6 month old screaming at bedtime

[MeadowDream]

Please be brutally honest with me because I’m out of ideas now! What am I doing wrong?

My DD is almost 6 months old. She’s been a fantastic sleeper since we made it through the 4 month sleep regression at 3.5 months. She has a good routine both day and night, but it’s not too rigid, I am led by her and when she looks tired. She goes to bed at 6pm-7pm, and wakes between 6am-7am. Sometimes 8am. Wakes once in the night for a bottle usually around 4am. She naps 3 times a day. Two longer naps of 1.5-2hrs, and a shorter nap of about 30 mins. Fantastic. I appreciate this is amazing, and I am very lucky.

My issue now is she screams and screams at bedtime. She still sleeps all night except for the one bottle about 4am. She goes straight back to sleep after this bottle. She naps well, though has now dropped the third shorter nap and her two naps have gotten a bit longer (2 hours each usually, occasionally one of up to 3 hours). But bedtime has become a nightmare. She almost always fusses when we put her in the cot, even for naps, and will cry/fuss for a minute but then find her hand to suck (won’t have dummy) and go to sleep. But now at bedtime she screams and screams. It’s taking well over an hour to get her to settle enough to sleep.

I leave her a few minutes to see if she settles, but I can tell by what her ‘cry’ is like whether she’s just fussing or genuinely upset. I go back in and try to soothe her without picking her up, but this rarely works. So I’ll pick her up and cuddle her and she stops crying but starts again as soon as she goes in the cot. This can go on for over an hour. Sometimes I bring her back down again or go into another room upstairs to break the cycle but she’s obviously tired, rubbing her face and showing her other usual signs of being tired. I’m really good at spotting when she’s tired so I don’t think I’m missing it and letting her get over tired.

What can I do to help her? I’m heartbroken with my beautiful baby being so upset. She doesn’t have a bedtime routine as such, just change into pjs, bottle then bed. I’m going to change this up tomorrow and have more quiet peaceful time in her room after her bottle so she knows bedtime is coming. What else can I try?

Teething?

@Whisky2014 maybe... She is definitely showing signs of teething and some slight bulges on front of gum. But I don't know if this would be worse at bedtime? The teething gel does help, but she's not really been bothered by it for about a week now. Though I did put some on tonight in desperation!

She probably isn't tired! She has loads of sleep during the day. Gina Ford says no more than 2.5 hours of daily sleep for 6-9 month old.

Is she going through a leap? Download wonderweek app

Thanks!

@Oct18mummy I wasn't sure about the wonder weeks app, didn't want to pay the money if it wasn't any good. It baffles me because how can it apply to all babies  haha. I'll have a look at it again though.

@Carpetburns she does sleep a lot in the day. Can't argue with that. Some days she sleeps less than others, but she does definitely seem to need it. I'd love to shorten her day time naps, but she's so grumpy when she's tired But maybe I'll try pushing bedtime back a little and see if that helps. She definitely is on the top end of average for the sleep she needs, around 15 -16 hours a day (apparently should be 14-15 hours at this age). I'm hoping this will start to drop soon... 🤞🏻

Thanks for the advice. If anyone has other ideas too I'll be so thankful, I just want to help her!!

My 6 month old has started to do this too. She doesn't nap as much as yours during the day, and doesn't sleep nearly as well at night either, but until the past week or so she has been quite good at settling herself at bedtime with minimal fuss.

Interestingly she's also started to scream at times when I leave the room, and in the middle of the night she wakes wanting a cuddle from me - whereas previously she'd want a feed. I wonder if there's a bit of separation anxiety going on? I'm not sure if there's really a solution to it other than time (as often seems to be the way with sleep issues!)

My boy did this, was horrific literally hysterical for over an hour. No reason.
It stopped last week and he's now sleeping through - no reason just stopped.
He's just learned to stand and crawl so maybe that

My boy did this for an hour every night. Stopped last week - no reason at all. Now sleeps through.
He just started to learn to stand.
Mine doesn't sleep in the day at all 2x 20naps only. So defo not too much sleep for us.

My ds always cried before sleeping,always. He never just nodded off. I ended up thinking it wa just s a combination of tiredness,teething and generally complaining. Crying can just mean "I'm not tired mum, I'm really not,Muuuuuuuum....zzzzzzzzz"

What time does she wake up from her last nap?

I would say maybe slightly shorten her last nap OR give keep her up a tiny bit later. She may just be needing a little less sleep now she's a bit bigger. And then just keep doing what you're doing, going in regularly to soothe her and put her back down awake and leave her for a bit. Repeat as necessary. This is essentially controlled crying which worked for my DS.

Omg thank you everyone! It's invaluable to be able to ask other people who have been through this!

Everything I've googled suggests it's just a phase with no real explanation, but it's nice to be reassured about that from actual people!! I read somewhere as well that they can get like this for about 2 weeks before a major milestone like crawling/walking etc. She isn't even rolling over yet (she could do it, and did it once accidentally, she just doesn't seem to fancy it haha) so maybe this is her milestone??

@Bombalarino I wondered about separation anxiety too, she has got a bit more clingy with me, whereas normally she can take me or leave me haha 😂

@saywhatwhatnow The wake time from her last nap is a constant issue. It's always too early or too late. Usually she wakes up around 3pm. It's a struggle to get her through til 6pm. But not enough time for another quick nap to put her on. I'm reluctant to move bedtime any earlier though, I couldn't cope with getting up at 5am!!

It sounds like it could just be a combination of things and will sort itself out in time. I feel so much better for asking!!

At 6mo mine was still on 3 naps a day although the 3rd one was very short (in the pram, I woke him by 5-5.15pm) and he dropped it at 7 months. In total he was probably having about 3 hours sleep a day and sleeping through. They're all different, it's tricky

Also btw whenever I put bedtime earlier he wouldn't automatically wake up earlier the next day - but it was usually a one-off thing if he woke early from naps. The earliest I put him down was 5.45pm I think, couldn't bring myself to do it earlier!

@Blueberrycheesecake1 it is so tricky! We are all just trying our best, but I never know if I'm doing it right!! She's never liked that third nap really, but she's dropped it herself the last few weeks and seems to compensate by having the two longer naps instead. Unless she gets up very early in the morning then she will have a third nap. This is a pattern she's completely got herself into, I just go with it really. I'll see how she goes today and try and tweak a few things. Maybe I'll try a third nap around 5 but keep it very short. Worth a try 🤞🏻

She does sleep a lot though. Tends to be awake two hours then ready for a nap. This cycle repeats all day. Two hours awake, then two hours asleep. She is always doing something when she's awake though so she is making herself tired, even though she doesn't move unless she has to haha. She plays on her play mat or her jumperoo or ball pit thing. She isn't a baby to just sit and have a cuddle, she is active (or she would be if she'd move much haha)

@Blueberrycheesecake1 I know what you mean I can't bring myself to put her to bed really early! 6pm seems too early to me already!

Whenever I've felt like mine was maybe dropping a nap I would always do that nap in the pram, so if he slept, great, and if he didn't, there wasn't any protesting in the cot. And a walk in the pram is quite restful for them.

I think at around 7 months I started the 2-3-4 routine. So I would put him down for a nap 2 hours after wake up, then wake him after an hour, then awake for 3 hours, then a nap, and wake after 2 hours, then 4 hours to bedtime. Maybe the 2 hours awake times are too short? I transitioned to this via the 3rd nap in pram mentioned above, so he either had a very short one or just a rest. Then I did an early bedtime until I was confident he would be OK awake for 4 hours.

That's a good idea. Perhaps the two hour wake times are a bit too short now, she seems ready for a nap after this time, but I might start slowly stretching them out.

I hate the thought of waking her from a nap though!! But I appreciate this is needed sometimes!

You just think they are in a good routine then they grow and it all changes 😂

I wouldn't say 6pm is early. My 11month old is asleep by 6.20pm most days and sleeps through until 6/6.20am. If I put him down later he still wakes at the same time so I don't bother trying anymore! He's on two naps still of about 1h each, sometimes longer sometimes shorter. Hoping to merge them soon into one long nap but he's not ready yet, always tired by 10am. It's a minefield isn't it!

@saywhatwhatnow it's absolutely a minefield!!

We will see what tonight brings 🤞🏻 got lots of things to try now and lots of ideas. Hopefully this will stop as quick as it started!

Cracked it!! Well for tonight at least. No screaming and straight to sleep at half 6. I cut down her naps down today. She had 1.5hrs then I woke her. Then an hour this afternoon and she woke herself then. Looks like it may have been too much sleep in the day

I tried to do the 2-3-4 as @Blueberrycheesecake1 mentioned but it ended up as 2-2-4. But it worked for her.

Thanks everyone

😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

Don't listen to me! I didn't crack it!!
She went to sleep perfectly. And slept for two hours. Then woke every hour. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

We haven't had a night like that since the 4 month sleep regression. She obviously got over tired. Maybe aim for slightly longer naps today?? Maybe try and get a short third one in?? Maybe just get in laws to baby sit until she's a teenager and spends her life in bed??

Pass the coffee ☕️😑

She's only 6 months, let her sleep when she wants to and feed her in the night when she wants it,all perfect normal this young. Hope you get a chance for a snooze today

@DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen oh the night feeds don't bother me (well they do but you know what I mean haha) it's usually only once and straight back to sleep. I can live with that! It was the screaming at bedtime I couldn't cope with. Think she was under tired then I went too far and she was overtired I'm sure we'll get there before she moves out haha

Oh no sorry to hear :( maybe moved it to 4 hours too quickly? I did it via a shorter and shorter 3rd nap and then when he didn't fall asleep by 5 (in the pram!) I rushed home and did early bedtime.

Sleep deprivation is terrible, it does get better. I now have a 15mo and the length of his daytime nap doesn't matter so much anymore (unless it is cut very short!) - he goes to bed at the same time (7pm) and wakes at same time (6.30am) pretty much every day.

@Blueberrycheesecake1 Yeah i think it was a bit quick possibly. It was awful!! But yesterday was a thousand times better. She still wants a nap two hours after waking and I let her sleep til she woke herself (2hrs) then 2 hrs later she had another 1hr15mins (woke herself) then a short 30 min nap about 1.5hrs later then bed three hours later.

She went to bed no issues at all. Straight to sleep. She did wake a couple of times in the night for a cuddle, which is still unusual for her (but I'm not bothered about that at the minute, could be her teeth or anything really). But amazingly she didn't have a night feed it's been weeks since we managed that.

I feel we have actually turned a corner. I'm not even bothered about a night feed because I know that will drop as she eats more solids, and I'll fight that battle if/when I need to! I'm just so happy that she's not screaming at bedtime