9 months sleep hell

[lottierich]

So I'm at the end of my rope 😢 DS3 is 9 months and a terrible sleeper...everyone in the house is now miserable and sleep deprived, I've no patience for my other children, something has to change 😕 Currently feed to sleep then he wakes 1-2 hourly all night getting progressively harder to resettle as the night goes on...until eventually we give up and DH usually gets up with him about 5am otherwise the crying wakes my 4 and 2 year olds up. The older he's getting the less he feeds to sleep so I figure we might as well tackle it now. But just after anyone's advice/experience...is it going to be best to feed him downstairs in light then put him into his cot totally awake and walk out (returning obvs until he's asleep) or should I feed him in the dark nursery but 'wake him up' before I put him in? Some have suggested sitting with a hand on him until he falls asleep rather than going in/out?? Need a plan.....?! Not very good at tolerating crying, hense why I'm in the predicament I'm in 🙄...so I guess the more gentle approach will suit me better...but then others have suggested that it can go on for hours whereas if I go in/out it's quicker and less painful??...

I suppose it depends on what kind of baby you have.

First if all very few people advocate completely leaving them to cry. Instead go in after 2 mins, then 4, then 6.. briefly shush and leave again. This didnt work for mine, he was hysterical. Instead we did gradual retreat - over several weeks gradually lessening support
However - this may be controversial but u would say you are going to need to night wean first. He is feeding a lot at night a d is used to that. I would slowly replace each feed with a cuddle or however else to get him back to sleep.

It will take a while, there is no quick fix. But there are fixes.

Ps. Sorry my post sounded unsympathetic. Sleep deprivation is hell and I know the feeling of desperation. Mine was 8 months when we gave up and got a sleep consultant. Slow progress but progress so far..

My DS was like this, totally exhausting time.

No magic tricks unfortunately, what we tended to do was get him to sleep by pushing him in the pram, once asleep we didn’t dare move him!

Sending you a hug, and hope sleep improves very soon.

So sorry OP. My son was the name. We co-slept - still woke up but easier to re-settle and everyone got more sleep. Fwiw I found 12 months a turning point and everything sleep-wise really improved.

Morning ladies...thanks for all the replies...it's so tough isn't it! My 1st 2 just naturally starting sleeping more or less through the night from about 6months and prior to that they weren't that bad...didn't realise how lucky I had been 😂 This little chap has been horrendous from day 1...yet he's a chilled out, happy little fella in the day so it's not quite what you expect!
Anyway...I should have said I've more or less night weaned over the last week (unless hysterical)...I hoped this would make him sleep but it hasn't...he still wakes 2 hourly, at best, but now I try not to feed him to back to sleep it can take an hour to get him back to sleep again 😣 He's currently in cot next to my bed overnight but I do put him to bed in his own room and he's generally there from 7-9pm then I move him and go to bed basically (so no evening for DH and I which I personally find isn't good for our relationship either..and another reason I want to 'sort' DS). I'm assuming from reading other threads the problem is the fact I feed him to sleep at initial bedtime? Gradual retreat maybe sounds a good option?...could involve a few 'all nighters' tho I suspect 🙈

Honestly he sounds exactly the same as my DS. I feel your pain.
Once we had night weaned we just resolved to keep it in his own bedroom - we were the same where we were having to go to bed with him because he wouldn't settle and it just wasnt sustainable. We got him to sleep however we had to and then once we had kept him in his own room and night weaned we began gradual retreat.
I'm afraid some sleepless nights will happen. But DS did 7 hrs night before last and he has never done that before.

Oh you give me hope 😘
Ok I think I'll do the same...aim to keep him in his own room tonight whatever it takes 😱
Dare i ask what you did every time he woke? Presume you just picked up/ cuddled/rocked whatever did you? I've beeen leaning across and 'cuddling' DS in his co-sleeper but obvs this won't be an option in his cot in his own room...could push a chair next to it tho?? X

At first we did whatever it took - for us that was bouncing him.
No we are on shushing and patting while he is in his cot.

Ok great...so I'm sort of at the shush/pat stage anyway as he stopped falling asleep feeding overnight for some reason so I just thought might as well might wean.. (although feed to sleep at initial bedtime so I'll stop that). Do you do shush/pat in the cot at every wake? For me this could be 1-2 hourly and might take an hour to get him back to sleep I suspect 🙈 I'm up for it...just trying to gage if that's what I do?!! I'm assuming you do this at bedtime and that's how you've seen some progress and recent longer stretch of sleep? X

Yes he has.never fed to sleep (not because I'm some sort of sleep guru, he just stopped doing it when he was very tiny!).

Try to give him his last feed before your bedtime routine and when it is still bright and noisy. Good luck, it's not easy but whatever anybody tells you (including some pretty unpleasant posters on here) - you havent done anything wrong. This isnt your fault. It's just how he is! But it can be helped xx