6 month old...when will I sleep?

[MamaGeePee]

FTM EBF my 6 month old has never been a good sleeper. Max 2hrs before waking up. She fights every nap. She feeds to sleep for every sleep and nap. Screams when you try to settle her in cot. Has never gone down drowsy but awake. Sleeps in my arms for all naps. I love the cuddles and know I'll miss em ond day but could really do without the crying and lack of ability to sleep anywhere other than with. She has a solid bedtime routine starts between 7 and 7.30pm bath, dressed, book, feed to sleep, give to OH to walk around before putting her in cot (usually takes 2-4 attempts). Wakes every 2hrs in the night to feed back to sleep. No daytime routine, apart from waking at 7.30 every day. Just looking for any suggestions (cant do CIO my heartbreaks) tried PU/PD (but she never calmed enough for me to put her back down and then got overtired and fussy), tried a dummy (rejected). I know she'll protest any change now but crying for 60 mins is too much. I'm by mine own in the day so it gets lonely and frustrating and so tiring because this little person you made is just screaming in your face.

TIA x

The Ferber method is good. She's already crying all day as it is, so you might as well be getting her to self settle

The op already said she doesn’t want to do CIO which is exactly what Ferber is. The op is clearly one of those mothers who prefers not to traumatise their child to get a bit more sleep!

Have you read The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell Smith op? It’s very good.

For daytime naps I’d highly recommended a sling or if she’s too big (mines just got too heavy in the sling) get a backpack carrier and go for a walk - this will break the feed to sleep cycle.
Not sure what to suggest with night times - my 6 month old (third child) only wakes every two hours when teething so calpol helps with that. She does sleep on her tummy tho and has done since she was two weeks old. I know this goes against sids advice until 6 months old but dd1 also slept on her tummy, I figured it was safer than her sleeping on my chest in bed every night! Dd2 slept in her back so I do know what it’s like to have one that can sleep on their backs but dd1 and dd3 wouldn’t!

@merdde - isn't that just controlled crying/ CIO?

@thelastpharl - I've been reluctant to buy it as I have no energy to read 😂

@Matilda1981 - we used to go for a walk but now I'd be walking miles before she nods off. Plus I've been fearful that I'll just add another unhelpful sleep crutch? She's just started rolling over and I think she prefers her tummy till she wakes up. Thanks all x

Bless you op. If you can prop your eyes open long enough then I would really recommend it.

Have you tried a sling? Sounds like you have a baby that wants to be with her mummy and that is TOTALLY normal. Try not to think of getting her to sleep in her pram as a crutch. If it works it works.

Is she breastfed? Would you consider co sleeping if so? I have seven month old twins and my little boy wakes every two hours as well. Co sleeping has saved my sanity.

Mine don’t nap either so solidarity with you there. It’s sooo hard I know. I just keep telling myself that sleep is developmental and that we are doing the right thing by not resorting to CC/CIO.

In the same situation, honestly? 2 years. But there were very good patches and very bad patches in that time. Also I was bf throughout, I don’t know if stopping sooner would have made any difference. If it’s at all an option I would recommend co-sleeping to save your sanity! Once I accepted that nothing was going to help except time it was actually easier.

I did controlled crying and my baby cried for 5 minutes (with me checking in quickly every minute) and then fell asleep. I'm sure I was very lucky, but it's just something to bear in mind if your baby is crying and crying anyway... it might not be as bad as you think. Pick up put down and staying in the room with him made my baby cry more.

The baby is already crying, it may as well be in a controlled way.

Also, the huckleberry app really helped me with timings of naps and sleep, which also made it much easier to get my sleep fighter to actually sleep. I'd definitely recommend it.

I'm in the exact same position with my (almost) 6mo so offering you solidarity! The only thing that helps for us is co sleeping. I find that DD doesn't need to feed to sleep when I'm right next to her rubbing her back, and doesn't wake up crying - just whimpers and I soothe her back to sleep.

My advice would be two things: nail the day naps and then this this little babber needs to get to sleep on her own.
We hired a sleep consultant at 6 months as we had the same issues. This was what she said: Firstly get 3 solid naps in using whatever method works (sling, pushchair, car seat, but not feeding to sleep...) and then you can tackle the nights. Firstly keep her awake at the last PM feed and then put her into her cot/sleeping bag awake. She'll scream. Leave the room/go to a dark corner and count to 10. If still crying, go to her and one hand on tummy, with other hand stroke down the legs 5 times. Walk away, count to 10 and repeat leg stroke but only if she is continuously crying. If there are any gaps in crying start to count to 10 from when the crying starts again. It's not CC or CIO as you go to her every 10 seconds when she is in 'distress' (although probably more like angry!). You + hubby must do exactly the same motion if he goes in instead of you - consistency is key! Re the nighttime feeding - try to start to stretch out nighttime feeds (10pm-0200-0600-10am)and follow a 'don't wake me I'll wake you' approach - get her out of her cot when asleep and then feed her - that way if she wakes between you will be more sure that she just needs settling rather than hungry. that lot worked a dream for us - sleeping through from 7 months...
hope it helps x

Yep solidarity here too!
Seriously, some babies just wake every hour or two, nothing you do stops them. I know - mine never stopped screaming regardless of how long you left, whether you picked up put down or not, no matter where they were. Apparently my DH was like this as a baby too....
We turned a corner when they began walking (at 9 months!). You may not get a full night sleep but it will be only 2 or 3 waking and feel much more manageable. You'll get there I promise!

I've tried her crying with me in the room constantly reassuring her and she stays awake. Unfortunately CIO / CC isn't for me or my partner and I doubt that will ever change. But thank you for your suggestions. I'll have a look for the huckleberry app thanks @haz1516.

@thelastpharl I've just bought it. She is exclusively breastfed, due to start solids over the next week (which some suggest can be a time for sleep to improve but I'm doubtful). We coslept in the past but it doesn't change the duration of sleep and I just end up with a sore back.

@moreismore - my plan is to breastfeed for the next 18 months also but all you read tells you that this isn't the cause of poor sleep. So I doubt it will have affected your little ones sleep.

@imogenKH I won't she find it over stimulating? The affection / communication? I've tried dream feeding in the past and it seems to have no bearing on sleep really. Because she is so sleepy she doesn't actually feed she just lays in your arms until she is ready to wake up.

@ohhgreat - my OH was a bad sleeper and so were his siblings and niece and nephew. I just think to myself it must be genetic. Now he sleeps like a log so maybe I'll get some sleep in about 20 years 😂

You have my sympathy. Ds was like this and I never thought I'd sleep for more than 45 minutes again. In the end we did leave him to cry for 1 minute then back in to comfort, 2 minutes, comfort, three minutes etc. I think he was about 10 months by the time I gave in and tried that. With dd we used white noise and that settled her with no trouble. I had a white noise app on my phone and the hairdryer noise quite loud was the magic pill for her.

I found it just meant that we knew when she woke between the 'allotted' feeding times she could probably be settled rather than she was waking because she was hungry. I just scooped her up in the dark, fed quietly then laid her back down and she carried on sleeping. Otherwise it felt hard to know when she was waking due to hunger or just being unsettled...

I must admit starting solids hasn’t improved my little boys sleep op

With regards to co sleeping. Are you getting a bad back from staying in one position all night? I was finding that as well. As a solution we took the bed down and now we have a floor bed. The babies have a cot bed mattress each joined onto ours. It’s brilliant as it means they have their own surface still and I don’t have to worry about staying in one position. I keep my little boy closest to me so if he wakes I can just pop a boob in his mouth

@theducksaysmoo we have had the same white noise playing since she was born. I dont know how I'll sleep without when she moves into her own room.
@haz1516 love the huckleberry app. The sweet spot was spot on but the last nap suggestion didn't work for us. I'm going to keep using it though. Haven't used a tracker app since little one was a newborn.
@imogenkh I'll have to give this a try. Dream feeds haven't worked for us so far so I do think a lot of it is habit and wanting mummy for comfort. But when shes been howling with daddy for 20mins at 3am it's hard not to give in.
@thelastpharl she has the habit of staying attached to my boo and i wake up panicking that I've suffocated her. We are about to move house so we have no room for anything. Just feel like everything is happening at once and I could just do with some sleep

CIO / CC are very different and being very conflated in this thread . CC is just teaching to self settle, baby doesn’t get “left to cry” and it works! Still op if it’s not for you then good luck with other methods x

I do agree @shazafied, I do understand that they are both different. Do you think that self-settling is a skill that needs to be taught or do you think it'll just come in time?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/amp/

Yeah it's shit. I was beside myself until 14 months old with my 1st he never ever went down drowsy, only napped walking in the buggy or sling.
At 14 m he w
Started walking, stopped breastfeeding and started sleeping. He just wasn't tired enough until he started to move more.
My second was 10 months b4 he responded to routines. I was very rigid, same time exact same things. Never take him out of bedroom when go in. Took hours ( I also won't do cio) but now at 2.5 and 5 ( def no naps for oldest) they go to sleep very easily and I don't hear from them until morning

I think they do naturally start to sleep better/sleep through, but in my experience and that of friends this may be at age 2 or so.

Have you tried a dummy

@shazafied I think I have one of those kids...she'll finally sleep through and then I'll have another one 😂
@redbirdblackbird we tried several and she just spat them out or gagged on them