Any advice for how long a newborn should sleep for and how to make it happen?

[Rflook]

Hi, we are really struggling with getting our newborn to sleep. According to a variety of websites newborns sleep something like 14-18 hours in a 24 hour cycle. There is no way ours is doing that, maybe 8-10 at best. Each sleep session is also fairly short as well, maybe 45 mins to an hour. We have tried swaddling but either we are totally rubbish at it or he hates it. But then when we don't swaddle he does the Moro reflex and wakes himself up. We also thought that feeding would sort it, he once took 50ml of breast milk and then another 50ml of formula and proceeded to be awake for about 3 hours.

We are fairly concerned about his sleep, or apparent lack thereof and wonder if this is normal and how we might actually both increase the duration of each sleep to something like 2 hours and the regularity of those sleeps? While I have one more week of pat leave I can bear the brunt of the lack of sleep, but my missus is pretty anxious about how she will cope when I go back to work.

Any advice gratefully received.

Where’s he sleeping?

And with swaddles, have you tried something like this? Pricey but brilliant and much easier than faffing with blankets. gro.co.uk/product/gro-snug/

Does he sleep longer if being held? Most newborns will sleep a lot more if being cuddled. If this is the case for your son, I advise your "missus" () to spend a lot of time feeding/cuddling him either in bed or in front of daytime tv. The tiny baby phase passes so quickly, and housework etc can wait. A sling may be a place he loves to sleep in too.

Hi all, thanks for the advice and questions so far. Couple of responses

@littlecabbage: yes I know the term "missus" may seem a little old hat/disrespectful but it is a term of endearment and rest assured the good lady is fine with the term. The babs does indeed prefer to sleep on top of someone/in their arms (indeed he is in this position now after getting cranky a few mins ago) and this is fine for short periods but one cannot remain like this for elongated periods and nor can one sleep themselves like this (always the chance of firing the little on off yourself if you fall asleep). Might be fine for the daytime but is not so good when you want to nap/sleep yourself.

@53rdway, he either sleeps on top of me/the good lady in his Moses basket or co-sleeper.

They will usually sleep for longer in a sling, or whilst being cuddled.
And co-sleeping if you are up for it.

Ha, didn't take long for an unnecessary digquick, a mans posting, find something to eye roll at 😏!
Anyway, I'm not much help. My third child is now 13 weeks old and at one point I didn't sleep for four nights due to sitting up holding her. I ended up hallucinating during the day. Just once but it was scary!
I just wanted to say congratulations and good luck to you and the mrs

Slings are brilliant for daytime naps. They feel cuddled, you get use of your arms back.

Night-time sleep when they’ll only sleep on you is rough. One of mine was like that and the sleep deprivation drove me nuts, but she did grow out of it gradually after a few weeks and could be coaxed into the co-sleeper. Warming it beforehand with a hot water bottle helped, and so did blasting white noise.

He's (I'm guessing) a week old.

It all sounds pretty normal I'm afraid, newborns sleep a lot but not always in a way that is convenient to the parents. At this age they pretty much want to be held/cuddled 24 hours a day.

A stretchy sling will most likely help him sleep long periods during the day, at gives you your arms back.

Nighttime you've just got to crack on and get as much sleep as possible between you in whatever way you can.

Newborns are exhausting unfortunately, but it gets better and fingers crossed you have one of the good ones that starts sleeping through from a few weeks old ?

I had a newborn like this. Very very alert, slept so much less than recommendations. He didn't cry much either so in hindsight I wonder if he just needed less than average.

But I did persevere and got him sleeping more by using the pram and swing. And sort of co sleeping as I could never fall asleep with him so I would lie down with him when he woke to help him go back to sleep, and then go back to my own bed, but that is just me as I find sleeping difficult myself.

However if I had my time again I would go on how he was and look for tired signs. The recommendations are all based on averages so some may just need less sleep overall.

Fwiw he slept poorly (despite my efforts) until about 2 years and from then onwards he was an amazing sleeper.

Following with interest as I'm in the exact same position myself! Currently have 9 day old DD sleeping on my chest, which means I can't sleep, and have sent DH to the spare room so one of us is somewhat lucid tomorrow!

I have a 3 week old. I make sure that when she falls asleep on me she's on a blanket or something and the whole lot is then placed in the cot. It stops the change in temperature from waking her up. Mine is ff, she takes 4 ounces and I expect to get 3 hrs out of that.

Definitely get a sling – hopefully you'll find the longer and better the daytime sleep, the more nighttime sleep you'll get. But it won't get super-long or start regulating for a while – DD is 7 weeks and a pattern is just starting to emerge.

We do all daytime naps on people – either in the sling or on visitors who want the cuddles, and if needs be I'll stay prone on the sofa for several hours with her to guarantee she naps as it makes it easier to get her to sleep at night. Get your wife set up with a sports water bottle, Netflix and remote controls, box of snacks and phone charger and settle in for a few hours a day. Ignore the state of the house, bank those baby nap hours!

At night, co-sleep – if the aim is to get the baby into their own cot/crib, lash the cot to the bed with side down and gradually move their co-sleeping position towards their own space.

Before you leave for work in the morning, take the baby for an hour so your wife can sleep to survive the day. Ditto as soon as you get back from work, she sleeps. Enlist as many willing visitors as possible to have the baby sleep on them. You'll survive and it gets better!

Sympathy, we have been there and it's tough!

Just a general piece of advice - tey to avoid the 'your baby should' websites. They are as torturous as they are comforting and you might drive yourself nuts like I did!

Congratulations!

Try white noise for babys on youtube excellent

No advice but we’re in the same boat. Our baby will only sleep in our arms pretty much. At night we sleep in separate rooms and are taking turns. We’ve got a bedside crib and trying to get her into that but it’s not as warm or cosy as in our arms! We have just bought a sling like others have recommended. Good luck!