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Sleep

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Original poster

Gentle retreat success stories

15 replies

Firefly92 · 26/03/2019 04:33

Hi all,

Tonight is night one of trying gentle retreat under the guidance of a sleep consultant to try and stop cosleeping and feedingto sleep.

It's currently 4.30am and I haven't slept yet, lo has only been rocked to sleep for 1 hour chunks. Did anyone else have similar at the start? Looking for success stories and inspiration to get me through!

OP posts:

Sarahjanechudasama · 26/03/2019 06:10

Hiya there! Im having similar problems with our 2 1/2 year old girl. I am currently 5 months pregnant so weve recently moved her out of her cot (and room) and into her newly painted pink room with a big girl bed in it. In her cot she slept like a dream 7pm-7am no problem.

Shes been in her new room about 6weeks now and she is happy to go to sleep in her room but she wakes up 3am screaming like clockwork. 3am-6am is nightmare time for us. She just screams. She has a babygate on her door so we have tried sleeping in bed with her and moving out when she asleep, tried leaving her to cry, tried talking to her calmly. Nothing seems to work and im sure our neighbours are close to reporting us because of the screaming haha

As i said we have a baby on the way in july and i dont want to let her come in to our bed becaue when baby is here - 4 in a bed just isnt ideal.

Im thinking of getting intouch with a sleep trainer, i think we are doing something wrong.

Any recommendations for a UK based sleep consultant

Laur2017 · 26/03/2019 07:47

@Firefly92 how old is your DC?

TeaPleaseBob · 26/03/2019 08:38

I’ve just started something similar with my 9 month old daughter. We’re doing a gradual retreat and I’ve stopped feeding to sleep and night weaned her (she’s breastfed and I’ll contibue feeding her through the day).

Last night was the third night of feed, book, cuddles and then going into her cot with me sitting beside it. I’ve been reassuring and patting her/ encouraging her to lie down etc. First night took 45 mins and some angry shouting from her to settle, second 25 mins and last night was 15/20 mins. All three nights she’s been quite easy to settle on night waking with the same reassurance from cotside and patting. I’m not picking her up out the cot as she’ll just expect a feed and it seems cruel. The first night she woke briefly twice and settled in 5 mins or so. Last night she was unsettled 3-4am although I think who’s was due to my husband snoring and waking her just as she settled herself (she has to share our room for another few weeks until we move house so not ideal).

I’ve been pleasantly surprised how easily she’s taken to it. The crying can be upsetting but it really is angry or tired crying not sad. She’s definitely getting used to the idea of going to sleep in cot although stilll sits herself up when she wakes and struggles to then lie herself down. Today we’re going to play games/ sing songs that involve lying down so she can practice.

I slept with a small soft toy incase she wanted that for comfort but she ignores it and seems happier humming and playing with her ear to get to sleep.

Tonight I’m going to move from the cot side to the doorway and reassure from there. Will do that for 3 nights then move to hall. Think tonight might be tough as I’ll not be right there but hopefully she’ll settle fairly easily.

Original poster

Firefly92 · 26/03/2019 09:33

He's just turned 7 months, so still quite dinky

OP posts:

Original poster

Firefly92 · 26/03/2019 09:45

@TeaPleaseBob
Thanks for the hope! We were pleasantly surprised by how well hubby and I handled the crying, it's just the frustration of being positive he's dead asleep, waiting 10 mins, then putting him down only for him to wake and cry 45mins later just as I'm trying to settle myself to sleep.
He resettled fine, except when he was actually hungry, but then woke really soon.

Here's hoping for some longer stints as he gets used to it- he had a 3 hour nap this morning catching up on sleep

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Original poster

Firefly92 · 26/03/2019 09:48

@Sarahjanechudasama

Sounds like it's very tough trying to do this and being pregnant too! We were put in touch with a sleep specialist through our health visitor so I'm afraid I can't help with recommendations.

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TeaPleaseBob · 26/03/2019 10:09

@Firefly92 how old is he?

I genuinely believe it’s the letting my daughter settle in the cot that’s made a difference to us. Feeding to sleep used to work when she was younger and she would be put back into cot no problem. Recently she’s woken when put down and needed cuddles/ rocked to sleep then as you say wakes not long after going into cot. That’s why I decided to help her fall asleep in cot without rocking etc...

I’ve been making sure she has 4 breastfeeds (first thing in morning, after morning nap, after afternoon nap and before bed) and 3 good meals so I know she’s not hungry overnight. Before we started this her night feeds were more for comfort as she barely took anything before falling asleep again. I still doubted myself last night and if she’d been awake mich longer would at least have offered water incase she was thirsty.

It’s just so hard knowing what to do for the best. I’m starting back at work in few weeks though so others need to be able to put her to bed and I work nighshift sometimes so won’t always be here for feeds through the night.

Original poster

Firefly92 · 26/03/2019 10:55

@TeaPleaseBob

My lo is 7 months old, and I know what you mean about it being hard to judge. He's not really got the hang of solids yet, and still has a few genuine feeds in the night which makes it so hard to separate hunger from tiredness. Doubly so as he's had a tongue tie snipped a few months ago socks still learning to latch properly, which was the root of a lot of our sleep problems in the first place

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TeaPleaseBob · 26/03/2019 14:32

@Firefly92

7 months is still quite little and my daughter was definitely still taking proper feeds at that age. I’d say it’s only past 3/4 weeks that she’s changed to comfort feeds rather than actual feeds.

NewAccount270219 · 27/03/2019 08:43

How are you getting on? We don't have a success story yet but we're starting a sort of gradual retreat method (as planned by a sleep consultant) with our nearly 9 month old on Friday night, so we're hoping to have one!

Original poster

Firefly92 · 27/03/2019 11:58

It's only been two nights, but we had him down in 20 mins, then a good 4 hour block of sleep at the start of last night which is the longest he's ever slept. It went a bit downhill from there, but it's progress!

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NewAccount270219 · 27/03/2019 12:45

Glad to hear you're having progress! I'm feeling very nervous about it and keep questioning myself. It didn't help that he slept 'well' last night because he had his normal two hours refusing to settle and crying from 10-12.30 rather than the small hours (much easier) and then slept until 5.15, so a long stretch for him. The few nights before that it was hourly wake ups so it was easier to see that it was just not liveable as things stood, so now I'm questioning myself

NewAccount270219 · 27/03/2019 12:46

Reading that back I can see how distorted my definition of sleeping well has become!

NewAccount270219 · 30/03/2019 22:00

How is it going, firefly? We're on night two now...

Curiousdad18 · 31/03/2019 12:41

We're not doing gradual retreat but what has really helped is me (DH) doing all naps and bedtimes and settling her in cot from being awake. Our DD is 15 months and had always fed to sleep until a month ago. DW and I had lots of arguments about sleep training, controlled crying, bottles etc. but in the end neither of us has the stomach to do very much.

I have DD two days a week and for last month have been doing all her naps with no bother. Last night she slept from 12 to 6 (we thought it was 7 but clocks went forward!) which is longest she's ever gone. I'm more relaxed now about her sleep as I can see she is improving with time and can more easily self settle. She's always slept relatively well - if your LO does not and sleep deprivation is severe then sleep training is probably the right thing.

Hopefully not jinxing things by posting!

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