5yo won't go to sleep by himself

[Cerseirys]

DS has been a bad sleeper from day 1 and I did whatever was necessary so that both he and I could sleep - cosleeping, feeding to sleep, staying with him til he drops off. But I've now had enough - with the clock change he's taking extra long to get to sleep and it's exhausting. If we leave him he either screams til we come up or gets up and comes to find us.

I know it's my own fault for letting this go on as long as I have but I just wanted an easier life after a long day at work. Any tips on getting him to settle himself at this late point? I should add that on the rare occasion his gran looks after him she says goodnight and leaves the room and he then drifts off by himself.

First off don't be hard on yourself. We've all been there. You do whatever you need to do to get some sleep.

Have you tried leaving a lamp or night light on for him?

Ultimately though I think you have to be cruel to be kind. Sit him down and explain that he's too old to have you lie next to him etc and that from now on you'll have a quick cuddle and then go downstairs. You'll have to do a few nights of returning him to bed a fair few times, but don't crack. He needs to understand you mean it. He can obviously do it, he just knows that he'll get his way with you.

We've just taught our 6 year old to go to sleep by herself as I used to always stay with her thinking it was easier to do that. I made up a simple sticker chart and gave her a little reward after 5 nights of going to sleep alone. We played the 'kissing game' so basically lights out and a cuddle/kiss goodnight then I would go back in every minute or two and give another kiss until she was asleep. No talking just a peck on the cheek. It worked really well and now I just need to be upstairs reading or putting away washing etc and she is satisfied with that and goes to sleep really quickly. Good luck.

We live in a flat so we'd literally be in the next room to him but he still gets very upset if I leave him. In the past there's been a few nights where he's drifted off by himself but it never lasts long. Or we'd think he was asleep in his bed and then find he'd dragged the duvet and pillow off the bed and was sleeping near the door so he could be closer to us! He loves stickers though, so a chart is a good idea...

Try moving away from him gradually then? One night you are at his bedside, the next nearer his door, then at his door etc? Making the moves very small but rewarding each stage with praise or a sticker

I told him this morning he needed to start going to bed by himself. He wasn't happy but peeled up a bit when I mentioned sticker charts! School holidays are coming up and DP and I have time off work so we're determined to sort his sleeping routine in the next 2 weeks!

We’ve been through this recently with our ds5.

We reintroduced the baby monitor and I told him I can hear him and rather than him getting out of bed or screaming and crying he can just call out on the monitor and I will talk back to him. He did abuse it to start with, there was a lot of conversation back and forth till he finally fell sleep. Then it gradually went to once or twice a night calling out normally around 3am. If he ever got out I would take him back and remind him and show him the monitor is on so no need to come in to me just talk (quietly) to me on this.

I then got an empty jar and put “ money jar” and told him he gets one coin for stopping in bed and one coin for not calling out and once the jar is full (half full to begin with) we can go toy shop. He took to this a lot better than a reward chart.

We went to the toy shop last weekend and now his jar is empty again and so far he has stopped in bed and not called out this week as he tells me he wants more money for more toys.

Bribery is the only way!

Well an update. Monday night I told him he had to sleep by himself and put a night light on and he was quite amenable and drifted off by himself. Last night I tried the same thing but alas lightening doesn't strike twice! He didn't complain when I left the room but came out about 15 mins later so I put him back into bed, then came out again after about half an hour and DH waited with him a bit and then he settled himself. So let's hope tonight goes well. He's been promised Lego if this works!