Would appreciate any ideas or experiences of how to manage my 4 year old at night. I'm finding it really hard to balance having boundaries and providing comfort.
I'll try to be concise but I tend to ramble! Overall she doesn't sleep terribly these days but when she does wake up she struggles to get back to sleep and gets really upset if we don't do what she wants. If she falls asleep in the day she struggles massively at bedtime( thankfully doesn't happen often) and will get up within a minute of me leaving, saying she can't sleep and want me to lie down with her. She usually wakes up around 5.30, sometimes she'll wake up earlier though or in the night. The problem is that she wants me to lie down with her until she goes to sleep. Which would be fine if it helped her but it just wakes her up more and she is up for hours if I do! If my husband goes into her then she has a massive meltdown because she wants me.
She has never been the best sleeper, I probably haven't helped things by not establishing firmer boundaries sooner and feel guilty about that (so please be gentle with me!). If we offer a source of comfort she tends to latch on to it and depend on it rather than growing out of needing it...in fact it often leads to more night waking because of wanting that comfort. She's used to me coming whenever she needs me though so she's learnt to expect that. She used to be good with sleeping to her gro clock (6am) but that got a bit messed up when dd2 went through a phase of waking really early so dd1 got used to us already being awake before her gro clock. However both their gro clocks are set to 6am now.
I feel like I probably just need to say no cuddles at night and if waking early but feel bad about that because she's still little and will sometimes want comfort! Plus it is really frustrating to not be able to sleep! How do I balance that? Maybe give a cuddle initially but then stick to no more, or cut out completely to be consistent with dh (he can't because of a bad back).
If she's struggling to go to sleep at bedtime then do you think it's reasonable to give her a torch and let her look at books until she's tired? And then the same in the morning until her gro clock? Has that worked for anyone else?
In case it's relevant she's also going through a phase of getting really upset if she's apart from me...I can't work out what's anxiety and what is trying to exert control.
What have you done or what would you do?! Well done and thank you if you made it to the end!