How to get DH to help PROPERLY

[ZsaZsaMc]

Our 13 month old has quite erratic sleep, some nights he’ll sleep through and other nights he’ll be up and rally difficult to settle (sometimes teething, sometimes unexplained).

I’ve been dealing with the vast vast majority of wake ups but am now back at work and our baby is still waking.

Anyway, when I get up in the night I make sure he’s properly settled before going back to sleep - sometimes this can take well over an hour. DH on the other hand ‘settles’ him quickly and then back in bed, 5 mins later baby starts crying again.

We’ve had arguments about it because I explain that sometimes it takes more than 20 mins to settle and it still feels like he’s doing a half arsed job and expecting me to pick up the slack.

Also because it’s the middle of the night, DH isn’t aware of the time (I check my phone) so I think genuinely believe he’s been doing it for ages. And also minimises the effort I am putting in.

How can I make DH help more at night?! I am so tired now!

Also fyi no longer breast feeding and baby doesn’t have any feeds at all (will sometimes offer water though)

*any feeds at night!

Baby is of course well fed in the day :)

Alternate nights. You sleep on the sofa one night, he does the wake-ups. He sleeps on the sofa next night.

I second the alternate nights. That’s what we did did when I went back to work with DS. The rationale is that you both get one good night which will take you through a bad one. Both having broken sleep is a worse use of your resources.

Also, get yourself some good earplugs for when it’s not your night.

I agree with alternate nights - or, at the very least, shifts. We divided the night up at 2am and took half each (and swapped halves each night). That way everyone gets a stint of unbroken sleep each night - not a great one, but still. Alternating wake ups as you're doing means neither of you are getting that.