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Give me the strength to do this....

3 replies

crazychemist · 05/03/2019 12:34

DD is nearly 2.5. The last nap has to go, but I keep chickening out!

If she naps during the day, she is up well past midnight. Which is insane! She just isn’t tired, it doesn’t matter if she’s sitting in the dark etc, routine has no effect, there is NO way to get that kid to sleep! Cutting the nap short doesn’t work, I had hopes but we get the worst of both worlds: screaming and horrible when you wake her, still up ridiculously late! Once she’s asleep though she generally sleeps through and is contented.

If she doesn’t nap, she goes to bed at a perfectly reasonable hour (between 7&8 depending on exactly what time she got up) BUT is usually overtired and then wakes up a lot during the night!

I really can’t take the late nights any more. Last night she didn’t go to sleep till 1.30am, which as my alarm goes off at 5.30 really sucked. She and my husband will probably have blissfully slept till 9.30am.

So the nap HAS to go.

But I’m a big coward. I’m afraid of the bad nights and the crying if she is overtired. We had one night where she basically clung to me almost all night or she woke up. And I feel awful keeping her awake knowing she’s getting overtired, I feel like the worst mum ever at about 5pm when she wants a snooze and I say no.

The other problem is nursery. Two days a week she naps there. I can’t cut that nap unless she’s had a good nights sleep as otherwise she’ll fall asleep in the car on the way home, which is a complete disaster and means she is awake literally half the night. But I’m hoping if I can get the other nights sorted those two will fall into place in time.

Can I please have some handholding? The crying at night goes right through me. Advice will also be very welcome. On a previous thread someone suggested “just do a strict 7 to 7 routine and stick to it no matter what”. A bit more detail about how much flexibility you can get away with would be very helpful. On the two days she goes to nursery she will continue to nap, and even if she didn’t it’s not possible to get her fed and into bed by 7pm, and she can’t get up later than 6.45 on those days either. If she has two days that are different than the other 5 does that completely mess up getting a routine in place?

I feel like a completely crap mum. It seems like if I didn’t have anything else in my life I could get this sorted and she’d go to bed at a reasonable time, sleep through, I could have some time with DH (who I think it starting to think I’m a complete martyr) and it wold all be fine! Instead DDs routine is bonkers, I’m sleep deprived and I never get ANY time alone with my DH.

Please tell me your stories to help me get through this!

OP posts:
CautiouslyPessimistic · 05/03/2019 14:26

I don't know that I really have practical advice but I just wanted to say that you're being incredibly tough on yourself - you're not at all a crap mum. This is a transition for her, she's going to be either overtired or undertired for a while. That's not because you're doing anything wrong, or because there's a solution that you just haven't thought of - it's because she sort of needs a nap and sort of doesn't.

My LO is the same, cranky and overtired without a nap, grumpy waking up with a nap. It's normal. It's rubbish but it's normal. Honestly I'm taking each day as it comes and deciding whether a nap battle is worth it that day or not. It sounds like that may not be an option for you but I just wanted you to know that I don't think anyone else has a perfect solution, it's just a question of managing the transition as best you can Smile

crazychemist · 05/03/2019 17:44

Thanks @CautiouslyPessimistic. That is actually very helpful. I feel like there must be a perfect solution out there because it always feels like other people are coping with parenting better than I do. I sort of feel like it’s ok, and then someone casually (and harmlessly) mentions something they do in the evening once their DC is in bed and I just want to cry because it’s feels like I’ve gone so badly wrong in the last couple of months.

Hand holding much appreciated Smile I do know that basically the nap isn’t a sensible option, so I have to do something to change it. I assume that she’ll adjust and the waking from being overtired won’t last forever.

OP posts:
CautiouslyPessimistic · 05/03/2019 18:12

I know the feeling, I really do. I'm contemplating bathing my two year old and 12 week old together for the first time tonight (normally do the little one later in the evening after the older one is asleep) and I'm thinking 'surely there's a perfect way to do this which will make it totally simple and not at all stressful, I just need to figure out what it is' Hmm

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