Any sleep consultants here?

[grace7]

I've posted before about my DS sleep but really at a loss now! Any advice would be highly appreciated. DS is 12 months old and has always slept in our bed, he won't fall asleep by himself nor self soothe. This means that he needs to be either rocked or bf to sleep every nap/bedtime. When he wakes during the night (4 - 5 times) he will cry unless I bf meaning nobody but me can go to him - it's exhausting!

Tonight DP and I planned for DS to be put in his cot and for him to 'cry it out', I went to work as I knew I couldn't bear it and DP was up to the challenge. Cue me coming home to hear DS still screaming. Apparently he'd managed to escape his cot at first so DP had to stay in the bedroom with him. I eventually got him to sleep by feeding him and then got in his cot with him.

I don't really want to try this method again as it may sound pathetic, but it was really upsetting to see DS so distressed and it wasn't working anyway. Has anyone got any ideas how to introduce him to his cot in a gentler way? And work towards him sleeping through the night?

Thank you, sorry for long post.

Hi OP,

We're just giving this one a bump for you.

I would hire a sleep consultant as it will be difficult to sort on your own.

What about weaning him onto a bottle for nap/sleep times so that removes the bf associations?

Also we did a lovely gentle routine here that worked in about a week as my grand daughter had got used to being rocked aswell.

We would take her in half an hour before her nap/sleep time (to take into account the sleep training), place her in the cot and stay in the room, no talking and very little eye contact. Pick her up if she got upset, brief cuddle and place back in cot and REPEAT. You will find that firstly they exhaust theirselves in this process and secondly they then start to get drowsy but still a little upset and eventually on one of the brief cuddles they will start to drop off to sleep on you. Get them back in the cot before fully asleep. They may wake up, get upset again. Just repeat the process. They get so exhausted they give up and finally sleep.

After two days we started leaving the room very briefly and then walking back in, extending this by another minute and then another minute, again no talking and very little eye contact (it reinforces that you’re still there and that they aren’t alone). If she got upset while we were out of the room we would go back in, briefly cuddle and put back in cot and repeat.

We also introduced ‘Mrs Bunny’ as her cuddle partner. Now she loves getting into the cot and cuddling up to her Bunny.

Honestly, what a difference though! She goes in her cot now and goes to sleep without anyone in the room, no rocking and self settles when she wakes!

I hope I haven’t made this too complicated for you to read and understand. You may find our experience helpful. Ultimately it’s consistency.

I would hire a sleep consultant but I really can't afford it. Is there any NHS led sleep help? I have talked to lovely HV at his one year check but it hasn't helped much.

@MellowMelly

Thank you for your reply. DP started taking him to bed (evenings) with the bottle which was quite successful but he refuses it when he wakes during the night. I guess it's just a case of gently weaning him off.

I think that we will try what you have suggested! Hopefully ds is cooperative.

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

I found this nice and gentle and very effective

There's a FB group with some great advice and support: the beyond sleep training group.

@grace7
You’re welcome and good luck. Keep us posted

Also it’s one hurdle at a time we found. At the moment you can just focus on the ‘going to sleep’ stage and then when you’ve sorted that, weaning him off of the ‘waking in the night for feeds’ will be your next stage. That way it’s nice and gentle like you said.

The main thing is consistency, go with one approach and stick with it, no matter what. DS won't know whether he's coming or going if you keep changing and what he's learning is if he cries he gets what he had before. Your changes don't need to be radical, anytging in the direction of change is good. Have a good think together before you do anything else. If DS has always sleep in your bed, it's huge to expect him to change to his own cot overnight.

I think you need to get him used to being in the cot before doing cry it out, otherwise it’s too big a change all at once. To go from being in the bed with you to being alone in his own room is probably a bit scary!

Can you sleep next to the cot on an airbed or similar for a few nights while he gets used to being a bit further away from you? Or put the cot in your bedroom for a bit? Once he’s used to being in the cot you can then consider sleep training to reduce the night wakes.