Preschooler shattered, need advice

[Pixiedustandluck]

My lo is 3.5 year old and started preschool in January. The only times available were afternoons. The times are 12:30 and pick up is 3:20pm, since starting my lo has been absolutely shattered and by the time we get home, within an hour is asleep for a LONG nap. Before preschool she had no daily naps and was asleep by 6:30pm till 7:30am. But now she has to nap, otherwise she will quite literally,take herself onto the sofa and nap, this is around 4:30pm, I try to wake her after 30 mins and then an hour but she goes straight back to sleep and won’t wake until 7:30pm sometimes 8:30pm. Which now means she is then awake till around 1am, I’m absolutely shattered and have no idea what to do. Any advice would be amazing, especially if you have been through similar.
Also, lo has been dry since 2.5 throughout the night and day. But for the last two weeks has wet the bed almost every night, again any advice would be amazing!
Tia x

Speak to preschool about getting her out at 2.00 for a while. If you can that is...if you work it's more complicated!

Or, consider having a solid week off to get her back on track...this rut you're in is part of the problem as the more she doesn;t sleep till 1.00am the more tired she;ll get.

How is she coping with nursery? My Dd also started in January and was exhausted, but I felt this was the emotional impact more than physical as she was used to much busier days prior to nursery starting. She regressed in potty training too and had some unbelievable tantrums that I’d not seen the like before. I think we can easily underestimate the huge deal it is for them to be venturing into the world by themselves for the first time. Just thoughts, I wonder if attending to emotional needs may help. DD didn’t need to nap like yours tho but is now noticeably a lot less tired a couple months in and will come to us talking about how she felt shy, how she missed us, who she pushed etc, and it seems trying to discuss all the big feelings about interpersonal stuff is important.

However this sounds also just in large part a practical issue and like pp said maybe taking steps to halt the pattern is needed.

Thank you both.
So today she went back to her normal routine, up early in the morning, went to visit some of her cousins who are weeks apart from her age. Went to the park and then arranged for one of her cousins to stay the night, no nap at all today and was fast asleep by 6:45pm.
She really enjoys school, I’ve asked her key worker who has said she has no problems at all, has a certain click of friends and seems happy about going to school, so I’m not sure if it is an emotional reason.
@merename what did you do that you found helped with your lo also are they similar in age? Tia

Also I should say lo is very vocal about how she feels. Thankfully she always has been and we regularly discuss how she feels regarding school and if she enjoys it, whether she is shy etc etc. To which dd always reply’s I want to go to school and I’m not shy mummy lol. So I think or hope that if she did have an concerns she would definitely tell me.

That’s great normal routine today, maybe you just have to work really hard to keep it going now. Although interesting it’s on a day of no preschool.

She may be nothing like mine, but DDs keyworker also says she’s fine, settling well, and she’s rarely struggled to part from us other than the odd ‘can you stay for five minutes’. But we just know she’s not been, and the more we’ve explored the feelings and talked about how it’s normal to feel shy etc, or about other children having their own ideas - this concept is blowing her mind haha - the more has come out. Like one tantrum about something apparently unrelated, she eventually shouted ‘I feel scared sometimes at nursery all on my own’ . Then lots of cuddles and thanking her for telling me etc. It sounds like you’re doing all this and if she is struggling emotionally, you will be helping her with it but maybe it just takes time to ride out the impact of the change? Or maybe the tiredness is just not about emotions for her!

One thing I’ve found helpful is that DD was not telling us anything about her time at nursery and I started asking ‘what was the best thing that happened today?’ And worst, funniest, silliest etc. These questions seem to inspire more chat than ‘what did you do’ and in last few weeks the worst thing is always that she got a thumbs down for pushing etc. Working on that one!

Potty training just naturally returned to normal itself but she wasn’t/isn’t dry at night yet. She was 3 in Jan. Hope things improve soon!

It's send odd that she's so tired after just 3 hours at pre school. I would probably try to make the mornings nice and quiet. Ds1 has been going to pre school since he was 2, he did 2 half days, but now at 3.5 does 2 full days and 1 half. He's no napped since about 18 months, and sleeps 7.30 til 6.30. Ds2 has just started. He does 1 morning and 1 afternoon (the only sessions available). He has been very tired after the afternoon session though and if we drive anywhere other than straight home, he falls to sleep in the car and is miserable when woken. But he does still nap quite a bit

How often. Does she go? Can you do something else after to prevent the napping and just aim for an earlier bed?

@merename that’s my thoughts exactly, how strange that the day without preschool, dad can go straight back to normal routine. Also I may add that tonight, there has been no accidents! (Although I have woken her once to ask if she needs the bathroom to which she replied yes, took her. But that was around 9:30pm)
Your dd, sounds imilar to mine in the fact there’s rarely been any show of not wanting to go except for the odd “can you stay for five minutes, here and there”.
My lo seems to tell me about her day at school, I always regularly ask “how was your day, did you have fun, what did you do, what friends was you playing with etc etc” but definitely going to try your approach and see if there’s a difference.

@nottalotta dd does five afternoons a week, we do have very calm and relaxing mornings which is why I can’t understand how dd could be so tired. I’ve tried everything from relaxing when we get home, to going to the park, to baking or playing her favourite games. But nothing seems to help. Here bedrime is normally 6:30pm, so I’m a bit cautious to move it any earlier as them I’m worried I’m purposefully getting dd a reason to wake up within the night.

I think I'd be tryi g to keep her awake. Maybe have her dinner ready prepped so she can eat it when you get in, then have a bath, do whatever to stretch it out til a reasonable bedtime even if it's 6pm. She sleeps a good couple of hours more than ds1 , it's interesting isn't it How they all differ. Re potty training Ds1 though was dry at night rights from the start for months and months. It wa only on increasing pre school hours in September that he's started wetting. We've had a really difficult patch but are down to waking him around 2am for a wee. That seems to work.

@nottalotta I know, I have a nephew who is three weeks older than my dd and his doubting is completely different. He naps during day but shorter sleep at night etc etc. I haven’t tried having the dinner ready for when she arrives home it’s normally around 4:30pm and a snack when dd gets in. I might give it a try dinner ready for when she comes home and a snack around 5pm and see if that helps long out her routine at all.
I know it’s terrible for you, but it’s nice to know others lo are also suddenly wetting at night and it’s not just my lo, I was beginning to really worry whether it was common. I think I will wake her again, at around midnight or 1am and see if this helps. As last night she was dry until around 5:30am then she wet again. By the way does your ds have anything to drink during the night? x

Also she started nursery in January, (dd has had some time off due to chicken pox then a viral) but apart from that has been going regularly) so I’m not sure if the bed wetting is to do with nursery. Do you think it could still be, seeing as this only started around two weeks ago? So she has been there in total around 8 weeks.

She hasn’t complained that her wee is painfully etc etc but have got a doctors tomorrow just to rule out any medical reason etc etc

As hard as it is keep them awake after school. You can’t leave them or they will fall asleep. Shift their routine forward so they go to bed for 6-6.30. If does mean earlier morning for you but trust me it is better than 1am bedtime. I have 3 boys and done this with all of them. I have an evening to myself, slightly earlier bedtime. Everyone happy

@Pixiedustandluck I really think my ds bed wetting is down to tiredness. I've tightened up on drinks again as realised that I had probably not been helping in that respect. So he has water only after about 3pm. So he only drinks what he needs. He has about an inch of milk in a cup at bedtime, but we do stories etc afterwards so he has half am hour after the milk, then a wee and bed. Nothing to drink in the night, though he never has since he stopped breastfeeding at about 19 months. Is trial and error with the time to get up. 3.30am was working well, but then recently been finding him wet long before that. I've changed to 1 or 2 am. I tried when I go to bed around 11pm and it didn't work, he'd still wet later sometimes.

I'm avoiding pull ups. I'd rather get him up than take that step. I've read on here that tryi g to get them to go more often during the day can help. Dr holds wee for HOURS so I'm trying every couple of hours to prompt him.