To not sleep train

[georgie262]

Hi
I have three children. I thought that my eldest two slept really well was down to my awesome parenting skills. I was more than a bit smug.
Anyway, my youngest baby is a horror at night. She's 10 months and goes down well at bedtime on her own in her own cot. However, she can wake up anywhere up to 7-8 times a night. Always ends up in my bed. I can deal with the night wakings but she can be awake 3 times before I've even gone to bed and I get hardly any evening.

My questions is to the mums who have had babies who woke up as often as this and DIDNT sleep train.

When did it get better because I'm knackered? Absolutely done in.

At night I try to not feed her back to sleep even though I know it works (I think it was making the wakings worse) but I do rock her and co-sleep.

For us, I’m afraid it was about 4 years for both children. It’s nice to get those snuggles but can be frustrating when you don’t get much child free time.

Sleep training is not something I feel comfortable with or would do. But I do recognise that its probably better for parent and baby in the long term (though bad for parent and especially baby in the short term).

There are no right or wrong ways to parent (unless laws are broken) so do what you feel is right.

My youngest was a terrible sleeper waking every 30 mins. Hes now 18 months and doing alot better he'll sleep through 4 nights out of 7 now so it does get better

@zippey yes, that's what I'm worried about. My friend has an 8 year old who still sleeps really badly I know that's an extreme case but it makes me feel sick thinking about it. I tried a bit of mild 'sleep training' so I didn't pick her up when she woke and just tried patting her back and shushing her and her cries were just so heartbreaking I couldn't do it. She was doing so well until the 4 month sleep regression with just one wake up a night and then bam! She's just got progressively worse since.
@NotSoThinLizzy thanks that gives me a bit of hope 🙏🏻 can I ask did you do anything to encourage her to sleep on her own or self settle?

My eye is twitching as I read, my older two excellent sleepers, but I put them down awake and apart from the odd teething night or illness never really came into our bed.
Our third.... he’s 11 months, while he sleeps lovely he often wakes a couple of times in the evening & twice for a feed.
Im very torn between trying to break the feed into sleep habit or just continuing on until he’s ready...

I have three children now aged 11, 9 and 8. I did sleep training with the eldest, but just let the two younger ones sleep with me. Once they were 3 both were happy to sleep in their own beds. It’s oldest who I did the sleep training with that has trouble sleeping ...I think it causes more issues than it resolves. The younger two learnt to just ....go to sleep

@sauvignonblancplz this is it isn't it - at first I was like well she wants feeding so I'll feed her but it was just making it worse for us. She wasn't hungry she was just feeding as a crutch to get to sleep. It's such a minefield.

@recall that's interesting. I wouldn't mind her coming into bed with us if it resolved the issue but it doesn't really. She still wakes up and requires rocking. She's a massive nighttime fidget too. We have a super king and it's still not big enough for her 😂 I think part of the reason she wakes up so much is because she bangs her head on her cot bars when she's writhing about.

@recall See my oldest is great , he’s 12 goes to sleep no bother, my middle son fights tooth & nail every night both treated the same.
This one I don’t know- I’m scared if I sleep train him he’ll never be able to be rocked to sleep & cuddled . This was the case with my big two, they wanted their cot and space .
I suppose it’s trying to work out what you want most.
I don’t think gently teaching your child to sleep is bad at all or do I think keeping them beside you is bad, it’s where they should be but sometimes we have so many other things that require our attention and that’s the issue .

There is nothing bad about sleeping beside your child. What other mammals don’t sleep beside their young ? Georgie262 if you need to keep rocking her, at least you don’t have to get up and fart about ....just do it whilst you are semi asleep, and no cot bars to bang her head on.

I had three great sleepers and then a horror. He just doesn't like sleeping on his own, I did get rid of the nighttime milk at about 18months though because that was the only way he knew how to get back to sleep so was waking and having sometimes three 8oz bottles a night which was then obviously impacting on food.
He's four now and does sleep better but he still comes in our bed a couple of times a week usually he just snuggles down, sighs and goes to sleep
I'm actually at the point where I don't care where he sleeps as long as he sleeps!
for you it's an absolute killer when they don't sleep.

@recall I know. I'm just blummin knackered and I'm back in work in six weeks and I suppose I just want a magic wand and to watch Derry girls without having to pause it twice to settle the baby 😩

@troppibambini thanks for the 💐 I'm just going to have to get on with it and hope it gets better soon. She more than makes up for it in the day by being super cute and laid back.

@recall There is nothing bad about sleeping beside your child. What other mammals don’t sleep beside their young

I agree 100%

Also ( I’m on a roll now ) ...you have three children ...you are insanely busy all day...what a lovely chance to spend so much precious time cuddling your 10 month old...she will be in bliss. These years are over so fast. That can in no way be bad

You are going to be knackered either way ...may as well be knackered but stay in bed. Is Derry Girls good ? 🤔 might have to watch that.

It will get better! If you think she is waking herself up bumping her head, could you move her into something bigger? Mine went from cot to bed (with bed guard) at quite a young age, because they seemed to love the space. Both slept better when they were in beds. In fact they are lucky because they both have double beds now the are a bit older! It also meant if they called for me in the night, I could climb in with them and get more sleep or slip in for a bit, and then slip back out into my own bed if it felt like I could get away with it.

if you're going back to work you need to get this sorted, though, surely? You can't do your job properly if you're knackered. Which might mean sleep training, which is not the end of the world if the end result is everyone gets a decent night's sleep.

DS was the same, he was still waking almost every hour in the night till 19 months when we cracked and sleep trained. It took 3-4 days and honestly, I wish we'd done it sooner! DS is no longer shattered and cranky, we get to sleep - it feels like our lives have been literally transformed! We did the big standard controlled crying (2 mins, 4 mins, 8 mins, then every 15 mins) and only got to 15 mins once on the first night. You don't have to do it, but be aware it might take a long time to resolve itself without sleep training.

@recall oh god it's brilliant! I'm not Irish but went to an all girls convent school in the 90's and it's gloriously nostalgic. And so funny.

@HavelockVetinari I'd done a bit of moaning to some of the mums on the school run and they said exactly that. Wish they'd done it sooner. I don't morally object to it, I think as long as you're responding to their needs at other times It's just so hard listening to her cry. I feel like my nerves are shot and co sleeping feels like the path of least resistance at 1 am 😩 I honestly don't know what to do .

@WeepingWillowWeepingWino I think I'm going to trudge in for another month. (We might still be in a 10 month sleep regression) and then reassess.

I think you have to think of it (and this is true, at least!) that it's short term pain for long term gain. Bottom line is both you and your DD need your sleep. When we sleeptrained DD we never left her for more than 5 mins, that was my red line.

Sleep is a need, and sleeptraining is responding to that need. Children who are sleeptrained are not children whose needs are ignored - I think that rhetoric is very unhelpful.

x post!

If DS did wake up I didn't rush to get to him just waited to see if he was really up or just shouting at nothing then fall back asleep. Also if I'm close when he does wake I can usually shush him back off but i do think it's mainly just DS getting older and learning it

Aw, it is incredibly hard hearing them cry, but it's only for a few minutes for a few days. You and your DH both need to be on board with it though, so you can be strong for each other when one of you is weakening. What helped me was thinking that if I gave in now, all the misery DS had been through in the last ten mins or so would be for nothing. DSis (consultant paediatrician) told me that some kids need to be taught to settle themselves to sleep, they don't just automatically know how to do it. She said controlled crying is perfectly safe and recommended it to us from about 7 months - I bloody wish we'd done it then!