was in the swaddle, resting in this
Dummy- this really soothed DD and didn’t affect BF
White noise - just played on my phone
Gently patting her chest - I did this rhythmically like a heartbeat, pretty much until she fell asleep

Wishing you all the best and hoping you get some sleep soon.

It will get better and they will start sleeping in the cot. With DD1 it was 6 weeks and DD2 it was 8 weeks. With both, I went to bed around six/seven in the evening and DH took the baby, and stayed in bed until midnight or so, waking only for feeds as bf. Then I would take over, and hopefully get a few catnaps through the night.

Just remember, 'this too shall pass'!

Mine is a vecro toddler now 😂 god help me ....but in a seriousness its ok i love his cuddles to bits.
Its really hard on you when theyre teeny tiny as you just worry about safer sleep. You could try
Swaddle
Tilted cot
Lay her in cot and keep your hand on her belly until deep sleep

Im not BF but my 2.5 week old was snapping awake everytime i put her down too.
She is starting to get so much better at staying down and I think its just because I still put her down everytime?
If she wakes ill wait 5 minutes or so or until shes getting aggitated then ill pick her up again and get her back to sleep, leave her asleep in my arms for 5-10mins and put her back again. I just repeat this until she stays asleep.
Ive ordered her a sleepyhead as I think her arms were causing her to wake up when I put her down. (I wont swaddle her as she sleeps with her arms up all the time and I dont want to ruin her favourite sleep position)
Really hope you find something that works for you!
Its hard mama but knowing it wont always be this hard at night gets me through x

Solidarity. This is how I ended up cosleeping!

My DD has been much better at settling now she is big enough for a baby sleeping bag (I think it’s based on weight) as she would kick off her blankets in her sleep. For her last feed before me and DP go to bed, I feed her in the sleeping bag, do a very gentle upright burp which she usually stays asleep for and then lay her down slowly, feet first and put the white noise on straight away with my hand on her chest or tummy as I lay her down. It’s like a military operation but it seems to work for us now!

Is your baby windy? Things got much better for us at night when I started using gripe water to settle her tummy. I tend to use it mainly during the day but it seems to have made nights more settled - could be coi

This is me 😂 my baby is 5 weeks old now and I've progressed to him being in his next to me cot from 11pm-2am then he co sleeps with me after that because he won't go back in his cot. This time will go so fast xx

Oops - my last sentence was meant to say could it be colic?

Also solidarity! My boy is now 15 months old but I remember feeling fairly irritated at guidelines re safe sleep. Chance would be a fine thing (lay your baby in the cot drowsy but awake.. etc). Also the ‘enjoy every minute’ advice. I did not enjoy every minute. It is not necessary to enjoy every minute!

Anyway what we ended up doing was getting really good at transferring sleeping babies. It also turned out that mine had reflux, which meant he never wanted to lie flat and swaddling was not his thing. We have ended up co-sleeping but not until a bit later. He was in co-sleeper cot for quite a while.

We would warm the intended sleep surface with a wheat bag.
I would stuff a muslin down my top/ under my arm and tuck that around that mattress before putting him down. This would be somewhat tricky with him on me, but possible.
We would leave him 20 mins post feed to drop into a deeper sleep (turns out this also helped with reflux)
When transferring I would try to keep him as level as possible and keep my hand on him once in cot!
White noise played on my phone, kept going in his cot.

He’s a fairly terrible sleeper though, so we were all about maximising sleep opportunities!

Most of these have already been mentioned but:

Alternate the cot sheets so you're always wearing/sleeping with one so it picks up your smell. Even drip some breast milk onto it where her head will be (and let it dry!) so it smells of you.

Arrange a blanket that's been rolled up like a sausage into a U shape that forms a snug 'nest' for her. It should be from shoulder to shoulder so there's no chance of her face ending up against it. If you lay her down so her feet are making contact with the bottom of it she'll feel more secure.

Swaddle her. Those giant muslins are good for this. Alternatively you can get swaddle bags that do it all for you. Just be sure that she's completely free to move her legs. I personally don't like the method of pinning their arms by their sides - in the womb their little hands are right up next to their face so this is familiar and reassuring, and she can even suck on her hands for comfort if you swaddling her so she can reach them.

Warm the spot with a hot water bottle before you pop her down. Obviously remove it completely when she's in there!

Definitely use white noise if you aren't already.

Lie her down awake. Stay with her and pat or rock her, SSSHHHH (much more loudly than you'd think you need to!) or breathe deeply next to her ear. If she falls asleep in your arms she will be unsettled to wake in her cot - one book I read likened it to us falling a sleep in bed and suddenly waking up on the kitchen floor!

Power through! The world is new and overwhelming and alien to her at the moment. Do what you've got to do (following safe sleep guidelines of course!) for the next couple of months and worry about routines and bad habits when she's older.

Have you tried singing to your baby, or finding some lullaby music? Needs to be quiet and monotonous but it usually defeats my grandchildren. Good luck.