If I do this again, how can I do naps better?

[Mississippilessly]

My lovely DS is 8 months. Thanks to a fab sleep consultant we are finally in some kind of routine with naps. Unfortunately they still happen in the car or pram but we have at least some settled times.

I feel like I have spent the last 8 months fretting about his naps. I couldn't work out whether I should just let everything slide and he could nap as and when or I should do everything I could to get him to nap. As a consequence I was pacing round the park with him in a sling for what feels like most of the time. I have cancelled so many events I've lost count but I was constantly trying to work out nap times - 'it's been 90 mins he needs a nap 'he got woken up by a car alarm so he is over tired' 'I cant make it today because DS has fallen asleep in the car and I dont want to disturb him'. I've only done one paid for class because they were just not worth the stress they caused me.
DS stopped napping in his pram after about 7 weeks so sleep didnt 'just happen' like many of my friends babies. I often felt guilty about doing things if I felt he was overtired. Once he went 9 hours without a nap when he was about 8 weeks. He just wouldn't sleep!

This was all because his night time sleep was so shot. I thought if I could get day naps right I could conquer night time.

So looking back I cant help but feel a bit sad. I thought I was doing right by my DS and maybe I was but I just worried about him.he seemed so small and so needing of sleep. I wish I'd just relaxed but I found it hard to. There is also something amazingly peaceful about a baby asleep! I dont remember much of when he was small - but maybe that's normal I'm not sure?!

DH and I would love a second. Not immediately but we dont want a massive age gap. But thinking ahead - how do I relax? I can just see the stress if trying to get a baby to sleep when I already have one baby to look after.

Written down this looks absolutely mad. But it has literally been my life.

Thank you if you've got this far.

I feel exactly the same! Ten month old daughter and I’d love her to have a brother or sister but the worry about having a young baby who doesn’t sleep and a toddler is terrifying. I imagine my days being running up and down stairs trying to rock the baby and see to a toddler who needs entertaining/feeding. I can’t remember the first couple of months as I was so caught up in timing naps and getting things right! Wish I’d enjoyed it more now 😢

It's so hard to know though isnt it? Especially when it appears you dont have a baby who will just fall asleep on the playmat!

I could have written this... my baby wont nap in the cot. She literally goes berserk. She will.nap in the car or pushchair or on me - but sometimes for 7 minutes and then that's it for the day naps. She can literally go all day without sleeping and has done since she was tiny. At 10 months I just think she doesn't need that much sleep.
(No one believed me until my MIL had her and took back her "I will get her to nap" mantra and gave her back to me saying "SHE WON'T SLEEP!". I know, MIL)
However I do wish I had a baby who naps for hours morning and afternoon and IN THE COT. How magical would that be? I literally don't know what I'd do with all that spare time? but as it is I have a little raver who bounces along happily all day.
No advice other than they are all different. And I think some babies are just naturally "good" sleepers and others aren't or dont need the same amount of sleep - sorry to all the smug parents who think they work magic - I just think they got lucky! So you may get a good cot napper next time :)

I spent a lot of time with my first worrying about sleep and naps. I can remember one week where I walked 40km because she would only nap in her pram. At 3.5 she’s still not the best sleeper and is often up a few times, but is on the whole ok. We’ve also used a sleep consultant twice to help improve things.

DS is 1, and it’s been so much easier. He doesn’t sleep either (I just don’t have sleepers) but I weirdly don’t stress about it as much and having done it once, i know it doesn’t last forever. It’s bloody annoying, but it’s ok! I work full time and my husband and I are often up a couple of times each, but we’re surviving. Watching their relationship develop though makes it all worth it.

Am in the same boat.
My boy was an awful sleeper and I spent so much energy trying to crack the naps as I’ve been told that is key to sorting night sleep. He was awful at night but one day he just started sleeping - it was sudden and radical. And his daytime has not changed. He naps only when he is beyond exhausted and in a buggy. In the last 6 months he has napped twice in his cot.

I am hoping my second is a better sleeper but if not then I will just do what I need to to get through. With my son I breastfed on demand etc and i was feeding 7 times a Night and he just went from that to sleeping through in his own time. You say you’re sad about all that energy being dedicated to napping and the restrictions it placed on what could have been a different time. I think That should help you with the next to take a different approach. I believe that you can put everything in place : a semblance of routine, a calm relaxed environment, pay attention to their cues, etc but after that I believe, there is little that can be done (without doing sleep training which involves Crying it out etc). The rest is up to them and it happens at their own pace.
I try and make my you precious time with my baby feel as little like work as possible.

I hope you can relax more. I know how consuming it can be.

Ps. Note my username! I used to fantasise about going to bed for a week!
I’m in Northern Ireland. My health visitor was very useful to speak to about all this too!

Ds was a horrible sleeper from newborn. Only ever cat napped if that until he got to about 11 months He's 4 now and sleeps like a dream.

When I had DD I expected no sleep from the beginning. She was super active in the womb too. However she sleeps better than Ds did

Thanks everyone. I suppose somehow it's about removing the fear, I remember the absolute out of proportion 'oh my God he is awake again!'

At the moment I'm doing both naps in the car. Its not ideal, I spend 3 hours a day on my drive which seems absurd. But at least I get to read quietly. I just cant face anymore bloody shushing and patting...

So I need to get a docs appt for DS. First thought 'it's going to interfere with naps!'
Dont know when I became like this!