Tell me I’m not the only one!

[lapanda]

I need help.

I am lucky mum to a generally very happy 4 month old baby boy. I hope this doesn’t come across as braggy- I’m just trying to give the full picture. So baby from the start has been great about sleeping at night. He goes right down in his cot (in our room) and usually needs one feed and change in the night. In the early weeks, during the daytime, he would sleep in the Moses basket wherever we placed it.

Gradually though, he started having trouble during the daytime. At about 2 months, he stopped sleeping in the day. At all. That was fun. Fortunately, that didn’t last long, and we transitioned to the baby being able to take erratic and seemingly random naps in the day, but ONLY while being held.

I don’t want to go on and on, but now at 4 1/2 months, baby does not want to be put down in the day. At all. He’s still sleeping great at night, will go right down into the cot, wakes up with a smile on his face....and the smile will stay there, as long as he is being held. The only exception is he does like to go on his play gym mat thingy, and he can entertain himself pretty well on that for a while. Otherwise, I can only get him to nap in my arms. He won’t sleep in his cot in the day, he outgrew the Moses basket ages ago...he will fall asleep on our bed with me next to him or cuddling him but if I try to sneak away when he is asleep, he wakes up within about two minutes.

We’ve tried sleep training; I’ve tried to be consistent with nap times and pre-nap routines. I know his sleep cues, I can get him to sleep really quickly- in my arms. I’ve read books and googled and tried all the suggestions I’ve heard. Sometimes something works- one time.

I cannot seem to find any book or article or thread on a forum with my problem. Usually the problem is the baby doesn’t like to sleep at night or be put down at night or doesn’t sleep at all, etc. I can’t find anything where the baby is great at night, but not during the day. I’ve tried recreating nighttime routine for naps- nope.

A lot of people have told me just enjoy the cuddles, and for the most part I do. I love that he wants me or his dad all the time. However, I do not love listening to him scream himself raw while I put him down to try and make myself lunch while his dad is at work. I do not actually love feeling chained to the couch all day except when he’s on his mat.

He’s such a lovely baby, all smiles and chatter and it’s great. I just want him to take a nap, on his own, so he can get the rest he needs and so I can make myself a damn sandwich without nearly crying myself listening to his guttural screams.

Sorry this is so long, it’s been a rough day. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Hi OP, my dd was like this as a young baby. Have you tried a sling or naps in the pram (walk/rock)? Or hold for 20 mins and then slowly put down?

Hi Pantheon,

He used to like the sling, he would happily sleep in it and I could get some things done around the house, but now he can only stand to be in it for a little while if we’re not moving. If I have him in it when we’re out and about, he likes to look around.

Unfortunately, he is that rare baby who does not fall asleep in the pram. Ever. Sometimes when we’re out he’ll fall asleep in my or my husband’s arms, and we’ll try to transfer him to the pram and keep the movement going, but no, he wakes up. We try taking him out in the pram to just let him look around and get tired, and he does like to look around but he never falls asleep, no matter how tired. Until I or someone picks him up!

I’ve tried many ways of getting him to sleep in my arms and then putting him down; snuggling him up in a soft blanket or one of our shirts that he fall asleep in and then putting him down; lowering him down ever so slowly once he is asleep; lying down on the bed with him and slowly moving away...he always wakes up, and cannot self soothe. He can self soothe in the night, but not the day. I don’t get it!

I feel your pain! We tried everything to put DS down! Some things worked some of the time but nothing really worked consistently until he got a bit older. We ended up spending hours just sitting and holding him and watching Netflix!

A couple of the things that worked a bit more frequently for us were:

1. Putting the seat on the pram instead of the carry cot. Then there is less of a drop backwards as you're putting him down. You can then try and recline it a bit afterwards (if you dare, this often woke DS so we didn't always do it!)
2. Being in a noisy cafe or restaurant - for some reason putting him down in the pushchair worked much more frequently in cafes! I think the noise maybe acted a bit like white noise!
3. Using a white noise machine - didn't work as frequently as the first two but I didn't find it helped.
4. Putting him on his tummy - you might prefer to wait until he gets a bit older to try that one, but this is what cracked it for us in the end at about 8/9 months. We started with putting him on a cushion on his tummy (I suppose that feels like he is still cuddling you) and then progressed to a more flat surface.

@lapanda this is bringing back memories! We tried all sorts. Have you tried a shade over the pram? Bumpy paths seemed to help too! The other thing is, this will pass x

@darceybussell- thanks for your reply! Basically that’s what I’ve been doing, holding baby all day while I watch tv, putting him down when I can!

We did start putting the chair on the pram instead of the carry cot as he didn’t seem to like being flat anymore, he does like to look around! We can get him to sleep while walking around in our arms, but whenever we transfer him to the pram he will wake back up shortly. Sometimes he’ll stay content in the pram for a bit, but eventually we always have to pick him back up 😕

White noise from a background sometimes works, but it’s just pot luck it seems. We have a white noise machine and sometimes he likes it at night, but it doesn’t seem to do anything for him in the day. And yeah, unfortunately he probably he is still a bit too small to be out on his tummy yet, he spends all his time on his tummy trying to roll over onto his back! But something to keep in mind for the future.

@Pantheon- we do have a pretty decent shade and sometimes put a big muslin over to make it darker in there. He does like bumpy paths, but unfortunately they never make him sleep, just keeps him calm in the pram so we don’t have to hold him!

Thanks for the reminder that this won’t last, it’s hard to remember that sometimes. I just would like to be able to put this baby down in the day for a bit! It’s so confusing to me that he can be put down and left to sleep on his own at night, but in the day he needs to be held by someone, anyone, almost constantly. I’m afraid I’m creating a needy baby who will never be independent 😖

Oh and DS never fell asleep in the pram either, once he got tired he just used to cry instead and we would have to take him out. I used to get really frustrated because he was a big baby so using he pram to get him to sleep would have been really helpful as carrying him around was really hard on my back!

Then at around 5/6 months, just as I was getting really cross about it, it started working, and now he falls asleep in it a lot - so don't lose hope just yet!!

Mine will only sleep on my lap or in a moving sling/buggy during the day and he is nearly six months. He used to nap really well in his crib until about twelve weeks but after that he would just wake after 10-15 mins and cry until I picked him up. He sleeps well at night.

Mostly I try and get stuff done when he is awake and in his bouncy chair or on his mat. Otherwise I put him in a soft wrap sling and rock him side to side until he falls asleep, then I can make lunch etc. while he sleeps in the sling.

It does get better as they get older and need less nap time.

Also apologies if you know this but be careful about putting a muslin over the pram in warm weather as it can trap the warmth inside and cause a baby to overheat.

@darceybussell- Yes I feel your (back) pain, it would be very handy if he would sleep in the pram but he ends up being carried and the pram gets used as a shopping cart 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s good to know yours eventually starting sleeping in the pram though, it gives me hope!

@darkstar4855- good to know I’m not alone. I’m hoping this is just a phase, what feels like a loooong phase, and eventually he will get tired enough and just sleep in the pram or in his cot in the day finally.

I don’t get how he doesn’t sleep more during the day as he moves CONSTANTLY while awake, I get super tired just watching him!!

It feels like forever when it’s happening, but honestly, it sounds like you’re tried everything and will just need a few weeks for him to grow out of it.

Babies change so much. My Dd has trouble with naps and sleep on and off since 3/4 months. It’s only now she’s nearly 11 months she is sleeping better and has established a routine.

As annoying as it sounds, it will get better, try to cut yourself some slack with the chores and enjoy the cuddles the best you can! At that age I basically just had to feed DD to sleep then let her sleep on me for naps. Or (if you breastfeed) you could try feeding on your side in bed, that worked well for me and DD just stayed asleep after dozing off. Then I could unlatch her, put some pillows around so she didn’t fall off and try to get a few things done.

My son was a bit like this in the early months. He would only nap on me or in the pram. I used to walk for miles everyday!

But it got to the point where like you I wanted to be able to do a couple of jobs or make something to eat without him crying himself silly.

The things that helped were using a grobag sleeping bag for his naps and for bedtime. Making sure the room was really dark and white noise.

Also just time - in that as time passed and he got older he was more content to nap in his own bed. It started getting easier for naps at around 5.5 months.

It’s definitely nice to know I’m not the only one. If only I could afford a housekeeper and chef, I’m happily cuddle my boy all day. I’m not exactly a neat freak, but I do hate letting all the chores go undone. My husband does a lot, but he can’t do everything, unfortunately.

That’s one thing I haven’t tried, we do use the grobag at night but not for naps, mostly because he always seems so hot. I need to buy a lighter one for summer now anyway, so maybe I will try that with naps.

I know that this won’t last forever, but this is the first real challenge I’ve come up against that seems to have no end in sight! Guess I’ve just been lucky so far! I will keep hanging in there, and look forward to when my little guy can chill out in the pram or actually get himself to sleep in his own bed during daylight hours! Fingers crossed.

Yup DS was exactly the same! I remember spending ages trying to get him to nap anywhere but on me. He eventually would nap in the pram but at about 5/6 months I gave up and just let him nap on me, it was a great excuse to watch some rubbish tv.
He's now 14 months and wage magic ladies at nursery get him to nap twice a day in a cot with no problems. At home he still naps on me or DH (I still use it as an excuse to do nothing for a bit 😂) or in the buggy.
If I could turn the clock back I wish I hadn't been so bothered in the early days about my obsessiveness of getting him to nap.

Yes that is me! I guess my other thing besides not being able to do chores or take better care of myself is the fear that I’m like, enabling him and he will never sleep independently in the day! But hearing about other babies being able to nap on their own eventually gives me lots of hope, and I’m definitely going to try not to stress about it as much. 🙂

You’re not alone. My first was like this and my second is just the same. From months of Googling, I learnt that, thanks to developmental leaps, they learn later on that you’re a separate person and that you can leave them. Also that different areas of the brain control day and nighttime sleep, so perhaps that goes some way to explaining what’s going on, even if it doesn’t solve much. I have the same problem with not being able to put LO down, but this time there’s a 3yo who also needs my attention and wants to play. I have ended up putting the baby down and letting her wake, or simply putting her in the sling and letting her get overtired if she doesn’t go off, if I have other things I really need to do. I don’t have answers, but I’m in the same boat.

Also just wanted to add that my 3yo was like this and landed up with great 2-hour naps. She doesn’t nap anymore but she is an incredible nighttime sleeper. All you’re doing is giving your LO security and love, don’t worry.

I have a similar problem with my DS, also 4 months. He's happy to be put down in his next-to-me crib every morning and self settles for his first nap (which I use as an opportunity to shower, do chores and generally race around like a madwoman... unless I'm really tired and decide to nap myself!) but when I try the same thing at any other time of day he just screams and screams until I give in and pick him up. So the rest of the time he generally just sits and naps on me, with very short breaks when he's on his play mat or in the jumperoo, but as soon as I'm not actively engaging with him the screaming starts again I don't mind too much as DH will usually take him for most of the evenings so I can get things done or have some time to myself, but I've pretty much given up on lunch as a regular mealtime until he (hopefully, one day!!) becomes a bit less clingy. I do try to keep my side table stocked with snacks and refill my Chillys bottle and thermos every morning to keep me going when I'm stuck underneath a sleeping baby though. Sorry this isn't really any help to you and I don't know if/when it'll get any better, but you're not alone OP

Our DS was like this a great sleeper during the night but didn't want to nap in his cot in the day, point blank refused it. We tried everything they tell you to do and I was stressing out about creating 'bad habits' letting him nap on me during the day and feared he would never go down in his cot.
We did what ever worked at the time he napped on us, in the car seat when we were out in the car and in the pram.
Then just like that one day at around 9 months old I tried putting him down in his cot and he just cuddled in to his blanket and went to sleep and we've never looked back since. He's now 2 and actually asks to go for 'a little sleepies' in his cot during the day.
I'm just trying to say that even when you think it's never going to happen it does, when there ready, and all the stressing over bad habits etc is pointless.
Keep doing what your doing and enjoy the cuddles when he's still little 😘

This is amazing. When I originally posted two days ago, I felt so alone but I knew there had to be others out there with similar babies! Knowing I’m not alone makes me feel a ton better, even without a “solution.”

@j1gsaw and @newmum26, thanks for also confirming that this doesn't last forever! And also that just because they were clingy nappers as small babies doesn’t mean they can’t be great nappers later on! I’m glad to know that by giving in and letting the baby sleep on me, I’m not necessarily setting him up for failure in the future.

@rottiemum88, what you described about your side table sounds exactly like me! 😆 Lunch?! At the time when I want to eat lunch? Fat chance!

Looking forward to a day when DS sleeps on his own, but will try to stress less about it now and just enjoy the cute bundle of baby sleeping in my arms 😀