8 week old will not sleep during day

[JMcD13]

I'm desperate for some advice as my DH and I are feeling like failures.
Our DD is 8 weeks old and rarely sleeps during the day. If she does nap, it has to be in the arms of one of us.
Today she has not napped at all and is now sooooo beyond tired and just will not stop crying. We have tried soothing by rocking, bouncing, cuddling, feeding, dummy, vacuuming, white noise machine, quiet television, silence, leaving her to cry and now my DH has just taken her for a drive to see if that helps. We've tried play too but felt that was possibly making things worse too and had no effect.
Her lack of napping isn't brand new but the constant crying is. She's got a clean nappy, clean clothes, breastfed on demand, house temp is 20° and has no obvious signs of being unwell/uncomfortable etc.
Does anyone have any advice? We're first time parents and have no idea what we're doing wrong. It hurts to see her cry for so long and I just want her to sleep knowing it will make everyone feel better

I seem to remember 6-8 weeks being when the inability to nap started for our DD once she became more alert. Bloody awful time, I feel for you.

We eventually found her ‘nap switch’ by walking round and round the village with her in the buggy covered by a Snoozeshade. Once she started napping like that regularly, she stopped getting overtired at bedtime, so was getting more rested and so the naps improved and thus bedtime improved further - like a cycle.

She now (7 months) still only naps for 3 x half hours daily but can cope with it now. Still in her buggy as I don’t want to be tied to the house, but it takes a few minutes of rocking the buggy and she’s off.

It’s a rubbish time, but I think once you figure out your own unique way of getting them to nap regularly, you break the cycle of overtiredness and the whole thing just improves. No ‘rods’ created here either, so don’t worry about that!

Have you tried a sling allowing her to sleep close to you? What s the sleep at night like?

Thanks both she'll fall asleep in the pram bit it doesn't last long and results in crying rather than just being awake and alert. The car is the same.
Night time has been good, touch wood! She usually has last feed at 10pm then settles within 15 mins and wakes between 1-2am for next feed, re-settles until 4-5am for next feed then is awake but calm until around 7am for next feed. The day time is when everything goes to pot. I'm not sure if we should be trying to put down a routine at this stage and tbh I'd not have a clue what to do without nap times to work around.
A sling works some days, I might get 30-60 mins of either asleep or chilled baby, other days she will scream until I take her out of the sling. Play time has got better now she's more alert and we might get 20 mins on the play gym or bouncer chair each. It's just so hard running out of ideas and feeling like you should know exactly what to do to make your own baby happy.

Our first child went through a similar stage around 6-8 weeks and we are starting to have similar problems now with baby number 2. It's so hard! Before I had kids I foolishly assumed that you could just cuddle and rock your baby and they would sleep but with both of ours, when they are struggling to get to sleep during the day, no amount of cuddling or rocking seems to soothe them and it makes you feel like such a failure!

Our first child eventually learnt to sleep in the pram for naps. As yours is falling asleep in the pram (even though it doesnt last) I would suggest persevering with that? I think once they get more used to having naps in the pram, they are able to settle back to sleep again if something disturbs them after 10 mins, as it inevitably will. When we first starting taking ours out for walks in the pram, some days he would wake after 10 mins and cry and cry and so we would abandon the walk and try something else. But eventually (I think around 10 weeks??) he learnt that the pram meant a nap and so as soon as we put him in the pram and strapped him in he would relax and you could tell he was preparing himself to sleep. He would then stay asleep for the duration of the walk and only wake up when he had slept enough. It used to be lovely, after an hour his eyes would suddenly open and he would smile up at me and I would know he was finished with a nap and it was time to go home. It was so nice to have a baby wake up contented and well rested!
I'm hoping the same approach works with our second as things are tough at the moment!

mine first one did the same at the same age. Then so desperately overtired at bedtime.

this is what I did, based on a couple of books, I'm not saying it will work, but it did work for us.

1. Put them down early, don't wait til they are tired, so once up for 2 hours, it is nap time, even if they don't look ready. (by the time they look ready, they are overtired)
2. Dark room, like night time, very quiet, all same queues as night time.
3. minimal stimulation, so minmal rocking etc. At best in their cot with your hand, and very movement.

As a previous poster said, once he got it, everything was easier, and he was happier.

He was a shocker for only sleeping in his bed in his room. We didn't have a car, so we couldn't try sleeping in the car!

sorry cues not queues!

Dear God, I'm so glad I found this thread. OP, am sending you lots of hugs. I've got an 8 week old and he's a bloody nightmare - he has horrendous wind and doesn't sleep during the day unless he's either sleeping on my chest (which he's doing as I write this!!) or in a sling.

As for nighttime, we don't even have a bedtime - it's just whenever we've put DS1 to bed at 8pm, and I'm co-sleeping because I'm just so desperate to get any bloody sleep at all. I actually feel like I'm losing touch with reality.

Can 8 week olds learn to self-settle? Does anyone know? Or is this just a fourth trimester thing that you just have to cope with?

ARGH

And you'd think I'd remember how to do all this from having had DS1, but it's honestly like my brain has been wiped - I can't remember anything about how we coped with DS1 when he was this age.

Try a stretchy wrap and get baby in there, at least you’ll have arms free! Only thing that worked for dd at that age.

8 weeks old don’t know they’re not a part of you yet, so can’t be expected to self-settle. That’s why they like being held all the time, laid down on their own is terrifying because they’re so used to being inside a warm, dark place with a heartbeat.

It does pass! Promise. The first few months are tough as hell, but it gets easier.

Too young to cry it out. Go in the pram and put some white noise in the pram the little hush box you can get should be asleep then

Following! Been bouncing and rocking and shushing my 8-week-old nap-refuser all day. She's cranky as hell today and not much is working 😭

@burritofan I feel your pain. It sucks, doesn't it?!

@MustardScreams I reckon you're right; I'll just keep DS in a sling until further notice. Poor wee thing; when he does his little throwing-the-arms-out reflex thing, I can see how terrifying Life Outside must be for him.

It's so nice to hear we're not alone with this as much as it absolutely sucks! I guess it's another phase that has to be ridden out.
The frustrating thing is some things work a treat one day for settling (i.e. the sling) then the next day she will not tolerate it at all. There's just no consistency.
My HV told me to just put her down and let her cry it out but everyone else has said that is a crazy suggestion at such as young age. (HV hasn't been great in any aspect so not surprised she's not helped with this either)
Hopefully another few weeks and things will change again