Anyone doing Stephanie Modell’s sleep training/gradual retreat technique? I need some help!

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

DD is 9 months and after sleeping through the night from 3 months till about 6.5 months, she’s now waking 3 or 4 times a night as she’s become very used to feeding to sleep and now can’t fall asleep without me feeding her.

I bought Stephanie Modell’s The Baby Sleep Guide on a recommendation and tried for the first time last night. DD actually fell asleep by herself at her normal bedtime of 7ish very easily with no crying at all, just a bit of wriggling and I had to spend about 20ish mins patting her. All fine.

She woke at 1am. I tried to encourage her back to sleep without a feed but she faffed a bit so I fed her for a few mins. She went back into her cot awake and I again settled her and patted her back to sleep no problem.

She woke at 3.30. I decided not to feed her as she only fed at 1am and put my effort into resettling her. She got really worked up and distressed. I picked her up, cuddled and calmed her and put her back in the cot and she screamed bloody murder despite all my attempts to resettle. She seemed to get irritated by my ssssshhing and patting but if I distanced myself a bit she got really distressed. I picked her up a few times to cuddle and calm but as soon as I put her back in the cot she screamed at full volume again. I did let her feed for a few mins in case she was hungry but she wasn’t feeding furiously. And then I made sure she didn’t fall asleep on me and put her back in the cot but went back to uncontrollably screaming. This went on for over 2 hours and I could not resettle her. In the end I brought her into bed with me and she eventually feel asleep but I know this isn’t advised.

What should I have done differently? This was only night 1 so I know it takes time but if the same happens tonight what shall I do? Is it a terrible thing to let her feed to sleep in the middle of the night or is this completely counterproductive?

I am desperate to try a technique that will work for her as I am broken right now! Any tips would be much appreciated?

Bump!

Hi @CoffeeChocolateWine, I have also recently bought the same book to help with my 7 and a half month old DS who is a terrible sleeper. I always had to feed him to sleep through the night, it got frustrating because it could have been every hour and I knew he couldn't be hungry each time! I started not feeding to sleep for his daytime naps first, which then took sometimes 20 mins of patting, but now he often falls asleep in about 3/4 mins. At nights, the first time he wakes I manage to settle him within about half an hour, but sometimes more. There's often a lot of screaming though! I keep remembering the golden rules - time, consistency and repetition and hope this will just pay off over time. He has been sleeping longer stretches since I've not been feeding to sleep, but he's teething now so that's not been easy. Do you feed to sleep in the day too? I hope you have a good night!

Thanks so much for replying @Laur2017. I can’t believe I’m writing this only 2 days after my previous post, but we’ve had a breakthrough! She slept through last night from about 7pm till 6am! This compares with last week when one night I was up five times.

I’ve been following the guidance given in the book and been really focusing on implementing a proper bedtime routine (I have two older kids so her ‘bedtime routine’ so far has involved me winging it every evening!) and breaking the association she has between feeding and sleeping for daytime naps, bedtime and night wakings and she seems to be getting it really quickly. It’s still very early days obviously so I’m trying not to think that we’ve cracked it on day 3, but psychologically it helps me enormously to know that she can do it and I feel almost human today.

She does love to suck her thumb which has helped a lot as I think she has been soothing herself with that instead of crying for me and I’ve kind of forced a soother toy on her as well which she has started clutching on to. Tonight I’m going to try and give her less help in falling to sleep as I’ve been right beside her so far patting and stroking her to sleep.

Thanks for the advice. As always, it’s good to know I’m not alone with this. Good luck!

Forcing a soother toy onto your child instead of soothing them yourself. She’s a nine month old baby for Gods sake!

I feel so sorry for your baby and all the others out there being “trained” to shut up because nobody is coming for them when they cry. It’s heartbreaking.

Wow. @TheLastPharl, some pretty huge assumptions there that are totally misplaced. Where on earth are you getting that rubbish from? Where have I said I wasn’t soothing her myself? She hasn’t been left to cry by herself even for a minute...that’s why I chose the gradual retreat method, because I didn’t want it to involve being left to cry. I’ve been beside her the entire time stroking her, patting to her, saying soothing words to her until she has fallen asleep....and she actually hasn’t cried at all apart from that first night when I couldn’t settle her in the early hours and I was with her the whole time. She is still in our room with us so she is never alone. I didn’t literally mean I forced a soother toy on her so that I didn’t have to soothe her myself?? Why would you assume that? It’s a toy that she can stroke at bedtime to help relax her. She isn’t being trained to shut up I’m helping her learn how to fall asleep without a boob in her mouth. This time last week she was waking up four of five times a night crying because she couldn’t sleep. Last night she slept 11 hours without crying at all...and that’s heartbreaking?. Do think babies enjoy waking up several times a night and then being so tired they can’t get enjoyment from anything the next day? I’m teaching my baby in the kindest, gentlest way I can to fall asleep by herself.

@TheLastPharl don't be silly, you're just trying to provoke a reaction! There's nothing wrong with teaching a child to self soothe, as both me and @CoffeeChocolateWine are trying to do.

@CoffeeChocolateWine how's it been going since you first posted?

I think the greatest thing a parent can do is to teach their child to self soothe so they are able to fall asleep themselves naturally.
Pharl, your comment was unnecessary and hurtful. The OP actually wants her child to be independent and self assured enough to be able to fall asleep naturally.

Hi @Laur2017. We had a bit of a setback on the sleep training. DD went down with a heavy cold only a few days after we started and was really struggling to sleep as she was so snotty and bunged up. She’s also been teething so we kind of got back into a routine of lots of cuddles and feeding little and often so it all went out the window!

However, we are now on the third night of trying to implement it again and last night she only had one wake up at about 4.30 so I’m starting to feel hopeful again. I just find it’s a vicious circle when you as parents get overtired too because it is so tempting to just let her fall asleep in my arms rather than spending half an hour patting! Really have to have a firm resolve for it!

We are a family of campers and we’re really hoping to go camping over Easter so I’m really trying to get things a bit better for then so that we don’t end up being the most unpopular people on the campsite!!

@Soontobe60, thank you and I totally agree.