Failing. Cosleeping. Help

[Wahhh]

So our 7monther has never slept well. We have had the very occasional 3-4 night run of 3-5hour stretches but mostly it’s been a lot lot worse. Before i used to give in and cosleep from 3am onwards but now I am so shattered I am now going to bed at8 or 9 with a baby that I can’t seem to put down anymore without my nipple in it’s mouth. Dh is in a seperate room. Baby suckles sometimes hourly. I am shattered, sad, and feel like a failure. Naps that aren’t contact are a real struggle. Dh dares to complain about his bad night sleep in the morning. I can’t do cio/cc etc. This is a dearly wanted baby that was many years in coming. Any one I speak to makes me feel better initially until they admit how often they are woken and it is so much less than me. I would die for
1-2 wake ups. We have no evening as baby wakes every 45mins at best, or often won’t sleep, or won’t sleep until I join him. Am I a big fat failure at parenthood?

I should add baby is a Velcro baby who screams / shrieks if i set him down. My sleep deprived brain can’t cope with the noise. I can see he’s bored but I have to get the chores done at some point. I managed to ninja roll away from a nap yesterday and do the chores but that’s a first. This meant we could go for a walk which he seemed to enjoy a little more. Not sure what I’m asking really. I just can’t believe babies are like this!

Your baby sounds very much like my youngest, it was HARD! I won't lie I have no magic cure I just got to 13 months and I genuinely could not do it anymore so I went cold turkey with the boob and did CIO. It was harsh and horrible for 3 nights and there is no way I would have done it any earlier I just reached my limit and had tried everything else.
I did find reading 'the no cry sleep solution' which helped me understand his sleep patterns a bit better and made me feel better about the situation.
Good luck and I hope someone else comes along with some better advice.

You are a wonderful mum and I am sure you're doing your vest for your baby. Sleep deprivation is HARD. I hear you. I felt the same way - it broke my heart to hear him cry and I couldn't leave him. We ended up using some gentle sleep methods from Little Sleep Stars which helped improve his day and night sleep. I was always in the room with him, he was never left to cry. There were some tears, but way less than what I was getting from him and me every other night. I really recommend following her on Instagram.

You're doing a great job, promise!

Sounds like my DS! He's 2 now and sleeps MUCH better to give you some hope.
Ok, my advice:
Keep practising the ninja roll. It gives you space in the day and you will be able to transfer this to a toddler bed in due course. We have never used a cot - went from co-sleeping to toddler bed.
When you do bedtime, get DH to lay with you. It's really nice to involve him even though he can't breastfeed. He can still cuddle, hold little one's hand etc. You can work up to feeding then leaving and DH can cuddle to sleep. This gives you a break and more confidence leaving little one in the evenings if you need / want to.
Try gentle night weaning. When baby wakes, wait 10 minutes (feels like an eternity) before feeding. Shush, cuddle, pat, stroke tummy / back etc. You will hopefully be amazed that more often than not baby falls asleep without latching in this time frame. If after 10 mins baby is still awake OR baby starts crying in earnest before this time frame, then feed as they probably are properly hungry. I managed to cut down to 1-2 night feeds this way and shortened all other wake ups considerably. It isn't a quick fix but it's gentle and it does work.
Don't know how you're getting on with weaning but I also introduced a supper of porridge before bed as I had a big hungry boy and this helped too.
Get DH to do some nap times when he's home. He may end up doing totally different things to you to settle the baby but, again, this is good and gives you a break!
Good luck, I know how hard it it. Take it easy on yourself - you're doing a great job and you are definitely not alone!

Sorry I did do paragraphs but app has not behaved!

Not a failure! My first was exactly like yours and my second sleeps way better. I'm still the same parent... different child :)
Sadly I don't have any tips on improving sleep though.

It's a bit much that he is suckling so much at seven months so I understand your frustration. First thing is to cut down the feeding, slowly and gently. If you don't he'll still be doing it/expecting it at a year old.

I'm a great one for co-sleeping though, nice and cosy. We always had a good night's sleep for that reason.

I was in the same position Op. I sleep trained at 11 months after not being able to take it anymore. I night weaned and did gentle sleep training with hand holding from a consultant. Lots of holding her and cuddling but not feeding at night. It saved my sanity and my marriage. You don’t ha e to continue punishing yourself like this, and I found DD was thriving more after getting a good night’s rest too.

My son was similar we coslept from birth until he was around a year. By 3 months he was only waking twice then by 5 months once. Then bang on 6 month teething happened and he was awful and if seemed he nursed on and off all night. Just as I returned to work too! He did gradually start sleeping better again and by a year he was sleeping through most nights so we moved him to a cot. It's horrible having no sleep and having no space because your child is attached to you 24/7 but it won't last forever, it will end!
My son co slept in my bed and was usually asleep at 7ish and I'd stay with him and watch tv in bed or go to sleep just after him!
You have my sympathy! Sending hugs!

You aren’t a failure! You sound like a wonderful mum who is doing the very best you can to foster secure attachments with your baby.

I have ten month old twins. My little boy woke every 90 minutes/two hours from four months until about two weeks ago. Was I exhausted? Yes, Was I a failure, no.

Your baby is still so little. Have faith that things will improve as he gets bigger...because they will. In the meantime have some and some (strong coffee)

Ahh well I was hoping someone would say oh mine was like that but a month later was sleeping through. Seems we are in for the long haul! I went to bed with a very upset boy at 8pm last night but we got a five hour uninterrupted stretch so I feel semi human today. And I’ve just managed another ninja roll nap so getting there. Thanks for the support x

Afraid not op.

I found reframing my expectations of how babies sleep really helps me to cope. Most babies DON’T sleep through the night. I’d recommend The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell Smith. It’s really helpful.

Well done on the five hours. That’s a really good stretch😊

I have actually read it (during the newborn nights). I remember very little so will read it again if I ever get a chance!

Right here with you with a 9 month old right now! 👍🏻

Sorry tumtittum hope your night improved!

I'm pleased you achieved five hours sleep plus a small sleep later, Wahhh.

Sleeping (safely) with your baby cuddled up is lovely. Make the most of it, it doesn't last long, Before you know it he'll be doing his own thing & you'll have trouble getting him out of bed in the morning!

Are you sure your baby isn't teething? At bad moments mine needs anbesol liquid and ibuprofen to stay asleep, otherwise he runs around for distraction (older than yours) or uses my boob to help with the pain.

Sympathies - I called the phases where he couldn’t sleep without a nipple in his mouth “permalatch” phases. So uncomfortable, both on the nipples and the sleeping position. I only found cosleeping comfortable in the early days - later it was like trying to sleep with a ravenous lion cub, none of that blissful snuggling and occasional sleepy feeding and “I barely notice him waking up” for me. I felt like I had failed from the POV of the blissful cosleepers as well as from the POV of the “you must get him in the cot” folks. Anyway, I’m afraid for us it only got better once he would allow his dad to settle him sometimes at night once he was about 11mo - he went from hysterical screaming when his dad tried (and only settling with feeding) to suddenly letting him lie him back down gently and he would quietly drift off again. It must have been a developmental thing. Now at 13mo he will do much longer stretches in his cot and my nipples are no longer shredded.

Either way, it’s hell when you’re going through it but it will get better. I can’t tell you when though, which really doesn’t help, sorry