help!! 15mo has got even WORSE

[littlestrawby]

Hi all

15mo DD, always been a terrible terrible sleeper, I've grit my teeth and got through it so far albeit resorting to cosleeping for survival (all while my friends' babies got better and better at sleeping and now all sleep through). She is bf or rocked or patted to sleep (whichever works first depending on how she's feeling!) and then bf regularly through the night, but would previously accept a rocking if I could summon the energy to get up out of bed!

The most recent development is that she is desperate to be latched on to me ALL NIGHT. She will seemingly be sound asleep but as soon as I roll her off me she sits up and cries to be bf again. She's not drinking any milk for most of the night, just wants the boob in her mouth! It is so uncomfortable for me, and I am getting very little sleep.

I am feeling so demoralised that it has come to this, after all this time of trying to be patient and giving her time to develop and improve at her own rate (not to mention the pressure I've been getting to sleep train which I don't agree with). I never would have imagined at 15 months that things would be this bad. I know she doesn't owe me anything to suddenly become a good sleeper but this latest way of sleeping is not sustainable!

Desperately hoping it's a phase and not her new normal. She does have top canines coming through which I know must be very painful and I'm keeping everything crossed that she settles back down into her usual rhythm once they are through.

Anyone else experienced this? Please tell me it gets better?!

"I am feeling so demoralised that it has come to this, after all this time of trying to be patient and giving her time to develop and improve at her own rate (not to mention the pressure I've been getting to sleep train which I don't agree with)."

Unfortunately some babies are not naturally good sleepers and do not naturally start to sleep more independently. Sleeping independently is an important skill and some babies need our help to learn to do it.

I was always very reluctant to sleep train but DS was a terrible sleeper and we were all exhausted, so we eventually did sleep train and no regrets. I believe that sleep is important for a child's development and for parents' well being. I am certainly a better parent, less resentful and more patient, since I'm getting more sleep.

It's up to you, of course. You don't have to sleep train. But I suggest that in that case you accept your fate and try not to moan too much - there's nothing more annoying than someone who moans about a situation but refuses to do anything about it.

ha, thanks for the nice supportive last paragraph I don't moan to anyone, conversations about her sleep became very boring for everyone else about a year ago. Isn't my post the whole point of this forum? I am posting on here to see if anyone else has had their child go through a phase like this or if it's a more permanent fixture.

Hi littlestrawby I completely empathise, mine was the same. Down to using me as a dummy at night. We resorted to gentle sleep training (1 min, 2 min etc. not leaving her screaming for 30 minutes) and it worked a treat. Dd just wouldn't learn on her own, she needed to be taught to self settle. She's still not a great sleeper but it improved drastically after the training and everyone was a LOT happier afterwards. As pp said, it's your choice, but highly recommend it

Did has always trended on the side of being a good sleeper, but we have had occasional setbacks. One of them was around 16 months and lasted for about 4 months (sorry). But I have always done gentle sleep training and guided her towards independent sleep as much as possible.

I was a nanny before I had children and never saw a bad sleeper just miraculously start sleeping better without any sort of sleep training. Your DD is probably overtired and a bit miserable with the situation too, so you would actually be doing the right thing for both of you by doing some sleep training. There are gentle ways to do it, you don't have to let them cry it out of you don't want to!

OP you have my sympathy, I'm living this with my 16 month old DS. I can't see the wood through the trees at the moment 😩

You can sarcastically call me "supportive" if you want, but I've been there - I've been that person moaning about awful sleep and rejecting advice to sleep train! I annoyed myself let alone other people

On Mumsnet, support is not always saying "aw don't worry hun it's all going to be ok 💕". Sometimes honesty is the best support we can offer, even if it seems harsh.

NameChange30 - you've projected an attitude or behaviour onto me that doesn't apply though, and then responded on that basis. Yes I get that people will recommend sleep training, but that wasn't my question. To be honest mumsnet is a bit of a minefield when it comes to sleep training, on some threads people are pulled to pieces for trying it, on other threads they're treated as they're being unreasonable for not using it (not at all to say PPs are saying I am being unreasonable).

Fortunately DD isn't miserable at all, she's well rested and happy throughout the day (apart from teething woes), so I'm not concerned about that.

suretry sorry to hear you're going through the same thing!! Fingers crossed it improves for you soon.

@littlestrawby
So glad I'm not the only one, my dd is 13 months and she's always been a funny sleeper. She hardly ever settled, she's never slept through the night since she's been born! I've tried so many different things, she self settled for a while but then it was like she suddenly decided she didn't want to do that anymore lol! She does have a dummy but hardly ever accepts it so she ends up using a bottle to get herself back to sleep but even that lately she's not wanted to do. She wakes up SCREAMING and crying real tears not just being silly, I just don't know, it literally breaks my heart as I know it's sometimes best to let her try self settle but I always convince myself she could be in pain with a bellyache or something. I just can't stand the idea of something being wrong, lately she gets herself in such a state she sobs! It takes her so long to calm down I just feel so terrible letting her get in a really upset state. Sorry no advice here, just wanted you to know your not alone if that helps?!

Oh my goodness - here with you OP. Me and my 16 MO. My first DS was a fab sleeper, so this has been a shock! He currently has chicken pox and a cough and he's teething, so I'm cutting him some slack but it is so hard and I think I would really struggle to sleep train (I am a wuss) He gets distressed so fast, if my husband goes to him within minutes he cries so hard he can be sick! Shall we form a support group? Xxx

Lol at this:

Unfortunately some babies are not naturally good sleepers and do not naturally start to sleep more independently. Sleeping independently is an important skill and some babies need our help to learn to do it.

Yes the millions of babies all over the world that have never been sleep trained just never learn to sleep along or independently hilarious nonsense.

OP, 15 months was a very rough time I remember - cluster feeding again, I think it was a big growth spurt. As I’m sure you know it goes up and down. It will get better hang in there you’re doing brilliantly!

My 14 month old is a rubbish sleeper

The longest she has slept was 4 hours last May 😩
Mostly she wakes every 1 to 2 hours
We cosleep and bf and in fairness mostly settles easily when she wakes

She does go through times when she insists on latching all night which is so uncomfortable and makes getting any rest near impossible

I completely understand what you are going through
It's especially frustrating hearing about how friends babies sleep through and all the pro sleep training advice

I have found a couple of like minded groups on Facebook great for just hearing other people's experiences and that babies do get there themselves in time (although it can take a few years 😂😬)

Also Sarah Ockwell Smith's sleep book and Sweet Sleep by LLL are a great resource

The emphasis and advice should be on supporting you to be the parent you want to be rather than trying to force your baby in to a pattern they aren't ready for
Babies are tiny humans with very real emotions and needs - just because it doesn't seem like a big deal to us doesn't mean it isn't to them. They need our support to learn how to manage these feelings

When it gets really tough I find getting a bit of me time helps massively
I like to do a Pilates class, get a facial or just lay in bed reading and having a nap while DH takes DD

I hope it improves a bit for you soon x