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Sleep

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Original poster

Won't sleep here

17 replies

Sophette12 · 15/03/2019 19:35

Hello, he's not my child he's my partners we've bet together just over 2 years we took it slow introducing him to me, he slept at my old house and he was ok the room wasn't brill either, but me moved in together in Jan but his son won't stay here he crystal and kicks off, tonight his dad is telling him he is staying here, I know his mum has told him he's not a city boy , doesn't help , it's not on they city, he's going to bring him later when he's tired he'll prob just go to sleep then but if he wakes up in night and gets in with us shall I be harsh and take him back to his room or just do it one step at a time ?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Redken24 · 15/03/2019 19:37

Let him sleep with his dad til he's comfortable. Surely you don't mind one night a week or a fortnight. And if you do have your boyfriend sleep in with him.

PotteringAlong · 15/03/2019 19:37

How old is he?

Original poster

Sophette12 · 15/03/2019 19:39

He's 8 far too big to be going through this I think, I really don't mind him sleeping with his dad I just don't want to set a president if that makes sense

OP posts:

Redken24 · 15/03/2019 19:50

Set a precedent of what exactly? His dad and you have moved in together - hes still a small child who may not be ok with his das moving on.
Not sure why you would have to be getting harsh or anything etc. What does his dad want to do? Do you have kids yourself?

Original poster

Sophette12 · 15/03/2019 19:52

Update the boy has refused to come he says he feels sick and all sorts I don't think his dad is bringing him what can we do we've asked him y he doesn't want to he won't tell us this has gone on for weeks now I'm so fed up his dad lives here

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 15/03/2019 19:53

No, it doesn’t make sense. Occasionally my 7 year old still wants to sleep with us if he’s upset about something / off colour. That’s what children do when they want to feel safe and secure.

PotteringAlong · 15/03/2019 19:54

You’re fed up?!?’

This isn’t about iou...

PotteringAlong · 15/03/2019 19:54

*you

Jackshouse · 15/03/2019 19:55

Why are you parenting a child that’s not yours? It’s his Dad’s decision. The child is only 8 and is staying in a new house of course he wants his Dad to sleep next to him.

The sensible option would be for the Dad to offer to sleep in bed with his son tonight in the son’s bedroom and for the child to know that this is the plan.

Original poster

Sophette12 · 15/03/2019 19:55

A president of him sleeping with his dad forever ! He likes me hus mum and dad split 7 years ago she's moved on b4 the bed was cold he is ok with that his dads waited 18 months to introduce him to me,
Yea I have 2 daughters both left home I wouldn't have put up with this my girls would go where I told them to

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 15/03/2019 19:56

He isnt far too big to be going through this - it is a massive change for him and he is struggling with it

Taking it slowly and not worrying about setting precedents and making him comfortable is key

That said it does sound as if his mother is putting thoughts in his head

Original poster

Sophette12 · 15/03/2019 19:57

I know his needs come first I have no objection to him sleeping with his dad for now
I'm not trying to parent him I'm asking for advice for us both were a couple we deal with stuff together

OP posts:

Jackshouse · 15/03/2019 19:58

I’m not suprised that the child has refused to if he is scared and his Dad is trying to force him.

I’m assuming he is due to stay yours this weekend? With the agreement of Mum I would agree that Dad collects him first thing in the morning and they continue their weekend as normal, making time for the child and Dad to play in the child’s new bedroom but with no pressure for the child to have to sleep over and Dad can go and collect him again on Sunday morning.

He needs to be making the child feel comfortable in the new house.

Original poster

Sophette12 · 15/03/2019 20:05

We've tried all this we let him pick the paint and his curtians and everything he said he wanted dinosaurs he's known for a while we were moving we've tried to make him so happy I've bought him a "cool " lamp he loves it he slept here once but got up after an hour and got in with us he's refused since then he spends afternoons here or we all go out, I know his mum had said something I don't kniw why I thought she was ok with me and his dad

OP posts:

Qcumber · 15/03/2019 20:07

You sound a bit cold OP. He's a little boy still, he's going through big changes and wants the comfort of his dad. Just because you're girls 'went where you told them to' (which sounds really sad BTW) doesn't mean every child is the same. He can probably sense your impatience with him and that's why he doesn't want to come.

Original poster

Sophette12 · 15/03/2019 20:15

Does make me sound sad ? My girls had confidence in me I was single for a long time when they were little but I always had my own space they knew I woukdnt take them anywhere they weren't safe , and tbf my youngest would sleep on a washing line she wasnt bothered as long as she could sleep lol, I guess that's why I can't understand all this if he told us why we could help I have no objection to him sleeping with his dad or with us just don't want it to be forever so I didn't want to start that and then have to go through all this again

OP posts:

Darkstar4855 · 16/03/2019 06:28

If you waited eighteen months to be introduced to you then he’s only known you about six months which isn’t very long. That plus the move has probably unsettled him a lot: eight is still very young to cope with big changes like that.

I think if you let him sleep in with his dad it will help him feel comfortable in the new home and settle his anxiety. He needs lots of love and reassurance right now, especially from his dad.

Don’t worry about setting a precedent, just let him adjust to the move and learn to feel safe and secure again and you’ll probably find he’s quite happy to sleep in his own room again soon.

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