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No sleep still at 21 months - anyone else?

6 replies

Twinmumessex · 05/06/2019 07:59

Hello, I wonder if anyone is in the same situation as me. Not looking for advice as such (I’ve given up on solutions), more ‘strength in numbers’ and reassurance that other people are experiencing the same and it’s not just that me and husband are terrible at parenting!!!

My twins have never been good sleepers. In the early days I posted here quite a bit and this time last year we got a sleep consultant in which helped address some issues but things still weren’t perfect. Then, when they hit 18months they blessedly both started sleeping through seemingly of their own accord. We had a couple of months of getting full nights out of them 4/5 nights a week and the difference in our quality of life was amazing.

Cut to 2 months later, after a run of illnesses and a short holiday which took us slightly out of routine, and we’re back at square one - actually it feels worse because we’ve experienced how good it could be! Here are some night scenarios we commonly have (note, they both have always gone down fine at 7/7.30pm, the issues only start anytime post 10pm).

My boy wakes and is just WIDE awake for around 2 hours before we can get him back to sleep. He’ll be fidgety and restless but apparently not in any pain as calpol does nothing to help settle him. We just have to wait for him to get sleepy again.

My boy will wake and sometimes his noise wakes my girl. She will be inconsolable, won’t want to be held, or put down, either option sends her crazy and she’ll be crawling around the floor wailing. We’ve had nights where the only thing I can do to calm her down is put GiggleBiz on the iPad. It will be 3am we’re all in our bed watching TV just to get them to stop crying so we can try and get them back to sleep!! We’ve also had times when we’ve had to rock them in the pram indoors trying to get them back to sleep!

My boy will wake, we sweep him out of the bedroom before he wakes his sister, get him to sleep in our bed, return him to cot... few hours later, repeat.

Sometimes they both wake at 4.30am, we can’t get them back down and so at 5.30am just resign ourself to starting our day. So we’re all shattered and moody all day.

We don’t have the “luxury” of trying controlled crying with them as they share a room, we don’t have the space to separate them and the thought of forcing one of them to sit through the other being controlled cried all night feels neither practical or fair. The fact that we did have some months when they both slept through makes me think they CAN do it. But why have they stopped?

We were naive to the point of stupidity about when they would start sleeping through and thought it would happen naturally at about 6months. Nearly 2 years in, we’re still not there. Is this common?? Do we have to accept that we won’t get our sleep back for years now? For anyone whose children also didn’t sleep at this age, when did it change and why/how?

Thank you for any reassurance that we’re not alone in this never-ending sleep deprived hell 😫

OP posts:
crazychemist · 05/06/2019 09:03

Sorry to hear it’s so shit. It must be incredibly hard with twins! My DD is an astonishingly crap sleeper, before I had her I had no idea it could be this bad long term, I’m lucky there’s only one of her!

Take some comfort that they have managed it before, this is presumably just a sleep regression, and with time and some tweaks to routine it will hopefully all be fine again. Maybe DS is awake so much because he’s treating it as a nap rather than bedtime? Could he need a bit more awake time before he goes down?

InFrance2014 · 05/06/2019 11:38

Both mine were definitely very disturbed sleepers, but they both began to wake much less in evenings and overnight from about 2.5-3 yrs. It's gradual but it definitely was about then. They are both really reliable now at age 3 and 5. Are yours in the same cot or bed together? Maybe he would go back to sleep/not become totally awake if he could cuddle up to her?

PotolBabu · 05/06/2019 11:45

How long are there naps?

If one of them awakes, can be swiftly put back to sleep, albeit in a different location, then do that. Surely that is better than TV at 3 am? Sleep deprivation makes it harder to see the wood for the trees (that’s what sleep consultants make money off):

  • But does one twin sleep better than the other?
  • If so then remove one twin immediately as soon as he wakes up, resettle and let one twin get decent sleep.
  • If one of them awakes up and is awake but not crying, let it be.
  • Naptimes. Maybe one of them needs naptime to be adjusted. I also found that it is the gap between the last nap and bedtime (in our case our 2 year old needs a 6 hour gap) that makes for a peaceful bedtime and sleeping through.
PotolBabu · 05/06/2019 11:46

*their naps. I seem to have lost the ability to write coherently.

NotSoThinLizzy · 05/06/2019 12:24

My wee one is the same wakes about 2am dosent go back until 5am. Solidarity in numbers. It'll get better. I never slept through till I started school 😂

Twinmumessex · 05/06/2019 12:40

My girl definitely sleeps better than my boy. She has been pretty consistent from about 11months but we’ve never felt it because he’s been so rubbish!
Our priority is always to get him out of the bedroom as quickly as possible so as not to wake her because it’s when they’re both up that’s it’s carnage as they feed off each other. But that’s where we’ve run in to recent problems because he’s got used to sleeping in with us and I’m sure that’s contributing to him waking as he wants to be in our bed 🙄.
They nap for 1.5hours from midday ish, we don’t let them go past 2pm and are down for the evening between 7pm - 7.30pm. I’m wondering if we need to knock his nap out entirely and that will lead to him being tired enough to go through the night. But again, it’s the logistics of managing 2 babies, as having them on different schedules is a nightmare. Not sure if they’re too young to drop day naps entirely?
I feel like the only mum who has kids this age that still don’t sleep, feel like such a failure 😫

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