Would you be comfortable with your newborn staying out for the night?

[bethfreyaisaac]

Just that question really. When did you let your children stop out for the first time, and who with?

My DD was 3 weeks old(!) and stayed with my mum. DS is now 4 weeks old and we have had offers to have him overnight from my mum again. Just wondering what others think and how they feel about it!

Is it just me who can only hear "staying out for the night" in relation to teens / young adults going out on the town ?

No. It would have been impossible anyway due to the frequency of feeds. I would have hated it, there would be no way I could have been away from them for that length of time. This may be due to both of mine being very unwell at birth and being in SCBU for a week or so. I hated the fact that they were not with me at my bedside, and when they were well enough to come home I felt like I had catching up to do.

I breastfed both but neither child (7 and 2) has spent a night away from me. We don’t have family nearby. And we both work FT in demanding jobs so what time we do have with the kids is relatively precious. We have individually been away on work a lot. In fact this is the third week one or the other parent has been away but together, no. And I can’t imagine it happening any time soon either, both logistically and emotionally.

Having said that both sleep well, we go out in the evening as a couple (we have a trusted babysitter) fairly frequently and there has never ever really been a time when we have thought of leaving them with someone else. I was 8 when I spent a night away from my parents. I left home at 18, moved to a different city, left the country at 20, then moved to a different continents and I now live two continents (and nearly 20+ hours by flight) away from my parents so clearly it hasn’t made all that much difference.

Separation anxiety though is a very natural and normal phase and part of a child’s attachment and we shouldn’t try to disrupt it. You can help a child deal with it (by always saying ‘X will come back’ and repeating it when you come back or teaching them object permanence with peekaboo games) but I am not sure that trying to eliminate it as a developmental stage is necessarily a good idea.

Having said all that above, DH stayed with his paternal grandparents for prolonged periods of time from the age of 2. Pretty much from when his mum stopped breastfeeding. MIL was a carer to both her parents and she totally needed the break. So no judgement from me on anyone needing sleep and a break.

It's almost midnight. I've been up since 5 and worked all day and I think there's a small chance he's fallen asleep properly rather than just pretending for 10 minutes. At this point if a pack of stray dogs turned up offering to look after him I might say yes.

You do you - it’ll be different for every family and every context and that is fine.

I have to pick up, however, on the idea that regular time away from the parent from birth will prevent separation anxiety later, because that’s absolute nonsense. Separation anxiety is an unavoidable developmental stage, linked to a baby’s growing understanding that they are a separate person to their parent. It manifests differently in different babies and some can seem quite unfazed by it but you can’t avoid that stage of development any more than you can avoid your baby learning to crawl.

Actually - crawling is a bad example. Not all babies crawl. Substitute whatever pre-walking means your child used!

Not quite the same, but when we got back from our extended hospital stay, DP took her into the spare room for the whole night while I finally got some sleep (hadn't slept more than two hours since my C section). I'd love to say I struggled to sleep for worry and hated being away from her, but honestly I was asleep within about five mins and slept right through I felt amazing in the morning!