Struggling and on the brink of breaking point

[HKM94]

Hello fellow mumsnet mums 💕 I really could with some advice as I am on struggling and I feel a nervous breakdown coming on 😓 my dd is 6 months old and I love her so much but I just feel I am close to breaking point as she has no schedule for napping, no bedtime routine and she is obsessed with being fed to sleep 😪 I don't know how to break it all, she was doing so well, and we had finally cracked it as she was going down by herself in the cot on an evening and napping during the day for 3 naps but then when I had to have keyhole surgery to remove my gallbladder (gallstones during pregnancy but that is another very long and annoying story) something in her snapped and she has come through with separation anxiety and she will no longer sleep anywhere but next to me and if she does it’s because she has been fed to sleep. I love my DP so much as he is my rock but when he says things like just give her a dummy instead and just bring her into bed with us, I’m like no because you go to sleep and I have to deal with her longer.. I don’t sleep when she is in with us and I have to keep the monitor near me when she is in the nursery because my sister died of cotdeath/SIDS so I check that she is breathing all the time and if my nipple slips out during the night she only wakes up and gets fussy! Last night I went and slept on the sofa in a huff because I just wanted to leave and not be there anymore. I am still within the 3 weeks of my recovery from the keyhole surgery and I feel like my DP thinks everything is okay when it is not, I had a total of 6 gallstone attacks during and after pregnancy so that has been controlling my life for the past 6 months. I went down to my surgery in tears because I worried what if something happened to me and I never saw her or DP again. I feel like she is sucking the energy out of me but I don’t want to stop EBF because she is thriving but I can’t shake the feeling that half the time I don’t know when she is hungry or if she could even get hungry because she is attached that often 😢 I am starting to resent DP too as he never has to ask for me to watch her whilst he goes to the bathroom and he never has to check in with plans when he makes them, he asked if he could go see the new avengers film without me this weekend as he really wants to see it before he comes across any spoilers (it is usually something we do together) I just think he is being incredibly selfish to even contemplate going but If I say no i am acting like I am in charge of him and I don’t want to think that. Please could I have some help or guidance.. it would be really appreciated. Sorry about the long rant 😢💕

Omg some of this I could have literally written myself! Apart from the anxiety as we do co sleep. My LO seems to have had a sleep regression from when he was 5 months (he is 6 months now). But we co sleep and I BF to sleep sideways so get enough sleep to function anyway. And if not I sleep when my DS naps in the day.

My DS always wants me next to him. He's a complete mummy's boy! I also always BF him to sleep. For the past 3 days I've managed to escape from being next to him once he falls asleep and having that little bit of freedom is great (even if I use it to do washing up).

My DH is exactly like yours! And the resentment is real! 😞 I do everything for our DS and have to ask him to do anything for him. I have feelings of wanting to escape. Just go out of the door and not come back for a few days. I've told my DH this and it seemed to scare him a bit. It's made a bit of a difference but I'd be lying if I said enough.

Try speaking to your DP about how you're feeling. And remember your LO won't be a baby forever. That's what I keep telling myself..

Also, have you started weaning yet? I started weaning mine at 5 months at HCP's advice. Now he's 6 months and from BF point it's loads easier as the baby is not attached to you all the time anymore

6 months is still very young. Nightfeeds are still very common at this early age.

I understand your frustration with your partner falling asleep. Breastfeeding can be really hard when it relies on you to do all the night feeds etc...
But don't be disheartened - what you're doing is amazing. And it is s cliche but they are only young for such a short period of time!
My DD is 9 months now. I'm still breastfeeding when I was thinking of giving up as my DD would wake for feeds 5/6 times a night!! It was lonely, I resented my hubby getting so much more sleep! But you know what? I came through it -DD only has 1 nightfeed now and pretty much sleeps 7pm to 6amish.

Try and start a routine going - in the morning wake up and feed then have breakfast...aim for a nap around 2 hours after getting up....
Start bedtime routine from 6pm....bath, boob, bed!!!

All best. And if he wants to see the new avengers film / let him! But say you'd like a few hours off on another day / he can bath and play with DD

mummEE2* I am so glad someone gets it! It’s is so frustrating we got past the 5 month sleep regression and she started to do really well but when I went into surgery it’s like something snapped inside of her (and after having a proper discussion with my DP yesterday in me too where we both kind of clung to each other more) She went down in her cot this morning for a daytime nap for the first time since before my surgery and she screamed for an hour and 15 mins 😰 I felt heartbroken but I don’t want to stop breastfeeding altogether so I just need to break the association between sleeping and feeding.

I think that’s the other thing that the only freedom I get from her I end up using the time to do the ever growing list of stuff I don’t get wrong. DP tried so hard but it just ends up annoying me more.. he said to me the other day why don’t you make me a list of everything you’ve not managed to get done during the day and I will try and get it done when I get home from work.. that just infuriated me more because I was like do I have time to make a list of everything I’ve failed to do, that’s going to make me feel really good 😅

At the movement we are trying baby led weaning and she eats her dinner with us when we are able too or when we are making something she can join in with.

Jennyfirsttimemum* I understand she is still very young but I think because she was sleeping through before my surgery it is not a case of because she is hungry, it is because she has got attached to the boob again.. she’s even started waking during the night now. I want avoid giving in and giving formula but I’m not even sure when the boobs are full anymore because she is latched on so often 😅

I did start a new routine last night- bath, pyjamas, feed, story, bed but it was so hard that all she wanted to do was stay latched on and fall asleep, she then woke up at 9pm and 2:00am (which she hasn’t done in a couple of months) DP then brought her into bed with us which meant she was latched on again till morning (or so it felt like)

I’m supposed to be RTW in July full time and I’m hoping to break all this behaviour by then 🤞🏻

he said to me the other day why don’t you make me a list of everything you’ve not managed to get done during the day and I will try and get it done when I get home from work.. that just infuriated me more because I was like do I have time to make a list of everything I’ve failed to do, that’s going to make me feel really good.

Honestly I think you need to try and let go of your annoyance at this and take him up on it! If he can’t help you with sleep then at least let him help with other stuff so you can have some time for yourself.

Can you let her feed to sleep and then just put her in her cot once she’s asleep? You could go back to trying to get her to self-settle once things have calmed down and you’re a bit more recovered from your op.