Weaning of comfort night wake ups

[StrongInside]

Hi,

We have been in the 4 months sleep regression for over 6 weeks after our LO started sleeping 6 hours in a row. With up to 7 wake ups a night now, every 1-2 hours, I am physically and emotionally desperate for help!

My LO is 5 months and breastfed, with an occasional formula bottle. He self settles for bedtime, even through this regression! Confusingly, he becomes unable to self settle past 3-4 sleep cycles max. Refuses the dummy and being held/shushed/patted, escalates his moans to cries until he gets the breast. Instant calm! Most wake ups seem to be to suck on my breast for a few minutes and doze off. Teething is under control and only 1-2 times a night is he actually hungry, which I could tackle with a dream feed or wait it out.

I don’t believe in CIO and I don’t want (physically too exhausted) to wait it out indefinitely until LO grows out of comfort sucking. I don’t want to go cold turkey and refuse to offer him the breast in case he is actually hungry, especially on warmer nights.
What am I to do??

I want to stop breastfeeding around 6 months because I want my body/normality back (to get hormones balanced, to stop leaking all the time, get libido back, to be able to share feeds with partner etc.etc.). DH works long hours and has to be up early so I can’t ask him to be the night feeder/comforter unless at weekends. I need to start working on a solution now while I’m still breastfeeding.

We plan to put our LO’s crib into his own room at 6 months and to start weaning then too. Both of those could help him sleep more calmly but it’s ages away. Pantley pull off method does work with perseverance, but it can a long time for results to show. Please share how you weaned your LO off comfort sucking at night.

Bear in mind that stopping the feeds may not help. DS didn't start to sleep through regularly until 2.5 years after we night weaned and 2 years after I stopped bf altogether.

Oh man :/ What did you do to comfort him all that time? Did you ever pinpoint what the cause for not sleeping through the night was?

Following with interest as I have the exact same problem except baby doesn't even self settle when going to bed. I feed to sleep and any attempt to move him into his snuzpod wakes him so we are co sleeping for now. First few hours and last few hours of the night are the worst sometimes waking every 20 mins. I have been going to bed with him at 7.30pm but I am getting very bored of this now and would love an evening to myself!

Cuddles mostly! We did gradual retreat but it had to be very very gradual or it just stressed him too much. I think some children just wake more between sleep cycles and are more reliant on adult comfort to resettle. Mind you he was worse than yours has been so far - we didn't get a solid 5 hours until 14 months or so! An important survival strategy was to arrange to split the nights so we both got a solid stint of sleep - we managed that even while I was still bf.

Every 20 mins, wow, that is mental! Are there any issues with reflux or teething?

Shared nights worked in the early weeks but now LO settles only from BF and also my partner operates heavy machinery so needs his sleep.

Will try to sneak a dummy in my LO’s mouth when he stirs before he starts crying, could that help put him back to sleep?

Only 20-30 mins from 7.30 until 10pm then it's every 1-2 hours until 6am then back to 20 min wakings and it has been like this since he was 3 months old (now 5 months). Never slept longer than 3-4 hours before that.

No issues with reflux, not obviously teething just yet. He just wants the comfort and doesn't fall into a deep sleep until I also am asleep.

Husband works away during the week and is incredibly grumpy if sleep deprived so I deal with all night wakings as he's either not here or I can't be bothered to listen to him moan. He has some good points, just crap at helping with this.

Baby is dummy refuser, tried a few different kinds all expensive 'for breastfed babies' types.

It's pretty depressing as not really sure how to fix the situation so I can really empathise with you.

You’ve got it worse than me, at least I get an hour at a time. It’s debilitating to have all night wakings on us.
Ours has just started to refuse the dummy, I’m noticing it tonight for sure. No idea if hiring a sleep consultant could be the solution for us maybe, because at this point I can’t put a price on sleep.

Ok, so now I’m thinking it’s not all for comfort. LO was feeding eagerly last night every two hours. Would starting solids fill him up?

Sorry, I seem to be the bearer of bad news on this thread - I had hoped weaning would help but it appears generally not! Milk is very rich and more calorie dense than most foods, plus the change of diet can cause digestive discomfort at the start. Another factor is that as babies get more interested in the world around them they can tail off day feeds and increase night ones because there are fewer distractions - doing daytime feeds in a quieter room can help.

It’s true about distractions, hard to keep him focused sometimes.

Has anyone had better nights after starting weaning?

I would wait until you start giving food before weaning off the milk as once they have food then they will be getting a lot of nutrition & calories from that.

Meantime, since you do give formula already, I would up those feeds & see if it helps them settle for longer. This will help when you eventually want to stop BFing altogether

Giving water at wake ups (after 6 months) helps. So does sending in the OH as you will only make them want breast

Weaning can tend to cause more night wakings as their little tummies are getting used to digesting something other than milk.

Also, milk is nutrient and calorie dense, a teaspoon of mashed veg isn’t going to fill them up any longer.

It’s so, so normal for babies to wake up in the night looking for comfort. They were a part of you only a few months ago! It’s bloody knackering and hard work, but it does pass. Dd woke every 1-2 hours until 1 where I did gentle sleep training (it’s not really recommended before 1) and has slept through since then, she’s 2.5.

The problem with the formula is it doesn’t fill him any longer than breastmilk and takes longer to feed (bib, burp, he gets curious when sitting up).

I think waking up for comfort is understandable for the first few months but can’t be normal for a year, surely they should be able to self settle. He self settles half the time so hopefully after the regression he will either comfort himself more often or I guess we’ll do some training because I want my sleep back.

Thanks for your responses!

@stronginside There is no 'normal'. Every child is different.

Regarding comfort, I am of the opinion that they will continue to wake when they get the comfort/feed/attention. This is where offering alternatives and/or sleep training helps. It is not for everyone but there are gentle methods out there, it doesn't have to include CIO

Do whatever you need to get the most sleep. Don't overthink it.

Lots of kids wake up on and off until
About 4. The 4 month regression is quite shit but if you are still on maternity leave then you can kind of deal with it. Co-sleeping can help them to settle if you do do safely. Their brain develops so much and is quite fascinating to watch. My little one started talking at 6 months, sleep was outrageously bad- 7 or 8 wake-ups a night but she could tell me about the dogs and birds outside

Talking at 6 months? Do you mean via signs? We are teaching hours a few signs to try to ease communication. It is totally fascinating how far they get in a matter of weeks.

She could do some signs but she started with words at six months. Was very average for more physical things but could sit up and chat very young. She only had a handful of words at six months, about six from memory. We did use some baby sign too but didn't really see if being necessary once talking kicked off.