I don’t want to co-sleep!

[Gobletoffire]

My beautiful DS is only 18 days old, so I don’t know if it’s too early for me to be worrying and I’m hoping people can advise me. He is breast fed and won’t settle in his next to me crib. He will nap in the crib in the day, it’s level with our mattress so is just like an extension of our bed but he will not settle in it at night. If we’re lucky he might sleep in there for a couple of hours but then needs a feed and I can’t settle him in it afterwards. He gets agitated, kicks off his blanket and then cries. He roots for my breast even straight after a feed, then if I try and feed him again he just falls asleep on me. We have tried dummies but again this agitates him and he spits them out. But once I put him in our bed (well, on ohr mattress with a cellular blanket over him) he straight away conks out and settles into sleep quickly. I have tried putting him to sleep on a muslin in the crib with my smell on it but that hasn’t helped. He sleeps in a Moses basket downstairs in the day absolutely fine, but again he won’t sleep on his at night. In the day he also has no problem sleeping on me, in his car seat if were out on a drive, or in his pram.
So at night I’m having to Co sleep in order to actually get some sleep. I tried persevering with the crib for the first few days after coming home but I was surviving on two hours of broken sleep a night which wasn’t manageable. The reasons I’m not keen on co sleeping is that I feel on edge all night in case I roll on him or I accidentally pull my duvet up near him. Mother in law has also commented that I’m ‘making a rod for my own back’ and that it’ll end up very difficult getting him out the bed once I’ve started co sleeping. Is this true? Has anyone else Co slept and then successfully managed to get their LO in a crib or cot? I don’t want this to go on forever but I appreciate he is still very very young and probably just wants to be close to me. Thanks x

I co slept with both of mine until I night weaned at around a year. The rod for you own back stuff makes no sense to me and I operated a "do what you have to to survive" policy. Co sleeping when breast feeding meant I didn't have to get out of a warm snug bed to feed and overall meant we both slept much better.

For the safety thing (sorry should have read in more detail) I had a co sleeper cot when my babies were tiny and only had them actually in bed once they were a bit bigger. I picked one up second hand on gumtree and then sold it on after and overall it was cost neutral.

I coslept with both mine for the first 3-4 months and then settled them into a Moses basket and then cot without issues. My first just wanted and needed to be close to me all night and I went with it - my second I just spared myself the stress and expected to cosleep for the 4th trimester. It does not mean forever or even years.

Second time around I actually had a sleeping bag with feet I could easily unzip to feed, but first time around I managed fine with the duvet at waist height and wearing a warm top.

I do think cosleeping can be a lifesaver. The regular wakes are so much easier to survive when you can just get baby latched then close your eyes and doze back off again.

My Grandson lives with his Mum and me (nanny) and we co sleep with him. We did a lot of reading about the safety side of things and adhere to all safety advice. Like yours he would not settle in next to me, Moses basket, we even had a rocking crib. The only way to get any sleep was/ is to co sleep. I know a lot of ppl suggest against it from safety aspect. But it works and when you are sleep deprived and baby will not settle it's a life saver.

I have three grown children. I only ever co slept with one of them the youngest for the same reasons. And at some point she just grew out of it. Needs must. You just have to do whatever works for you! Without feeling any guilt about it. Just make sure you read all the safety advice.

If he's kicking off the blanket have you tried swaddling him tightly. Our baby calms down very quickly when swaddled and it's been a lifesaver for us.

We found swaddling was the key to getting ours to settle in his crib.

I hated cosleeping for the same reasons as you mentioned... However, it was necessary to get sleep! I got him back into his crib at 8 weeks and he's been there since. He's now in his own room, he hasn't been in our bed for months.

Does your DS have reflux? That could make it uncomfortable to sleep on his back.

Don't worry about the 'rod for your own back' at this stage. Yes, if you can avoid something then do, but if it's necessary for survival, you can always break it later!

I'm the same as you op.

Have a next to me crib but lo only wants to sleep in bed with me. I'm not keen as I'm worried of the risks.

TBH, you just need to persevere with the bed and lo will get used to it eventually.

DD started settling in her next to me crib by about 4 week's old. I just had to keep nursing her to sleep putting her on then if she woke, nurse to sleep again then bsvk in bed and just keep doing it until she eventually stayed asleep. Of course there is the odd night when her will is stronger than mine and she Co sleeps.

I find a warm house helps. And leave my arm under her until she settles. Then gently slip it out.

2 ideas
-Could the mattress just be uncomfortable for him if he sleeps ok everywhere else?
-We have the same set up and when I feed DD I feed her lying down when she is in her cot and me leaning in so when she stops I just move over and don't have to move her.

Oh also have you tried a sleep sack. That way baby stays snuggly warm abs doesn't get the shock of going back into a cold bed.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I’ve got a few sleeping bags but on all the tags it says he has to be 8lb 13 and he’s only around 8lb at the moment but I’ll definitely be trying these. We have also bought a Sleepyhead today so fingers crossed this helps. We managed half the night in his crib last night before he wouldn’t settle until he was in bed with me. So he doesn’t reject it completely, I just can’t settle him back in it once he’s awake x

I am in the exact same position as you, our baby is now 22 days old and refuses to sleep anywhere other than our arms so we co-sleep with her. I bought a sleepyhead last week and she seems to like it, although we are only using it during the day as she doesn’t always settle in it and the idea of spending ages getting her to sleep at night then her waking up is awful!!

I’m hoping she will learn to sleep in it during the day then we can start using it at night.. we got some stretchy swaddling blankets as a gift last week too (from Jojo Maman Bebe) that are fantastic. Couldn’t recommend enough! All our other sleeping bags are way too big (she’s only 7lb 1oz) and I’m useless at swaddling.

Fingers crossed it gets better!!!

I didn't want to either but there was no way my DC1 would sleep and I kept falling asleep while sitting up feeding. I looked up the safest way to do it - no duvet or pillow near baby, just me - DH slept in the spare room. She slept with her head innthencrook of my elbow and me curled around her in a sort of c shape. We both slept so much better and it was a life-saver for me. I did persist with settling her in her basket/city for the beginning bid the night and took her in with me at first waking.

We co slept a lot until she was about 8 weeks or so? Then I realised actually she would now go to sleep her her Moses basket after all - probably just a developmental thing. She's now 12 weeks and moved her to a bigger crib and she sleeps in that no bother. Good luck.

I'm still co sleeping at ten months. Wasn't in the plan at all. All this time I've worried about making a rod.. and I couldn't see an end to it. Whenever I said to myself 'tonight will be cot night!' it always resulted in me giving in, saying 'oh stuff it.. just come in with me'. I felt it was more a problem of my own will power and determination, which I had little of, being so tired. I learnt to stop feeling guilty and be kind to myself- it was just so much the easier option.

But the last couple of weeks have been nights of her sleeping in cot until about 2/3am and it's gradually improving. I think she wakes because she knows she'll be fed rather than waking because she's hungry as such.

Making a rod for your own back? In my case I guess it was but I don't regret co sleeping. I think I'll look back on it with much tenderness.

Can you put the Moses basket in the crib next to you if your baby is settled in there during the day? My daughter would only sleep in the bassinet of the pram so that got brought up each night once she settled and slowly transitioned without any issues. Also what I have found helpful is hot water bottle to warm the surface baby is going to lay on, white noise machine, definitely a muzzy with your smell on, unfortunately mine never got on with swaddling but give that a good go.

I was told to co sleep and although I didn't mind for a couple of hours I ended up doing it all night and hated it. Some people can do it but it's wasn't for me.

I hated co-sleeping and never did it. We have thick pillows and duvet and not enough (fro me) safe space for baby.

I had a moses basket right up against the bed, and often went to sleep with my hand in the basket with him. But DO NOT rest your hand on baby's chest if you do that, as when you fall asleep your hand is very heavy on their chest, and they can't breathe.

But you are very early days, and at that point you just go with what works and concentrate on getting good feeding going

Thanks everyone for the advice. Tried the Moses basket inside the crib but he still kicked up a fuss. Daytime he will sleep in anything anywhere, it’s the nights that have been the issue. We bought a sleepyhead and for the last two nights he has slept in it without coming into the bed! He has woken around every 2-3 hours for feeds but has settled back off much much better.