5mo early morning waking - not coping

[MaverickSnoopy]

5mo wakes up for milk between 4am and 5am (reliably for the last 2-3 months). She'll go back to sleep but will only stay asleep in my arms. It doesn't matter how long I hold her for, the second I put her down she wakes up (either in cot or cosleeping).

After 2-3 months of starting my day at 4 or 5am I am burnt out. I have 2 other children and am struggling to meet their needs. I am constantly exhausted, grumpy, impatient, my body is in pain and very often have tears in my eyes. I have sciatica too and it's getting worse from lack of sleep. I am not coping at all. DH is great in the day and contributes to the family in many ways (cooking/cleaning/making lunches/homework/bedtime etc) but he's so exhausted (very demanding manual job) and often has to pull over on the way to/from work for a sleep. When I wake him in the night he speaks nonsense and cannot communicate with me. He does take her on occasion but I can never go to sleep properly because he always knods off with her in his arms (he'll even take pro plus/energy drinks etc). I usually get a lie in of a couple of hours at the weekend but that depends on other commitments. It doesn't touch the sides though.

She always has a feed before sleep. She has set her own routine right from day 1. She wakes at 7am and then has a nap after 2 hours awake time, fitting in 3 naps. In the evening she just falls asleep at about 6:30pm and won't be woken. It doesn't matter when her naps are in the day she just goes to sleep at bedtime and won't budge - which is great but it's also meant that I haven't been able to shift things along. I have tried making bedtime later but 1) she has mostly just fallen asleep anyway and 2) if she hasn't she still wakes between 4-5am and wants me to hold her.

If I do put her in the crib after a feed, when she wakes I have also tried leaving her. She's quite happy in there, but then she just stays awake and because of school run more often than not she doesn't get another nap until we're back home at 9:15am as she won't sleep out and about!! So she's been awake by that point for 4-5 hours (too long) and then her sleep is erratic and poor for the rest of the day, she ends up being miserable and then she's up loads in the night AND a 4am start!

Any ideas? I'm pretty desperate. I'm also mindful that in a month or so she'll be going into her own room and I don't want to be sat in there from 4am!

Sounds normal sadly.

Are you on mat leave? Nap when baby naps.

Alternate the early wake ups with DH. Yes he is tired but so are you. It's not tiredness top trumps. Both of you need to share the burden. If you have a spare bedroom or a sofa to sleep on you need to alternate so one of you takes baby and the other gets a sleep in peace and quiet.

If there are willing GP nearby now's the time to get them on board so you can sleep.

Also what time are you going to bed? Start going to sleep when the DC do. You need sleep, however you can. Housework etc can wait. The house won't get much dirtier overnight. It's more important to get sleep.

Does she fall asleep by herself? At 5mo mine started waking earlier and earlier. What solved it was 1) blackout blinds and curtains, and 2) changing nappy, feeding and then putting back down ie treating it like a night wake up. It felt rubbish re-introducing night feeds but better that than an early start I felt...

My LO wouldn’t nap in her pram as she was too nosey, got a sun shade and it worked wonders, also some white noise played on my phone and I’d get 40 minutes out of her. Not a great nap but better than nothing when you’re out and about. What time/lengths are her naps?

Sorry been trying to post on this but each time I try nothing appears!

I'm on mat leave but I have 2 other children to look after and 2.5yo doesn't nap so I can't nap when baby naps. I wish! Baby currently has 3 naps a day which each vary between 30 mins to 2 hours (very rarely 2.5). Naps usually around 9am, 1pm and 4pm thereabouts but very much depends on school run and there's roughly a 2 hour awake period. She naps either in the buggy or the sling (v rarely due to sciatica) but only indoors as she just stays awake outside. I go to bed at about 10pm. Usually DH makes lunches for next day/makes bottles/preps dinner for following day while I do bedtime and by the time bedtime is finished and I'm downstairs it's about 8:30/9pm and then I power pump for an hour and the straight to bed. Alternatively DH puts two older 2 to bed and I do baby and then I'm down by 7:45/8pm and try to do lunches etc. DH has a small business that he works on in the evenings (reliant on the income) so we need to work as a team. We're not up doing housework (cleaners are here as I type).

I know it's not sleep top trumps but he is the one out working and I'm very supportive of making sure he's in a fit state to work. He commutes by car 45 mins each way and is a nursery chef - if he makes mistakes at work he could kill someone. Also as I said he will fall asleep with her in his arms. If on the rare occasion we sit down in the evening he's asleep on the sofa within 5 mins. She was up twice extra in the night last night so he did a stint - it's not like he doesn't help at all, but he literally cannot stay awake. It's a bit like trying to communicate with someone who is sleep walking and you wouldn't give a sleepwalking person a baby. We don't have a spare room unfortunately and because of my sciatica and DH'S bad back we try not to sleep on the sofa if possible. We're not actually disturbing each other in the night anyway - it's just that I worry that he's a danger in the night so try to just doze to keep him awake.

DH's parents are dead. Mine are great but they are older and they work so help is limited. It's not so much about our lifestyle - it is what it is (although always open to change what we can, i just genuinely struggle to see how others would manage it differently but open to suggestions!). It's more...how can we help baby to sleep in crib in the early hours? I feel like we're missing something... When she wakes at 4am/5am I do treat it as a night feed, because it is. I have always been quite strict about mornings and they don't start in our house in 7am, even if that means people lying in bed and "resting" until 7am. We already have blackout curtains...it's just she seems to need tightly holding after 4/5 in order to stay asleep. I've left her before to settle and she's quite happy but she just stays awake until the next nap time (2 hours later) which would coincide with getting ready for school so no opportunity to nap until 9am, which would be beaten good 4 or 5 hours awake time.

Apologies that was long!

On thing I was told with ds1 when he was doing similar was to change the pattern. So for a week or so I set an alarm and woke him up to feed a hour before his early morning wake up time and then settled him back down and he would sleep for a couple more hours. It was rough but once he got out of the habit he would sleep until 6am which was bliss.

I was also going to suggest changing yoour routine a little. It might be a killer for a week but could you possibly set an alarm and give her a dream feed? If your able to dream feed her even only half her normal amount she may well stay asleep and go back down til a more reasonable time. It would be quick if it was a dream feed too so you shouldn’t be awake too long.
I do think it’s quite normal though at that age, just think how much sleep she’s actually getting at night it’s quite a lot.
My LO is very similar she wakes around 5am and will sleep on my arms but not in her crib but she’s much younger only 10 weeks. I go to bed at 8/9pm and she sleeps right through til 5am so I’m fine to get up at 5 as I’ve had a good 8ish hours usually.