I can't do it anymore

[Albamahanna]

I can't do this anymore
I have been lying next to my 5month old for two and a half hours trying to get him to sleep. I feel like I'm having a break down.
He has never slept longer than two hours so we have been trying to help him get to sleep without feeding for the past month and it's not working.
I try to follow a nap schedule in the day but I have a toddler so this doesn't always go to plan
I am so miserable. I feel like my relationship is over because we never see each other as we take it in turns to sleep with baby. I have never been so unhappy.
I'm a shit parent as I'm not even that tired it's just that I can't cope with this.
Most people are horrified by how much he wakes, but others tell me there child was the same until they were four or five. I cannot do this for another four years. I don't know if I can even do it for another four days.
I am absolutely miserable and I can't do this any more. I miss feeling happy and not dreading every single night
Don't know why I'm writing this but it's pointless telling my partner as he doesn't get it so I guess I'm writing to vent while I cry next to my baby who is now asleep on me but only because I ended up giving him another bottle and holding him to sleep thus making sure he will cry for me again when he wakes in less than two hours time
I just can't do this anymore

If he is eating so much in the night some of it must be hunger. Can you increase day feeds - this is more likely to help than weaning as this can often set back their sleep.

It is so hard - my first woke every 45minutes for a while.

However it is normal for a baby to night wake and need night feed for way past 6 months regardless of what people might say their baby is doing.

Hang in there!

We hired Little Sleep Stars, a Sleep consultant. I couldn't do it any more and I wasn't being the mum I wanted to be. I tried sleep training on my own but didn't have the willpower to go it alone - I needed someone to hold my hand. Her methods were really gentle and I never left him alone to cry. It improved drastically within three days. No one can tell you what is right for your family but as a PP has said - it's ok for you to have needs too.

I remember looking st my son and thinking 'I don't love you' and that's when I knew I needed help!

Thank you for your replies, I have been reading them and it's really helped me.
I read lots of threads where cosleeping is suggested, mums tell tales of how terrible their sleepers were but they seemed to cope easily and we are told to cherish them while they're little and enjoy the night time cuddles. I feel dreadful because I can't do that, I need my own space for my own sanity. Even if I could sleep easily and catch up on sleep during the day I am not sure it would be easier as I find it much more difficult mentally than physically.
I tried cosleeping last night and it did not help him settle in the slightest so at least I know that's not a fix. I will have to try sleep training or I might have a break down. I'm trying to reduce what I give him during the night now, slowly but surely.

Thank you for helping me feel less alone

Hugs for you OP - you are very much not alone. Your wellbeing matters in this, it really does. Please try not to measure yourself against some projected version of how other people appear to be coping on a forum. I promise you lots of other women cry at 4am - I'm one of them

Hi OP I just wanted to send you a big hug! You can do this hun, my 3 month old isn't a great sleeper either and I often get upset at night time because I know what's to come, I also suffer with insomnia too I sleep for about an hour each night and then live off energy drinks during the day to function
Your not a bad mum, you sound amazing! A bad mum wouldn't be posting on here looking for advice, I get plenty of help from family & still struggle it's a massive adjustment....I co slept with mine for the first 2 months, have you ever heard of a purflo nest? I got one and it was a godsend still is, they can't roll out of them and they are 100% breathable

https://www.boots.com/purflo-breathable-nest-elephant-10255291?cmmmc=bmm-buk-google-ppccPLAsAs--(GB:Whoop!)+Purflo---(GB:Whoop!)+Boots+Shopping+-+Category+-+Baby+-+Mobile&utmsource=bmm-buk-google&utmmmedium=ppc&utmcampaign=(GB:Whoop!)+Boots+Shopping+-+Category+-+Baby+-+Mobile&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzqqgyN204QIVT7vtCh03hwOtEAQYBCABEgKevDD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Just wanted to say. Your a fantastic parent . We all have our dark times in motherhood . You are not a failure sweetie. Your a mother getting through another day . Big hugs to you . Speak with midwife /HV they could advise you X

How're you getting on OP?

If I was to sleep train I don't know what I would do about feeding him in the night? I wouldn't want to cut out all feeds as I don't know if he would manage when he is used to drinking so much.

Sleep Lady says that a healthy baby aged 6mo and born at term should not need to eat overnight unless there is a medical reason. I tend to agree.

Can you stick it out for another month or two, get your baby established on solid food, and then night wean? Food won't magically make him sleep longer but it will give you the psychological confidence to refuse the breast at night.

I used the method of feeding fewer and fewer minutes each time over the course of about four days, then cut off altogether (to give the baby a chance to start increasing their calorie intake during the day to compensate). There was some crying, but less than you would expect. He will manage, OP, seriously! Some babies sleep through all night from a few weeks old, they don't starve! They just eat more in the morning to make up the difference.