Is it worth trying to break this habit right now?

[Whyismycatanasshat]

Morning all, after another parent giving me
Advice again I thought I’d ask you all for some input.
My 4.5 month LO is probably in the midst of a sleep regression right now.

At the moment she is fighting sleep and is cuddled to sleep rather than being put in her cot drowsy to slee and or self sooth; as she has been since she was a tiny baby.

I am constantly being told I am making a rod for my own back by doing this but she will not settle on her own. She screams until she is sick then keeps going. (We tried a week of cry it out and saw no change night by night, so gave up after 8 nights of torture!)

She has severe reflux and is on various medications to help.
I still have to keep her upright for 30 minutes to an hour after a feed. She does not do the drowsy stage after a bottle for long, and as she is upright we can’t put her in her crib.

She does not nap well; again has to be held but fights it constantly.

Should I worry about the being held thing, or just keep going? Will she get it and be able to get herself to sleep eventually?

Hi there, it sounds like her reflux is making things difficult for all of you, and the early months can be really tough when you're many weeks into much less sleep and your evenings are still very disturbed.
But, I would say though that needing to be held to sleep for such a young baby is not a habit, it's normal. She is only just out of the newborn phase, and there are many biological reasons for her to need to be close to you. You are a source of comfort, that's totally fine.

I understand that it's tiring having to help them fall asleep but clearly she needs your presence at the moment. You aren't making a rod, you are being there for her while she needs you. She will gradually over time learn to fall asleep more easily, and there might be more tricky phases, but she'll get there.
And there's no rule that you have to ever leave your kids alone. I stay with mine at age 3 and 5 until they fall asleep, it takes only 30-40 mins from start of stories to a little chat, nursing the youngest and just lying with the oldest. They both sleep very solidly overnight; yes it took about two years before they got to only one/no overnight wake-ups but once I stopped thinking it was something they were doing wrong or that I needed to fix, it stopped being stressful and was just part of parenting.
I would say try using a sling to help her fall asleep while being held, then learn to put her down super slowly and gently, keeping your body on hers for 10 seconds-ish so she doesn't have the startle reflex triggered. She's still very small, and there's a long road ahead. Try to shift your routines and expectations to fit what she needs. There's no need to push it and cause everyone distress. Good luck.

Personally I'd just do whatever it takes for the first 9 months or so. There's plenty of time for changing habits after that. Both of mine were up and down for the first year and there's so much going on developmentally... They both slept really well on their own after that (although one did require a bit of gentle sleep training at about 13 months)

I'd work on the naps to get a fairly regular sleep routine if you can - does she sleep in a pushchair or carseat or sling? Until about 9 months dc1 needed his second nap being walked around in a pushchair. It did change though.