Has anyone genuinely not coped?

[SaltK]

Hi all. Feeling like a total failure this morning. My 9 month old's sleep is and always has been horrendous. We are trying to sleep train with little success. Tried giving in and co-sleeping - doesn't work. Only thing we haven't tried is controlled crying, and tbh that is partly because I'm so scared it wouldn't work and we'd be left with no options.

Everything you read, people just say "it's hard but it ends, you cope, you just have to" etc. But I honestly don't know if I can. Has anybody not coped? Is it even an option? Feel like I'm headed for a nervous breakdown. Not sure what I'm looking for from this post, just feeling hopeless this morning.

Just coming on to symphatise big time. We also did cc with dd1, and it worked after 3 nights.
One thing to bear in mind is daytime sleeping (if there is any!), both when and how much, iyswim. Hi

You have all my sympathies, it's just the worst. Just wanted to add one comment which is I don't know anyone who has done controlled crying properly (i.e. consistently) for whom it hasn't worked, usually within three nights. It can be horrible, so you have to be sure you want to do it and stick to it, because if you cave that is very confusing for the baby and is not fair.
My DS was waking every 45 minutes by six months and often taking more than an hour to resettle. After one night of controlled crying he slept for hours at a time and after three nights he slept until about 5am when I would give one feed then put him back and he would sleep another couple of hours. Best of luck to you X

Thanks @SaltK. He cried for awhile but settled down eventually and is asleep now. Just keeping everything crossed he stays asleep until at least 7! Tomorrow will probably be worse (DD twigged that there was no more rocking on the second night) but then he'll get the hang of it, I hope.

Ah, teething always gets in the way. Really hope your DS is over that soon and you can help him to improve his sleep. It's worth it, it really is. For everybody!

This thread is so great, I was feeling awful about considering CC, but so convinced now. Just need to get over this shit set of deadlines in work first...

Thanks for all the advice and support, PPs! Baby is back to himself today, so we are going for it tonight. Will keep updating, coz I'm always curious how these things turn out when I read threads.

CoodleMoodle how was through the night? It's through the night that scares me the most!

Sleepdeprived I feel much better about CC now as well, and feel relief that we can try something!

@SaltK It was okay! He woke up at 4:30 and I gave him some milk, burped him and put him down. He went back to sleep! Then he cried at 5:30 but eventually dropped off with us doing CC, and slept until 7! Currently doing his morning nap, he's not happy but he's tired so should drop off soon, fingers crossed! He didn't wake DD which was my other worry.

Very best of luck to you tonight. You've got to be firm and consistent and they DO get the hang of it eventually. Doing it in the middle of the night is the hardest bit but it won't be forever. Just keep thinking of all the sleep you'll get (barring teeth, illness etc), and how lovely and happy your baby will be after he's had a decent night too!

Not helping a baby/child to learn how to fall and stay asleep is just as "cruel" as doing CC, I think.

Yes I agree, all that broken sleep is not great for their mood and development. I also think it is detrimental to the baby to have a sleep deprived parent who can barely function - and can even be dangerous.

We did CC after I nearly fell down the stairs holding DD as I was such a zombie. I was not coping and spiralling into severe anxiety over her sleep. It worked within one night! (though DD was a fair bit younger which I think makes it quicker). It’s a question of the lesser or two evils and sometimes that is CC.

Well, we did it. He fell asleep in 2 minutes like a dream!!
Then woke an hour later - did CC for 1.5 hours. Then he slept 4.5 hours.
Then an hour of CC, then slept an hour.
Then he woke again and I did CC; he kept falling asleep before we reached 8 minutes, but then waking up 10/15 minutes later. This happen 5 times, and I don't know why he kept waking up! Then it was 5am and I usually feed him, so fed him and he fell asleep on the boob (fail) and I fell asleep holding him (awful mother!). Back to bed when I woke up, for 45 minutes then up for the day.

Exhausted and not sure it was a success, given the boob at 5am. Has anyone else has frequent wakings even after they self settle?

I did controlled crying with my 9 month old, and he self settles. He has gone from waking every 1-2 hours all night to doing big chunks, but still can't seem to get rid of a feed sometime between 1 and 4 am. It's only one feed a night so I just do it, if it's the only time he wakes I figure he needs it.

I think frequent waking will get less the more be gets used to it. Just time and consistency I think. But only do what you are comfortable with too - sleep is at its lightest from around 4am I think, so I tend to just do what I need to do to get him back to sleep at that point!

@SaltK
That sounds rough. It's so easy to give up CC because it's not as instant as you would hope! But you have to keep persevering, or you did all of that for nothing. It's so so hard, I know it is, especially when people keep saying "three days" and that seems utterly impossible! How are you doing the CC, how long are you leaving him to cry? You might find tonight is easier, or it might start working tomorrow.

To give you hope (maybe!): yesterday's naps weren't great, in fact DS screamed his way through the last catnap he usually has, so that was a fail. Then he went to bed, we got up to 4mins of crying and he was asleep. He cried once at 20:30ish, then slept until 5am! Had some milk, back into bed, slept until DD came in at 7:30. I feel like a human. He's currently down for a nap and whilst I'm anticipating having to go and resettle him in a bit, he went down without too much of a fuss.

Stay strong and keep trying. It's so difficult at times but you've got to give it a few days or it'll never work. And it will, I'm sure it will! Best of luck to you

Oh, and pre-CC I used to sleep with DS on me all the time, when he'd only sleep on me. I HATED it but I used to just nod off without meaning to. It's not great but it's not the end of the world.

I can't believe how quickly things have changed for you, CoodleMoodle. That's amazing, despite the nap setbacks. I hope we get some results - I feel very aware that CC does suit every baby's temperament. But DS is full of a cold today!! So looks like we'll have to stop before we've even got started! Frustrating.

Thanks for the encouragement, though, and you too Haz1516. Will persevere when he's feeling better.

Oh sorry, forgot to say, we are doing 2 minute intervals up to 8/10 minutes (depending how strong we feel!) And listening to the type of crying as well, trying to leave him if he seems to be settling but have also gone in before 8 minutes a couple of times when he's starting screaming, and sure enough he's needed to burp! All that air he swallows while crying bf on!

Hello! Just checked to see how it's going. I could have got the wrong end of the stick and if so I apologise... But, please don't use cio to night wean. It won't work if baby is genuinely hungry and would be quite mean. If bab usually feeds in the night still then it would be worth reading up on what order to do things in, night wean first or sleep train first. If you wean first then sleep could improve naturally? Or if you sleep train first then perhaps bab will naturally drop the feed? Not sure! I just think that if you leave bab crying when they're hungry, you're setting yourself up to fail and it would be pretty cruel. Sorry if wrong end of stick! Meant from a good place.

Haypanky no, I'm not trying to night wean with controlled crying. He is on the boob through the night, but it's mainly comfort. I know he'll still get some milk, but he's not drinking much. But my plan is to offer two specifically timed feeds for a night or two, then drop to one (which I might need to keep). I'm not trying to stop all night feeds (although it would be lovely!) just make the nights better for all of us. Thanks for the advice.

Sounds like a sound plan, I really hope it improves things for you! Big sympathy.

I also did a little bit of childcare even though I was at home. 6 hours a week at nursery (over 2 days) gave me some sanity!

Sorry to resurrect this thread, but we haven't been able to do the controlled crying because DS had an awful cold and is now cutting 2 teeth with still at the tail end of the cold. I'm absolutely at my wit's end. I just wondered, CoodleMoodle (and anyone else who might be doing CC now) has it worked for you? Are you getting some sleep?!

Millpond Sleep clinic.

I was/had lost sanity. DC woke up 10 times a night.

Within 4-6 weeks I had 12 hours of sleep and 3 hrs of day naps. Life changing.

Worth every penny several times over.

Oh my god. Thanks Dobby, will definitely be considering that!

We didn’t use CC. Millpond don’t recommend it. It’s totally tailored to you and your situation. They are the best. You have telephone consultations and daily emails. I couldn’t make a drink for myself. I couldn’t remember how to. I was way beyond safe driving. My life was a non stop day/night waking time of crying and bf.

I paid £250 and they sorted it all out. Giving me baby steps to make changes. It was amazing.

That sounds too good to be true! £250 would be a small price to pay, if it worked. Will have a think and a chat to DH about it if CC doesn't work. Thanks for the input.

It’s real. I think we had the core package.

Google them and take a look at the website. We had Mandy the founder, as our consultant. She pops up in some baby magazines offering sleep advice. They are the best company imo to use.

Millpondsleepclinic.com

www.millpondsleepclinic.com

Sorry not good at links.