12 week old sleep issues

[newmummytot]

Hi everyone, i need help!

I am a first time mum and since day one my baby has had sleep issues. Baby is now 12 weeks old and there is still no change or a sleep routine. My baby is breastfed but i have started to give formula for one feed before bed hoping this aids a longer sleep, this has not made much difference. Myself and my partner start to put baby down for the night from 7pm. Majority of the time it is a battle, we swaddle, put white noise on and give a dummy. Baby still needs to be held, patted and comforted prior to falling asleep. When baby eventually sleeps he wakes for feeds every 1.5hours to 2 hours all the way until 7am.
Day time naps are the worse, doesn't sleep much at all (ranging from 10mins to 45mins) and definitely not in the sleepyhead (which is inside the bedside crib). Baby will only sleep in our arms and once put down wakes immediately.
We have tried the bouncer, swing and sling but still cannot get him to sleep.

He also cries quite a lot, he has always been this way.

I cannot get any housework or cooking done as i am constantly holding him.

I feel like i am doing something wrong especially when friends/families babies all sleep well during the day!

This sounds totally normal. My baby is exactly the same.

We cosleep and it’s given me a new lease of life. She will wake in the night, realise I’m next to her and settle herself back to sleep. She now sleeps through the night reliably.

Don’t compare yourself to others. Housework can wait. Enjoy the snuggles instead

This all sounds fairly normal. Some babies just don't sleep all that well. Instead of having a long drawn out, stressful bedtime, why don't you try keeping your baby up with you in the evening? My first didn't go to bed until about 11 until he was around 8 months old. He just hung out with us. Not saying this will def work for you, but I'd look at the way your baby is, when he seems tired, etc and try and accommodate naps and bedtime to that. Trying to implement an external routine in young babies doesn't tend to work, in my (limited) experience.
And yes, not doing housework etc can feel hugely frustrating. Try and cut yourself some slack. These first few months are hard and stressful. Forget about having a perfect house and try to enjoy the time with your baby.
Good luck!

Don’t stress too much your baby is only twelve weeks old. I have co slept with our third since birth and without this I would never have slept or rested.
Don’t fret about routines or what you think everyone else’s baby is doing sleep wise because there is no point.
Totally agree with the two PP

I feel your pain. I think that's just normal for some babies. My second is like this but sure my first slept better.

I second co sleeping. I breastfed to sleep until baby was about 6 months old. At 7pm (ish) and then when she wakes at 11/12/1/2 I feed in our bed. And we all just sleep / feed for the rest of the night. It's the only way we could get any sleep. And my husband was not happy at first but could see id be a wreck otherwise with the waking about 10 mins after u get back to sleep.
Daytime naps much the same as you.
Your baby only 12 weeks old. Try not to worry too much yet. Schedule will come when they are ready and then you'll be able to structure it a bit more.
We worry soo much about sleeping too much not enough etc etc.
Also I did get to using formula at night for the last week. As I want to transition to a bottle for the bedtime feed. But it has makes no difference to waking up.

So I suppose what I'm saying is that it's not you doing anything wrong. It's all normal.

X

Thank you for your replies!
I think what im trying to say is that during the day i don't have any schedules/patterns for when baby sleeps. Is that because baby is still very young? I usually go by his yawns and cries so then try to encourage him to sleep. I know this stage won't last forever which is why i have given into him and just hold him the whole day but it would help if i was able to put him down so i could have a bite to eat or shower without having to wait for my partner to come home!

In terms of the crying , is it normal for babies to cry so much? If given a dummy it helps sooth him but i have noticed that it can interfere with him feeding so i am very reluctant to give it and try to only use it to help sleep otherwise he does not settle down.

People have also said that he cries a lot!! I do burp baby after every feed so i don't think his crying is due to wind especially since a lot of the time he can be comforted by a dummy.

My baby has been fed or rocked to sleep most of her life. She also cried a lot and didn't want to be put down. She still cries now but not as much as she used to. Sometimes it felt impossible to soothe her.

However recently, feeding her to sleep sometimes hasn't worked and I can see she's really tired, so I started to get her to sleep whilst she is lying flat in her bed.

These were the steps I took with minimal crying and not leaving the baby to cry alone. (At first I found it hard not picking her up as soon as she cried but I realised she was crying in my arms just as much, if not more.)

1. Introduce some sustainable* sleep associations whilst doing whatever that currently works to get baby to sleep. I use a little bunny safe for newborns and sing/hum the song "you are my sunshine".

So every time you feed/rock the baby to sleep have the comforter so they can see it/hold it and sing the same song every time.

These things will eventually take over from the feeding/rocking to sleep. I sing the same song when I see her falling asleep in the car or the pram etc. (As per SIDs advice, remove the comforter when baby is asleep)

1. Now... getting baby to fall asleep in crib

- Feed/rock til drowsy - Lay down in crib (my baby instantly starts to whinge/cry...) - Give comforter/soft toy - Sing and pat baby if they don't mind you touching them, mine sometimes pushes hands away if she's crying but will let me stroke her forehead - As baby quietens down, sing more softly until baby starts to fall asleep then switch on white noise

1. If baby won't settle in a certain amount of time, pick up and settle them however you can, and just try again next time.

Don't be disheartened. Every time you repeat the new sleep association alongside what you're currently doing to get the baby to sleep it's progress!

*I call them "sustainable" because they will be easiest to withhold in the long run as rocking or feeding to sleep doesn't always work for me now at 7/8 months. I don't believe in any negative sleep associations and I'd rather call them temporary sleep associations! Haha

Personally, I don't believe it's good to let babies cry without trying to soothe them but as I said before, I keep an eye on the time and often she was crying in my arms being rocked even more than whilst she was crying as I lay her down singing next to her. I had to convince myself that holding my baby wasn't the only way she could be soothed.

I'm not sure I have any helpful advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone! We are really struggling with daytime naps too. Our baby will only nap if fed to sleep and then held for the duration of his nap. He stirs and cries about every 10 minutes during a nap (wind I think judging by the subsequent noises that appear from the bottom end) and if we are cuddling him and rub his back, can usually keep him asleep when he stirs but if he is in basket/pram he wakes after 10 minutes and is distraught.
My first baby was very similar and I just got used to having no time to do housework or cooking when he was little. We had a lot of takeaways! Things got a bit easier when he was older and more awake during the day as I actually found it easier to do housework and cooking with him awake. He was quite happy in the kitchen whilst I was cooking as long as I kept talking to him and he had some toys.

It's much harder now because I am really struggling to keep my 4 year old happy when I am permanently pinned under a feeding/sleeping baby. Having to get very creative with sitting down games!

So I really don't have helpful advice but you are not alone so please don't feel like you are doing something wrong. I used to compare myself to all the other mums with beautifully napping babies and feel so rubbish. But I guess all babies are different. And it did get easier .. Our first liked the sling once he reached about 4 months. Maybe keep trying the sling every once in a while?

My LO was the exact same, he's now 12 weeks old. I have bottle fed him since birth. He doesn't have a set nap routine during the day but at night we keep him up with us till about 10 and then one of us will give him a bath, then feed with lullabies on in a quiet room and he goes off to sleep.

We use the vapour bath from Asda (which is 87p), honestly it works a treat for my LO, he will sleep from about 11-5:30 every night since I've used this in his bath. You can use it from birth. It may be worth a try to see if it settles your baby a bit more