co-sleeping with 2 week old, good/bad idea? advice please

[mrsmo]

hi there everyone. as a first time mum could do with some advice. dd arrived 37 weeks and in hospital 9 days with jaundice having phototherapy which was traumatic for her as in a box all the time and being given formula with a syringe in addition to my breast milk to knock her out so she'd stay in lightbox! Now we're home I can't get her to sleep in moses basket at night. She's only 6lbs and so too small to wear a sleeping bag and she's the most 'wiggly' baby anybody's ever seen so no matter how you cover her she kicks the covers off. I believe she won't settle in basket at night because she's cold. noticed when I feed lying down with her on bed goes to sleep really easily and so after 12 days of no sleep let her stay in with me and dh after lying down feed. Did same last night and she slept from 9pm till 8am this morning waking twice for a feed. My only worry is that I'm creating a monster who won't sleep alone!! Am I doing the right thing? Should I wrestle with her to sleep in her moses basket or at two weeks does it really not matter? The midwives say it's fine and I shouldn't worry but I'd never envisaged her sleeping with us and I'm worried that it's safe/healthy for her and that I'm not making a decision based mainly on sleep deprivation!!

I don't think you need to worry at this stage. Our DD was like that too, and the only way to get any sleep was to take her into bed with us. We gradually moved her out of our bed as she got used to sleeping in the moses basket / cot during the day. I am thankful for this as she is still really wiggly, and we wouldn't get any sleep if she were in bed with us!

I only usually sleep with my 5 week old DD in the bed after her feed at about 5am, but leave her on top of the duvet with a pillow under the duvet to stop her rolling off the bed, and i've not done it with DH in the bed.

There are lots of women who co-sleep on here so someone will be along to give you some advice soon .

have you joined a post-natal club?...there are lots of mums with bubs the same age going through the same things together and its really supportive.

At two weeks it really doesn't matter. We did this, made a clear space on the bed with no pillows etc, that's the important thing, no duvets or anything. DS slept and fed really well throughout the night.

Mrsmo, congrats on your brave little girl, first of all

If you are worried about her long term sleep, stop worrying.
Enjoy the co-sleeping, it seems to suit your family ok, non?!

Just make sure you follow the health and safety advice on co-sleeping
(don't get drunk, don't smoke - neither your dh if he shares bed with you)
and you should be fine.

You can always review the sleeping arrangements
3\6\9\18 months down the road.

My DD has been sleeping with me since she arrived 17 weeks ago, and also won't sleep in her cot. My DH doesn't sleep with us because he flings his arms around in his sleep and I was convinced he'd end up hurting her.

Mine sleeps up against me under my duvet, which isn't recommended, but seems to be working for us. I did find right from the beginning that although I put her on the other side of the bed she always ends up pressed against me!

If you are happy sleeping with her and she sleeps well, don't worry about it. The time to move her is when you don't want her there.

Congrats
I think you should be careful. There are some dangers for your baby when they sleep with you. Pillows, blankets, pillowtops, have all been known to cause suffication. So make sure you remove dangers and have a firm matress.

You may consider a basinet beside your bed.

co sleeping is lovely. your baby wont be as small as this for long. take baby in beside you, and enjoy it. make the most of it while they are so small and all they need is to be beside their mummy.

Hi mrsmo,
Sounds familiar! We co-slept with ds from birth as he couldn't sleep any other way (bad colic and generally v unhappy little baby). Echo what others have said, so long as you are eliminating suffocation hazards (we ditched the duvet and use sheets/blankets) it is not dangerous to her. In fact her breathing is supposed to be better next to her mum and there is a lower rate of SIDS from co-sleeping (in bed NOT, REPEAT NOT sofa - co-sleeping on sofa is vvvvvvvvv dangerous to baby).
My personal feeling is that there is no safer/more natural place for a little baby to be than next to their mum and I am a complete convert to co-sleeping; tbh I now think it is down-right weird NOT to have a tiny baby sleeping with its mum!
Congrats and all the best!

PS though - A year on and ds is still in with us!! (but that's cos we are all happy with it so have no desire to change the situation)

I co-slept with all mine and still do with ds2 (6 months). Dd was 36 weeks and stayed in scbu for a week and was 5 lb 14 and a half at birth. She dropped to 5lb 10 when we brought her home and we co-slept just fine with her. We co-slept until over a year but they were happy to go in their own cotbeds/beds/room when we made the transition.

I have read soo many good outcomes from co-sleeping which is fab BUT I do feel I have to share with you the experience of my friends bil/sil
They co-slept with thier ds (now 3 ish?) and at first it was the best solution as he didn't sleep in his cot.

Unfortunately they didn't seem to have a plan about when this was to end as he is now 3 and will not go to bed unless they are there too -10pm, though can be later. He literally hyperventilates at being put into his own room and even the 'professionals' are a little amazed at how stressed he can get.

What I'm saying, I think!, is that your dc deosn't want to sleep in her cot atm okay but I think you need to think od when you would like her to be. You may feel more willing to tackle this at a later date as you are still wanting to be close to her due to her dramatic entry!

Before giving birth I was completely against the idea of co-sleeping HOWEVER two nights after my ds was born I ended up with him in bed with me in hospital as that is how I could get him and me some sleep. It felt like the completely natural thing to do at the time. I believe that it helped clearly establish night and day for him and he has been a good sleeper ever since.
I was careful to keep on trying to put him down in his cot so he became used to it so he probably never spent more than 3 nights in a row co-sleeping with us. I found it a mixed experience, in that it is lovely to have him snuggled up next to you but I found I didn't sleep very well as I was worried about me or dh rolling on top of him. Plus, he is also a very kicky baby so it was quite disruptive and I got to a point at about 6 or 7 weeks when I wanted the bed back for me and dh. The transfer at that stage into his cot was really easy and we haven't had him back in bed with us since except when he had lots of vaccinations at 2 months and he was feeling a bit poorly.
I think you will instinctively know when you are ready to move him to his cot but don't worry about forming bad habits at such a young age.

to OP

we co-slept for the first 6-8 wks
she would nap in cot and pram with no problems

dd is now 2.1 and although she sometimes comes to our bed if she wakes up during the night, she always goes to sleep in her cot and has always done so.

i enjoy co-sleeping as i found it reassuring, we bought a huge bed for this purpose.
you need to take safety precautions but otherwise i had no worries.

and btw dd came in at 40wks but was also jaundiced and had lightbox horrid thing therapy

just do has you feel right there is plenty of time to settle into other arrangements, they change so much over the first year go through so many different stages/ needs -enjoy

if you're all happy with it and all getting more sleep then definitely go for it and just enjoy this time

agree with everyone else, there is plenty of time to re-assess the situation as the lo gets older and I'm sure you'll know when the time is right to put her into her cot

I think sleep deprivation is an excellent reason to take up co-sleeping! Anything that works to make you less tired must be good. I co-sleep with my 12 mo and although it has its problems (he sleeps very badly in the evening until I go to bed) at least I feel like a normal person during the day.

hello mrsmo & congratulations. don't worry about cosleeping as long as you take proper precautions. keep baby well away from any pillows, make sure you are at outside of bed, no space between bed & wall if baby is next to wall, NO smoking, don't cosleep if you've been drinking or if dp has been drinking & shares a bed with you. wear enough to bed yourself that you don't need a duvet & baby won't get covered up.

i decided to cosleep with ds i found the experience wonderful. ds slept better, as did i & was wonderful for the bonding experience. happiness is a warm snuggly baby latching on at 3am then dropping back off to sleep again without ever opening his eyes. ds is now 1yr. sleeps in cot from approx 8pm til 12-1am, wakes up, comes into bed with me & sleeps til i get up for work. cosleeping = better rested mummy = happier mummy = happy baby.

enjoy your baby and enjoy the special time you have together when all the rest of the world is asleep.

I would just be too afraid of the smothering aspect, especially when you are so tired. Then, later on, as I have watched a friend struggling to get her three year old out of her bed, that makes me glad I didn't. However I know it works well for lots of people and it is hard when they are so tiny to put them in somewhere that is so cold. Two things that may help her settle in her moses basket are warming it for a couple of mins with a warm (NOT HOT) water bottle before you put her in (obviously removing it then) the other thing I did was to sit (!) on a muslin while I was feeding dd then transfer it to the moses basket just before I put her in so the basket was warm and smelled like me! It did seem to help. Good luck whatever you decide

muppetgirl: afaik the sleep problems you mentioned your relatives having tend to occur when parents initially intend for their children sleep in a cot. they only tend to use cosleeping as a temporary 'solution' to the 'problem' of bed or bedtime. they then try to return the child to the cot when they hope/think the problem is solved. Scientists who study infant/parent sleep behaviours call this reactive cosleeping. They find that parents for a myriad of reasons are unhappy with the arrangement and for different reasons so is the child. The behaviours you mentioned in typical of children's reactions to sleeping alone in a reactive cosleeping environment.

the other type of cosleeping (non reactive) is where parents choose to sleep with their children be it from subscribing to a particular parenting philosophy
or from cultural upbringing. they expect their babies to be in bed with them and do not set a limit on how long the child will stay in bed with them. In this scenario, parents find that bedtimes do not create the sort of problems you mentioned and that the children are usually ready to leave the parental bed anywhere from 2 - 5 yrs old.

Interestingly, in cultures i know of where the sexes are strictly segregated, a rite of passage from young boys tend to have them leave the women's sphere of influence around the age of 5 to join the men's compound. That age unsurprisingly also allows for natural weaning from the breast.

I'm co-sleeping with my nearly 3 week old, but only so i'm not so sleep-deprived- he sleeps longer with me than in his basket, although i don't sleep so deeply. I did the same with DD until the HV advised to get her back to her basket, for safety reasons, probably at around 5 weeks. And she's an excellent sleeper so no long-term effects, although we would get her to sleep in her basket in the day.

DH sleeps in spare bed and I don't like to co-sleep with him in bed as I've heard mums do sleep lighter and are aware of baby is. At least he gets a good sleep so not as grumpy in the day.